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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

What Should I do??



Hey Guys,

It's me again!!

I need everyone's help. When I started this blog I was super excited about people giving me feed back regarding everything that was floating around in my head. As time progressed, I really did enjoy reading everyone's comments and giving you some interesting topics to Wonder about as well.

However, I feel like I haven't given my all into blogging. There are blogs out there that I'd love to visit consistently and want to support but I just don't have the time to comment. I tend to feel guilty about that. I also think the blog would do so much better if I was posting at least 2-3 times a week or everyday! I love those people who can actually post every single day.

So I was thinking that I should take a break and re-group or take the page down all together. I want to reach people but I can't do it if I'm not putting my all into it.

What do you guys think I should do? If anyone is even out there reading hahahaha

I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you so very very much for supporting my venture!!!

Let's find out what the New Year will bring!

Just_Wondering

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Same vs Different

Hello Everyone!

It's been a while since I've posted on my blog and I guess because I wanted a mini break! Hahahaha I also had a few things going on that needed more of my attention.

So I decided to do something quick and straight to the point so that you guys can get back into the feel of my blog here lol

So here's what I've been wondering about that I wanted to ask you all about. I was thinking about the people I find myself most attracted to when it comes to relationships. I thought to myself "Self, lol do I want a man who is similar to me in terms of interest and personality. Or am I more attracted to someone is different or should I say the opposite of who I am?" I mean really think about it. Based on the men/woman you've dated or who you find super attractive on the inside lol Is it based or similarities or differences?

Hit me up with some responses!

I'm happy to be getting back into the groove again. I hope people swing by like they used to hahahaha

PS: If you see any grammatical errors or misspelled words..Forgive Me! I'm posting from my phone ;-)

Just_Wondering

Monday, November 24, 2008

Measure of a Man Part 3

So I finally bring to you Part 3 of the Measure of a Man series. To do a litte recap Measure of a Man (MoM) Part 1 covered the idea of whether or not women's standards were too high or too low. In MoM Part 2, I asked everyone where does a man fit into an "independent woman's" life? I also asked the males what role they think they play in a woman's life.



As I received a lot of responses from females, I wanted to find out more about the male's perspective. So I interviewed 3 men within my social circle and posed the same questions I asked everyone to respond to. Below you will find their responses.I also asked about their role as a spiritual leader of the household as they all are Christians.

*Special Thanks To These Gentlemen For Allowing Me To Post Their Responses Thanks So Very Much For Being Open and Honest!!*



So please take some time to read and tell me your thoughts about:



Mr. Realistic, Mr. Average Joe, Mr. Ambitious





I think that most independent woman have set their standards too high. They fail to aim for realistic expectations. I say this because I feel that although they want this charming, sexy, articulate man with a job, along with all these other great qualities, in the end they don’t in fact posses a lot of those same qualities. Simply put, I think that the things on her list needs to be things she possesses. If she has any shortcomings, than he is allowed to have them as well. For example, if a “white collar” woman dates a “blue collar” man, she has to remember that this is the man she chose to be with. If he desires to get to that “white collar” status, it must be on his on accord not because of the pressures from a nagging wife/girlfriend. I feel like that woman is only trying to satisfy her own selfish ambitions. Some woman always seem to want more…..they aren’t satisfied with what they have because they have climbed up the success ladder.

Some of the things that I feel I can offer to an independent woman include spirituality, my education, someone with a job, compassion, patience, laughter, and another perspective to life and it challenges. What a man can offer is dependent on what he actually has within himself. You can’t give what you do not posses. What I have to offer also depends on the woman’s moral compass.

I understand my role as a spiritual leader mostly in theory as I have little to no practice with the knowledge that I have acquired. My theories need to be put into practice in order for me to become a valuable candidate for my prospective mate. I feel that being the head of the household encompasses spiritual, social, and economical aspects. Most men focus on the monetary aspect of providing however, God wants the man to be mindful of his spiritual life along with his family then the other necessities will be fulfilled. The real question that most men should ask themselves is, “What role does God play in your life and does God have an active influence on the decisions you make ?"





I don’t think it’s a question of standards being too high or too low…..I think that people (Christians) are moving away from God and are putting what they see in the world above what God thinks they actually deserve. Sometimes what you think you should have is not really want you need. God knows what you need, so He will give you what you deserve.

I understand my role as head of the household and I know that it does not only have the main focus on providing financially. If you look at the definition of the word “provide” it in fact includes financial, spiritual, emotional, and much more. I think that a lot of people hear the word “provide” and think it only on a financial level.

I feel that I can offer the independent woman confidence by presenting myself as someone who can communicate and make great conversation. I feel that I can appeal to a woman by finding ways to make her smile, make her happy, it’s all in how you treat the woman that you’re with. I think a woman can appreciate the things that you do by treating her well. There are things men can offer that does not necessarily require large amounts of money. A lot of men feel if they don’t have a lot of money in their pockets, they can’t appeal to the independent woman. They let their egos get in the way, or they set their motives on taking from that woman. Not a lot of men have the confidence in approaching these types of woman because woman’s standards are high, or they’ve heard the same ole game from way too many men and don’t think they will be successful.

I feel that women who are very successful, making more money and is with men who are not of equal measure, may eventually feel that their he’s not man enough to rise to her level. For example, a friend of mine was dating a guy and they were living together. He was a hard worker and did everything he could financially and emotionally to support his girl while she got her degree in nursing. Once she got her degree she left the guy and when I asked her why, she said “Because he was not doing anything!” It was as if her level of education brought her to a higher level and now she had forgotten all the things he had done for her along the way. I think that a lot people rush into relationships never discussing what they expect from each other. This causes problems within the relationship later on. If you talk about what you want and what you expect from each other, chances are you’ll be able to avoid making a lot of mistakes.

My role as a man in an independent woman’s world does not change even though she’s “an independent woman.” As a man I have a certain responsibility to provide, protect and be the spiritual leader. What I have to offer doesn’t take away from a woman and I would certainly consult with her in order to make decisions. She too has a role to fulfill within the household. I learned my role as the spiritual leader from things that I was taught growing up, and reading the bible.

I feel like you can’t set your standards too high but you have to be realistic. I think that everyone should shoot for someone at their level or a bit higher so that person can bring you up to theirs. Being realistic means that I’m not trying to go for Beyonce but someone who is on my level. I feel that women who have a long list of items they want should break it down to having five top things that they absolutely must have in a potential mate. Instead of looking at the little things that the guy has to have, you should focus on the big picture. So if you meet a man and he fulfills those top 5 things, you should get to know him better so that you can find out if there are other things you like fall into place. By doing that you’re not by passing someone who may be a good match for you. Especially if you’re looking at all these little things. If the guy doesn’t meet up to your top five must haves then keep it moving.

I feel that money plays a role in relationships as many marriages breakup because of financial difficulties. So it’s better to be on the same level, therefore if a man is working and he’s making good money he can afford to not think about every penny being spent. Some women have that same level of comfort. She doesn’t have to worry if she has enough to go out for dinner, or to book a vacation because she has the money. So those two people would have the similar views about money.

Being in the profession that I am people can figure out how much money you make in addition to the fact that you own property. I don’t usually tell woman about how much money I make or about the company I run because that’s my business. Although one woman was very crafty in asking some indirect yet direct questions regarding my finances (e.g. what interest rate did you get for your mortgage, what’s your credit score) I tend to not bring up the topic of money during conversations. I’m always leery of new people and that’s why I would prefer to date someone who knew when I didn’t have everything I have now. Although that’s not always possible. If I meet someone new I keep all finaincial information to myself until things get a lot more serious.

I lead a very busy life and have a full schedule because I have a regular job and I have my own company. I don’t have much time during the weekdays and I need a woman who understands that. I want a woman who is independent and ambitious because I’m ambitious also. The woman that I’d want in my life can’t be needy. She can’t be the type of woman that requires that I give her lots of attention, wanting to spend hours conversing on the phone and quality time together has to work around my schedule. I can’t fathom sitting and watching tv together for hours when I know I could use that time to return emails, phone calls, do chores around the house and yard. My girl can certainly come over and chill at my crib but she has to know that I’ll be doing other things.
So what did you learn from reading their thoughts? Did anything surprise you?
Their Stats:
Mr. Average Joe: African American, 28yrs old, some college
Mr. Realistic: African American, 29yrs old, Bachelors Degree
Mr. Ambitious: African American, 31yrs old, Bachelors & Masters Degree











Sunday, November 16, 2008

When someone uses the wrong word?



Hello Everyone,

I'm working on Part 3 of "Measure of a Man" and hopefully you'll all enjoy the read before we all move on to more great topics lol.

I wanted to ask you guys your thoughts about something. I'm a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) so it's in my nature to always pay attention to how a person communicates and how they speak. I'm sorry but it's not something I can turn off. It's my profession and I'm always "working" even when I'm not at work. LOL

So the other day I was having a conversation with a friend of a friend and they used the wrong word over and over again during the converstation. I felt so strongly about telling the person the correct word, but I didn't want to embarrass them. I left the converstation thinking about what the person said wrong and I almost felt it was my duty as a SLP to find a way to inform them of it because I could not fathom it being said again with someone else.

I just wondered what you do when this happens?

Do you let the person go on with out being corrected knowing that they will say it again and again and again? lolol

Who have you corrected, how did they respond when you told them, and would you want someone to correct you?

Just_Wondering about what you'd do in my shoes......

PS: I may start a funny series of stories as an SLP working with my kiddies (3-5 year olds)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Measure of A Man Part 2

So I’m sure you all noticed that the “Measure of a Man” post below happens to be Part 1 and there has to be a Part 2. To be honest I didn’t know what that would be until today. I wanted to get everyone’s responses, then ponder on what the next part would be so check it out.

As I go through my life, I often wonder how much of what I want is really what I want. Are these desires stemming from within me or is society, my culture, my parents, or my religion pushing me into things I’d want for my life. I’m a spiritual person and I talk to God about everything. I wonder what He wants me to do with my life, how He’d like me to live it, how I affect the people around me, and most importantly I just want a relationship with Him so that He can work through me so that way He gets all the credit. But this journey of mine with God is a process and things are revealed to me one step at a time. So for me I want to make sure that me and God are on the same page.

So let me get to the point... lol After reading everyone’s comment, I wondered about what role men really play in a woman’s life these days. I mean, I’m one of four girls and my Dad raised us to be independent and focused on reaching our goals. Where does a man fit into this entire idea of I’m “independent…I don’t need anyone to help me…I can get the house the car all on my own and a career going....thank you very much!” Not to say that we should be depending on a man for any material things. I'm not talking to superficial woman right now. I'm talking to those who have reached or is working towards reaching all their career goals, maybe the material things that you know you want etc....

Where does a man fit in?? Let me be the Male species’ advocate and ask the ladies:

What role would you want a man to play in your life?

Forget about your list of expectations and standards for one second…

Tell me why you feel the desire to have a man in your life?? Not that I’m saying that you NEED one lol But why is it a desire of yours to have someone in your life and where did that desire come from? Be honest now!

As for those Men out there don’t think I’m leaving you out. I want you to answer this question:

What role do you think you play in a woman’s life?

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Measure of A Man Part 1


A friend of mine went the gym the other day and she happened to have a conversation with a fellow gym goer about men, women, and dating. It struck me as very interesting conversation so I decided to post a question to you all.

So the topic of discussion was how women have failed in keeping our standards high causing us to settle for less when it comes to men that we choose to be in a relationship with.

His Stats: Mr. Gym goer was described as an African American in his late 30s early 40s, married with two children 2year old and 7years old. He stated that he was at the gym trying to keep himself together and physically fit even though his time is very limited.

Her Stats: African American in her late 20s, single and goes to the gym to stay fit and be healthy.

His Statement:

“If all women were to increase their standards in terms of what they wanted in a mate then men would have no choice but to reach those standards.” The key word in his statement is ALL women not some…but ALL!

Her Statement:

“But not every woman has the same standards. If my standards are set 20 feet above average I may be all by myself. Some men may not want to meet my standards because they are set to high”

His Statement:

“But that’s why women shouldn’t settle for a Joe Shmo from around the way. If the guy is not ambitious, aspiring to do more with his life or trying to meet goals then that man won’t do anything within a relationship. Especially if you’re saying you’re comfortable settling for less. Women have to make men work harder! If all women do it then they wouldn’t have a choice.”

Her Statement:

“I understand what you are trying to say but many of the men women encounter today don’t even know where to begin in order to meet the minimal standards. So women find themselves setting low expectations, hoping that it will produce higher results. The sad part about having low expectations is that you end up settling for less when you should be getting so much more. I feel that there are so much more Joe Shomos out there doing less then those who are above average in meeting my standards.

So I ask you all out there what do you think?

Do you think that Women are setting low standards and if so do you think that men will rise to higher expectations if the standards were to increase?

Are woman asking for too much?

Men please Speak up! lol

Hit me up with a comment! I want to hear when you have to say on this topic.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Picture Perfect



Have you ever thought about how you would meet the love of your life...I mean I know many don't sit and ponder on these things but if you could have created the instance in which you crossed paths with the person you would be spending the rest of your life with, when, where, and under what circumstances would it be? Crossing the street, at the local supermarket, shopping for a gift at the mall, at your favorite restaurant.....The possibilities are endless....

Here’s my little scene:

After finishing an entire roll of film in my camera I happen to go to the photo shop I often frequent for many years to develop my prints. I also was very excited to pick up the prints I had dropped off last week. I love this little shop because they do an impeccable job and the owner knows exactly what I want. As I walk into the shop, I realized the sweet elderly owner Mr. Jacobs wasn’t behind the counter. I ring the bell resting by my hand and said,

“Hello…is anyone back there!” A voice responded saying,

“Oh sorry!! I’ll be right out, I’m just in the middle of something. If you call out your name I’d be glad to find your prints on my way back out there!”

So I did as the voice requested and began to look at the enlarged prints on the walls of the shop that all seemed to speak to me. Mr. Jacobs work was amazing and I always wondered how I could capture the same shots…I continued to look not knowing that Mr.Voice had come over to the counter and said…

“Oh, that print in the corner, I love that one the most. The woman in the picture seemed so at ease and her sense of joy appears to jump out at you.”

I replied, “Well you’re right about that, but don’t you think the shot needs a little more lighting.”

Mr. Voice replied, “Absolutely not…I think the entire shot is flawless with just the right amount of lighting, which accentuates the woman’s natural beauty. I’ve always thought My Grandfather did an amazing job on that picture”

My mind wondered a million thoughts as I stood there a few seconds longer looking at the picture. I was very taken by the comments he had made…..It was at that point that I broke my trance. I turned around to meet Mr. Voice’s gaze who had just revealed himself as Mr. Jacob’s grandson.

There behind that counter stood a 6’0 foot tall, milk chocolate man, with a medium build. As I put a face to the voice… I uttered the words,

“Actually, Mr. Jacobs didn’t take that shot…I did….”

That my friends is the very beginning to what I could imagine to have met the love of my life. The story includes my passion for a lost hobby of mine, a common thirst for capturing a moment in time, and my interest peaked by words before anything else.

Alas although it is a fantasy….I know that the real life event will be remembered as something flawless because it was orchestrated by God.

So tell me…If you could…When..Where..and under what circumstances would you want to meet the love of your life. Please do share no matter how ridiculous you may think it sounds lol

Thanks for reading!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Who is looking back at you in the Mirror?

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to tell your friend/family member/girlfriend/boyfriend something about their personality that isn’t the nicest?


It’s a very hard task to say to someone…


“You’re so negative..”

“You have so much going for yourself but you’re ungrateful for the things you have.”

“You can’t be independent…you always seem to need my help even if the task is simple.”

“You never say thank you”

“You complain too much….way too much”

“You don’t make an effort to spend time with me”

“I feel like everyone else in your life is important and I’m at the bottom of your list” “You’re never encouraging”

“You’re impatient”

“You always have to be right..”

“You never listen to me….”

“You’re judgmental”

“You’re selfish”

“You’re not making an effort to make things work”

“You’re self centered”

“You’re not sensitive to my situation”

I’ve told someone some of these things and it didn’t turn out very well. I had so many concerns that I didn’t share that it was dumped on the person all at the same time. I was essentially asking for a complete personality change, which wouldn’t be fair to either of us. So it ended there. I walked away leaving the lasting impression being all the things that I didn’t like and I wonder if those things were ever addressed after so many years.

Sometimes these personality traits are unbearable and you feel like after some time it’s something that has to be said. Once the cat is out of the bag…you find yourself with someone who gets so angry they never make any changes at all…. Or they make changes to make you feel better or for themselves to feel better but essentially the change is short lived. Lastly, there’s the person that is willing to change for the better for themselves and the future of their relationships.

So tell me have you ever been in a situation where you’ve had to tell someone something about their personality? How did you do it? How did it end up?

Has anyone told you about something about your personality? How did you feel when it happened? Did you eventually make any changes?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

What If.........

"There's a cute guy who happens to get on the elevator on the 6th floor when I go to lunch around 1:15pm..he's always with a client or with a group of people...."

"Wow every time I see that guy at the library he seems so focused on his school work and I find that really attractive."

"There's a girl who comes into the bookstore where I work who takes my breath away every time I see her...but I don't think she'd date a guy like me."


"I've been friends with this woman that I've known for the past 3 years and although I've always found her attractive I don't think she'd ever see me in a romantic way."

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you see someone that has caught your eye but they have no idea you exist….You may see them at the company luncheons because they work in a different department…or a customer that happens to shop on the same days you do at the local supermarket.

So I was wondering what do you do…or should I say what have you done to get someone’s attention. Did you drop that orange hoping they would pick it up and strike up a conversation? Have you ever “appeared” to have a problem so that you could ask them for help?

For the Women I ask: Would you prefer to be approached or wait to be noticed?

For the Man: Do you ever wish that woman would approach you or do you prefer to make the 1st move?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Under The Weather




Hey Everyone,

I'm a bit under the weather so I'm laying in my bed right now typing this post on my phone...So I'm going to keep this short and challenge you with a question that I was wondering about over the weekend.

When you have reached the end of your time here on earth..

What would you want people to remember about you??

What would you hope people would say about you as a person?


Hit me with something to read while I recover!

Thanks for Reading!

Just_Wondering :-)

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Moderate Comments

Hey Guys,

From now on I'll be moderating my comments because random people have recently been posting nonsense on my Blog! So I just wanted to give you a heads up. I really didn't want to do it but I have no choice.

Thanks!

Just_Wondering

**********CHECK OUT TWO NEW POSTS BELOW **********

Choices and Consequences


Elle had locked herself in the bathroom even though she was all alone in her apartment.. She looked in the mirror and began sobbing uncontrollably. Her mind was reeling and she couldn’t think straight. She lowered herself and sat on the lid of the toilet bowl and stared at the wrappers and the plastic indicators that had all confirmed something she feared would not happen at this stage in her life. She was pregnant……Elle took a total of six home pregnancy tests because as she took the 1st one to the 5th one, she was convinced that they were all wrong. How could she have been so stupid, how could she have thought that this couldn’t happen to her. She couldn’t bring herself to leave the bathroom, because if she did…it would mean that the truth would be released into the world. Once she crossed that threshold, she would officially have to be held accountable for her actions and deal with the consequences.

Elle took a piece of toilet paper and wiped her tears away. She slowly collected all the remnants of the pregnancy tests and threw them in the trash. It was time to face reality…she reached for the doorknob…as she turned it…. her heart sank because she had no idea what her life would be like in the next couple of months.

Elle felt alone and scared. She sat on her bed and thought about the past couple of months. You see…Elle had loved her life up until this point. She was in her last year in college, she had tons of friends, and was looking forward to the future. She knew she didn’t really want to be in any serious relationships so she dated whoever caught her eye. Her mind rewinded to a series of images in which she tried to remember when she could have conceived the child she was carrying.

Was it Gerald or Daniel? She had kept both relationships with these men within the last 3-6 months, yet she couldn’t bring herself to break ties with either one. The tears began streaming down her eyes again and she thought “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!!!” This is not what she wanted right now. Why wasn’t she smart enough to have asked them to wear a condom? In the heat of the moment it all just felt so right and so good.

Her plans for the future are forever altered…She had always imagined she’d have children when she married the love of her life. Never did she think that she may be a single mom.

Elle picked up the phone and dialed Gerald’s number……

“Hello, Gerald….We need to talk….Can you come over to my place?”

After speaking to Gerald, who was on his way over, she picked up the phone yet again but this time to dialed Daniel’s number. She’d have to tell Daniel over the phone because he had gone back to North Carolina to finish off his last semester of college.

“Hello Daniel….I’m pregnant…..”

Words From Just Wondering


Over the years I’ve witnessed a few situations in which women have found their lives forever changed because they made the wrong choices about protecting themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unexpected pregnancy.

Have you ever been in this senerio?

In your experience what were some of the reasons why some women in your life who were in this situation didn’t protect themselves?

If you were Elle’s close friend what would you tell her about her situation?

Who Is Just_Wondering?


Hey Bloggers, Anonymous Commenters, and Lurkers that come and read but are too afraid to comment lol...I just realized that I’ve started this blog roughly 6 months ago! My friend Product Junkie Diva helped me start this entire journey and I’m so happy that she convinced me to do a Blog. I call it my outlet because it gives me an opportunity to share my thoughts on topics I find myself chatting about with my friends and family.

So here’s the deal! I’m going to give you guys the opportunity to ask me questions about whatever you’d like to know (not that I’m all together that exciting) but sometimes its good to tell people a little about yourself so that they can know more about the person behind the Blog. So here is your chance!

Post a question as a comment and I’ll do my best to answer it!

Thanks For Reading and I'm looking foward to your questions (uh oh I'm scared now lol)


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Those Words Hurt So Much



Oh my Goodness…..I said something I shouldn’t have said. How could I have let my anger, my emotions, my pain get the best of me? Why didn’t I just take the time to think about it before the words flew out of my mouth? What do I do now? All I can think about is how she feels right now. What would it be like to hear those words coming out of her mouth?

Words are very powerful…They can build confidence and can also make you feel lower then you’ve ever felt. Words can stay with you and you can hear something hurtful being played in your head over and over again. Someone can trigger a distant memory by mentioning a phrase that can have your mind reeling for the entire day and can also lead to sleepless nights

I said something hurtful two weeks ago to someone that I care about. In that moment when it happened, I couldn’t contain how I was feeling. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone to say what I wanted so I opted to send it via text (something I don’t recommend but under the circumstances I really didn’t want to speak on the phone) So I typed one word after the next as I felt like I was giving birth to a ball of pain. Although I care about this dear friend of mine, I didn’t really take the time to choose my words wisely. I wanted to express one thing….but in turn I communicated something totally different. In the end, my friend was hurt.

See I didn’t know how bad it was until I took a break for a few days because I was hurting too. I prayed about getting my peace back and then thought that it would be best to meet up. When we met up and we talked about everything….Oh My….I really made my friend feel horrible…I did all that I could to fix the problem…I said sorry….I explained my actions….I wish I could take it all back….but I couldn’t.

So I went home thinking about how much my words weigh…How they would have felt if thrown in my direction from someone who I thought cared about me? I wanted to pick up the phone and say that I was sooooooo sorry…over…and over…and over again.

How do you fix the situation when you’ve said something hurtful?

Do you feel you should say sorry just once?

Do you ever try to put yourself in that person’s shoes?

What have you learned after the situation was repaired?

I've been Gone...But Now I'm Back!


Hey Everyone,

Ok I feel horrible because I haven't posted in such a long time! I took a much needed vacation and a mental vacation too. Sometimes when you do so much you don't take the time to slow down...stop...and wonder why you are always running. I went away to Florida for a few days and I thought about so many things about my life and when I came back to made a few changes and set some goals for myself.

So thank you all for reading my blog...Thanks for coming back...Thanks for commenting... Thanks to Amina (you're always the 1st to post lol), Product Junkie Diva, Calming Corners, Marcus, Frugalista Files, Therapeutic Musings, my newbies Laughing808, and Silverback, and my Anonymous Crew that come by whenever I tell them I've posted something new!

I encourage all of you to subscribe to my blog because to be honest I try and post at least once a week but sometimes things get a little crazy on my end. I'm sorry about that, but if you subscribe on the left side of this page you'll be "in the know" about what I've posted asap.

Thanks so much for making this experience so great!

Just_Wondering aka Myriame

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Friendships


I was thinking about my friendships the other day and I’ve noticed that some people have entered my life for a brief moment in time, some friends I’ve had to walk away from, and others have lingered but our relationships have changed a bit because of numerous reasons (e.g. moved away, got married) Whatever the case may be, I realized that with every new friendship I was faced with the opportunity to learn something new about someone and to build a bond with them. Some friends you speak to everyday, others you text back and forth, or you may find yourself meeting up with a friend only once or twice a year even though you live in the same city!! lol

So I thought about my friends of the past, and present just wondering how they all began. What did I see in them that made me want to be friends? What did I do to get things started? If you could tell me the secret to developing a friendship with someone what would those steps be?

Thanks for Reading!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

If You Could Stop Time.......

Vanessa stepped off the plane into Miami International Airport beyond excited! It was her first trip to South Beach and she couldn’t wait to shop, take in the scenery, hangout at the beach (not in the water cause she can’t swim lol) and dance dance dance her way as she enjoyed the nightlife. Her girlfriend Trisha and Trisha’s bestfriend Damon were ready for their four day vacation. Everything was amazing! The hotel, the palm trees, even the hot summer blazing heat was inviting. Nothing….I mean nothing could go wrong during this fun filled getaway. Or so she thought!

On their second day of bliss something happened that made Vanessa wish that she could stop time and find a way to erase everyone’s memories. Something that she wished for just one moment she could roll up into a tiny ball and hide under a rock. What could possibly make her feel this way you ask?? Well then picture this…..

Vanessa, Trisha and Damon were all dressed and ready to go to the beach. Vanessa is not a big fan of the beach because she’s afraid of drowning in the ocean! Homegirl cannot swim and having 10 lessons at the YMCA wouldn’t let that water get past her ankles! Vanessa was also not excited about wearing the bathing suit she had on. You see she was a bit self conscious about being in a bathing suit but she really didn’t have a choice. They chilled on the blanket for a while and talked about life lol well mostly about how lucky they were because they had escaped the hustle and bustle of the NYC metro area where they were from.


Trisha and Damon were DYING to get into the water and somehow coaxed Vanessa into getting her ankles wet! Lol When she got into the water she was terrified! Trisha and Damon were coaxing her into moving deeper and deeper into the ocean where she found herself submerged up to her waist. Vanessa started to feel confident, secure, and fearless!!! She was diving into the waves and she was having a great time…until she came up from one huge wave that seemed to have caused her to lose her footing…however she caught herself and didn’t fall…she stood up and looked around for her friends as they looked to see if she was ok.

Damon looked at her and Vanessa smiled and said

“I’m ok but that was pretty scary!”

He say’s “No it’s not that, um Vanessa you top came off a bit…”

Vanessa looks down and that’s when the world stopped for a second too long. There….in that moment she had wished she could roll up into a tiny ball and hide under a rock…. Her boob had made it’s grand appearance and Damon had to be the person to point it out to her!

HOW EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After that incident she couldn’t help but think “I should have never gone into that WATER!!!!”

I hoped you enjoyed reading that story because it was in fact a true story! Vanessa’s true identity was in fact yours truly when I went to Maimi at 23yrs old….lol Now it has become a distant running joke that I laugh about now !

Have you had any moments when you’ve felt so embarrassed you wanted to stop time?? DO TELL US about it!!!!

Thanks for Reading!!!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Are You Getting Yourself Prepared..?

….Hey….it’s meI was thinkingOh I’m sorryHere’s an invitation to what I’ve been wondering about lately……Welcome to my thoughts…..I was looking back at my life and to be quite honest I’ve been blessed…I have accomplished most of what I wanted at stage in my life. I got an education; I have a career that I love, and a great place to work... I’m healthy, my family is with me and I have friends…

I was thinking about how I got it all… What did I do….for the most part I realized that I prayed and then got myself prepared for each step I took. When I finished HS I knew I wanted to go to college so I got prepared and made a list of schools I wanted then applied. When I went to class, I learned the material and went home to go back over everything so that I’d be prepared for the exams. I got myself ready, I studied, I researched what I didn’t really know or understand.. right….Well lets keep going…I promise you that I’m getting somewhere with this……I knew I wanted to buy a car someday but first I needed to drive!! I needed to get ready to get on the road before I could officially call myself a driver….I take continuing education courses to make sure that I’m on top of my game to better serve my clients…I start looking up all the information I need in order to invest my money so I could get ready for retirement…

The more I thought about it…the more I realized that I did something to prepare myself for the unknown…for college…for those exams…for that road test...for my monetary investments…. So then I started to wonder…I wondered about the other things I’d like to see happen in my future…marriage…kids…however I began to realize when it comes to something as big as marriage that people aren’t getting themselves prepared….Something that will affect the rest of your life…Something so complicated as falling in love…. Now I used the word complicated because it’s just that…Love and developing a relationship is hard work….Marriage is about two people becoming one…Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to take a course on marriage before you jumped the broom. I know you can’t know everything…but maybe just maybe you could do some research, speak to a few married or divorce couples just to get some insight about the idea of happily ever after (if that is even at all possible cause living in today’s age is no fairytale)

How amazing would it be to know what pitfalls to avoid before you get to them before you get married? How to resolve issues? How to communicate your feelings? Isn’t it ironic that people get themselves prepared in one way or another for a lot of things in life but they don’t get prepared or try to figure out what it would take to have a successful marriage….?

If marriage is on your to do list, is there really anyway to get yourself prepared (and I’m not talking about when you are engaged already…way before that?)

So I ask you this…..

Do you feel like there is a way to get yourself prepared and if so what would you be willing to do to prepare for it? Have you done anything so far? If so what was it?

Why is it that with everything else we are ready to do the research to get ourselves prepared for the unknown…but we often walk into marriage thinking we can take a crash course at the alter…?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

A Mundane Morning



Jeremiah walks into the office like any other Monday just wondering where the weekend had gone. He thought to himself "Wow what the heck did I do all weekend! Wasn't it just friday??" He says Good Morning to his coworkers and settles down in his office to continue working on a special project. After an hour or so, his supervisor, Mr.Richards gives him a call and tells him to come into his office to meet the new accountant that would be working on all the accounts for the company.

Jeremiah tells his supervisor that he'll be right in and saves his work before leaving his desk.

As Jeremiah walks into Mr.Richards' office he sees a woman sitting at the desk from behind. "Oh it's a woman" was the first thought that came to his mind.

Mr.Richards looks up and says, "Oh Jeremiah, I’m glad you came in so quickly. I'd like to introduce you to Jolie Foster our new accountant. "

Jolie Foster rises from her chair to turn and greet Jeremiah. Jeremiah takes his first glimpse at Jolie's face and immediately notices her beautiful bright smile, then her amazingly smooth milk chocolate skin and finally rested on her eyes.

He was taken by her beauty and thought "DAMMNNNNNN THANK GOD FOR MONDAY MORNINGS!" LOL

He noticed that what stood before him was one wonderful package from the ends of her newly cut hair to the bottom of her 2 1/2 inch heels. It only took a few seconds to do a once over and he knew instantly that he was attracted to her.

He shakes her hand and says, "Well Ms. Foster it's wonderful to meet you and I welcome you to the company."

Meanwhile what he's really thinking sounds more like "Uh Uh Uh…. Ms. Jolie....I hope we cross paths REAL soon because I wouldn't mind taking your fine self to dinner!"

He releases her hand and they continue to make small talk. After a few minutes, Jeremiah heads back to his office wondering about this woman he just met at work. Monday didn't seem so mundane after all.


So to my readers...I ask you these questions....
Have you ever been in a situation where you've dated a coworker? What was it like?

If someone approached you at work and showed interest or asked you out how would you handle the situation?

How do you feel about dating someone from work whether it's someone from the office you are working in or a "Hottie" from another department/floor??

If you started dating the person how would you precede with the relationship (e.g. keep afterwork affairs afterwork, or tell a fellow cowoker about your new found love.)

Gimme Your Comments!!! I'm nosy about this topic!



Just_Wondering

Monday, July 21, 2008

Anger Management



Have you ever been so mad that you were at a loss for words? Have you ever felt so angry that every time you had an idle moment, you’d remember what happened and play the events over in your head only to get mad all over again. We’ve all had these moments and recently I’ve come to realize that when I do have them I try not to take it out on others around me. I mean honestly how fair is it to get pissed off at a family member or your Boo/husband when someone else got on your nerves. However, for some people it’s a natural reaction. You get mad, stay mad, and you make sure everyone knows you’re mad!!

I just came back from a walk because I was so upset that I couldn’t possibly stay in the environment I was in. I had to escape!! I played words over and over in my head and I felt my like steam was rising up in me. Now I don’t often feel like this but some people just know the right buttons to push to send you to MADville!! I JUST KNEW I had to get away from the situation. I knew the best way to deal was not to stay and yell or say things I don’t mean but rather take some time to cool down. (It’s pretty cool working out when you’re mad lol makes the workout fly by) So I cooled down… I came back and I was thankful that I walked away….

So I ask you about your anger management techniques….Why don’t you fill in the blank….

When I get mad I feel like a__________??

Then tell us: How do you react when you get heated (e.g. yell, leave, get quiet)?

After you get into an argument with someone how do you treat others around you?

What do you do to calm yourself down?

Stay Tuned

Hey Everyone!

I had a busy weekend and I plan on posting this evening so PLEASE stop by later!

Just_Wondering

Sunday, July 13, 2008

A Female's Perspective on Internet Dating

After giving everyone a chance to share their thoughts on the topic of internet dating, I thought it would be a great idea to give those of you who have never tried it (including me lol) some insight on what the process is really like. So as Part 2 of the Internet dating series, I wanted to get a female's perspective on the topic. Ladies and gentleman I introduce you to Liza Rojas!

Liza is a 30 year old Latina residing in New York City. She is special education teacher who was also gracious enough to share her experience on Internet Dating. Let's tune into what she has to say--->

JW: “How many men have you met in person and how did you feel during your first date ever?”

L: I can't really remember exactly how many men I have dated. I would say 10-12 people within the last 5 years. I am not a serial dater type of girl lol. On my first date...I was actually really excited and nervous to meet him. I felt this way because we had good chemistry on-line and he sounded really romantic and sweet. I felt nervous because it was only natural to feel that way. I always feel slightly nervous on first dates. The only thing I was concerned about was the visibility of his picture on-line. I couldn't see what he looked like because his picture was somewhat fuzzy. Despite my concerns, I decided to meet him. When I finally arrived, I saw him on the corner waiting for me. We introduced ourselves and walk into the cafe together. After about 20 minutes, my feelings of nervousness disappeared. The date went well. We spoke for 2-3 hours. He was very polite and respectful. However, I did not feel enough chemistry to have a second date.”

JW: “What are some of the essential aspects of someone's profile that you look out for and why?”

L: “Looking for profiles of potential interest is extremely important to me. I would say this is the most tedious part of internet dating. That's of course..if you are serious about meeting a significant other or a husband. Of course, I have to be attracted to the person. That doesn't mean I'm looking for the next Brad Pitt. What am I saying is...I have to be attracted to him both intellectually and physically. If I had to choose between the two...I looked for someone with great intellect. When looking for a profile...I focus on the written portion. Based on that, I am able to answer these questions for myself: "Is he educated? Can he express his wants and needs in a relationship? Does he appear sincere and caring? Does he have a good relationship with family and friends? Does he appear bitter and fed up with relationships? Is he self absorbed? Is he looking for a good time in the bedroom?"

"I ask myself these questions because it determines whether I will be compatible with him. It also helps me to know if the person is caring, sensitive to my needs, actively listens consistently, responsible, goal-oriented, and has good communication skills and is capable of having meaningful relationships with people, and actually wants to find the love of his life. By having these qualities I can feel confident that he will be there to pick me up on my 2 feet during the tough times. When I find that great profile...I do not hesitate to initiate conversation. I jump on it quickly!! What do you have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is he never responds back. OH well....don't let that phase you! Keep positive and move it along!!”

JW: What are some of the challenges that you face during the entire process?"

L: "Internet dating is very time consuming. In the beginning it was really fun. I was constantly on-line talking with 2-3 different people at a time. I was online searching the net and talking on the phone 20 hours a week. It really felt like a 2nd job. As I entered graduate school, the hours online and on the phone were significantly decreased making my chances of meeting someone very slim! Other challenges I faced were with the actual people I was dating. At that time I was in my late 20s. I met people who did not represent themselves as they did online and on the phone. They wanted to hit the sheets very quickly on the actual first date. So, you really have to smell this behavior coming and remove yourself from the date quickly. "


"Another challenge I faced was finding great chemistry with people....that connection filled with lots of energy. The third challenge was deciding whether I should date someone who has been married with children. As I get older I am finding that more people have children from previous marriages. Do I really want to deal with baby mamma drama?? I feel like I have no choice. The divorce rate is 50% in United States. I may make an exception depending on the circumstance. I haven't come to a decision on that yet. Honestly, whether I am dating online or going to the bars to meet someone....the challenges are the same. The only difference is your saving money on cocktails and entrance fees for the bar and clubs.
"

JW: "How long did your relationships last?"

L: "In my own experience, my relationships have not lasted very long. The longest relationship was 4 months."

JW: "Do you feel that everyone should give it a try and if so what advice would you give to a 1st timer?"

Yes, I feel everyone should give internet dating a try. Each experience is different. I know some people may feel apprehensive about it. I totally understand. I was in their shoes once before. Do some research, talk with other people who have been on-line dating for a few years and get their perspective on the topic. I think people should keep their options open. In this day and age, it is quite normal to use internet dating services to meet people. To help myself adjust to the World of Internet Dating, I signed on with a friend. When I went on dates, I always chose a close location to meet and I gave my friends the address of where I was going. I also gave my password and user ID to my family and friends.

I had the dates early in the day and kept it very short (2-3 hours tops!). I truly believe that it no different from meeting the guy or girl in the club and him/her asking to hang out the next week. You barely know the guy or girl. He is probably drunk anyway and can't even remember your name the next day lol. At least online....you can read what they are all about and what their intentions are when finding a potential candidate to date. If you are not comfortable with it just yet....try other alternatives. For example, taking dance classes, exercise classes and asking friends to put out the word out that you want to meet new people. Maybe they can arrange a blind date. Eventually, maybe one day you will get the courage to get-online to date.

JW: “If you've been internet dating for more then 5yrs how has it changed, if at all, over time?”

L: “The only change I have seen is more people are open to talking about their own experiences with internet dating. I find that people my age like those at work or I heard through other friends, are currently doing the online dating or have at least tried it. I also see more commercials and advertisements. It appears to be becoming the norm to find someone of interest online. In the past it used to be more of secret. It was something that a person would do on the down low.”

JW:
"Lastly, any funny stories you would like to share about internet dating?"

L: "I met this guy who was a dectective I was really attracted to him, he seemed very sincere, and genuine. He had a daughter (as you already know I wasn't really up for dating someone with children) however, he seemed to have a really good relationship with her and I thought I'd give it a shot. We went out two times and he seemed interested in me but he didn't call me for a week and a half. When I was ready to write him off lol, he finally called and I decided to go out with him again. We had a nice time talking and getting to know more about each other. But then after that 3rd date he didn't call me back. I didn't get disappointed because you're not met to make a connection with everyone you meet otherwise dating wouldn't exist LOL."

"So after some time another attractive guy contacted me and I found out he was a detective who also seemed very sincere and great to talk to! He also had a child and commented that he frequently goes to visit his child in the same location as the 1st detective. I was surprised and I started to find a connection between two men because their stories sounded very similar."


"THEN homeboy tells me he has a brother! I threw 3 questions his way to find out if the two were related and I found out that they were faternal TWINS!!! I told him that I dated his brother and that it didn't work out. I didn't feel comfortable going out on a date with him even though he expressed interest after finding out I went out with his brother! GO FIGURE! ANND HE WAS SUCH A CUTIE!!"


I would like to give a special thanks to Liza for sharing her personal experience with us!

What type of impression has Liza left on how you feel about internet dating??

Was there anything you found to be interesting about the information she provided?


Do you have any more questions you'd like to ask her?


Please read the following post for "A Male's Perspective On Internet Dating"

Pt 2-A Male's Perspective on Internet Dating


You always have to get two or more sides to any situation or any hot topic out there!! So of course it's only fair to hear a Male’s Perspective so I decided to interview a fellow blogger Marcus Langford on his experience.

Marcus is a 29 year old African American Male residing in Washington DC. He is architectural designer by profession, the founder of Langford Internetprises and author of 'Mind of Marcus'.

Now lets find out what Internet Dating is all about from Marcus' Perspective!


JW: "When did you begin internet dating, how long have you been doing it and why did you become interested in it?"

ML: "I began Internet dating back in 2001. After I split from my ex-wife, I went to the Internet to find my next date and it proved successful. I didn't join any dating sites, I simply joined a social networking site [BlackPlanet.com]. Since I don't like to go out and meet women, the Internet was an easy way to meet women of interest."

JW:"How many women have you met in person and how did you feel during your first date ever?"

ML: "I have actually met several women in person from the Internet, but I didn't date all of them; that wasn't necessarily the goal in mind. The majority of them are current friends of mine. Two of them, I dated for some period of time, but eventually we went our separate ways. The first date I had with with a young lady from the Internet was pretty cool; casual with no pressure."

JW: "What are some of the essential aspects of someone's profile that you look out for and why?"

ML:"Her pictures and what she is about. I want to know if she is goal oriented and focused on meeting those goals. I want to know if she is health driven and/or athletic. I want to know what she feels about family and if she has a good relationship with hers. Also knowing if she has children of her own helps to know what type of woman she is. I want to know about her common interest and what she enjoys to do. All of these things and more are important to me because I have to feel out whether or not she is worth pursuing based on what her profile offers at face value."

JW:"What are some of the challenges that you face during the entire process?"

ML:"Each situation has presented their own problems. The last relationship, the biggest challenge was the distance because I lived in D.C. and she lived in Oklahoma City. In general, meeting and dating a woman from the Internet is not going to be much different than finding a woman in a bar and dating her. Women are women and challenges are challenges and things don't change much from the norm."

JW:"How long did your relationships last?"

ML:"One of the relationships lasted for about four months. The most recent relationship lasted for about 18 months; we split up this past March. Surprisingly, the relationship that lasted the shortest period of time was the one that hurt me more emotionally when it was over, more than likely because there was so much more that was invested in that relationship and there was a small child involved that I grew to love and care for. So yeah, it took a lot out of me."

JW:"Do you feel that everyone should give it a try and if so what advice would you give to a 1st timer?"

ML:"If people are tired of trying to meet a good man or woman at a club, bar, or lounge and the folks in church just aren't doing it for you, then the Internet is the next best thing. However, do not pay for these dating sites because they are a waste of time. Social networks and even blogs are a good way to network with some pretty decent women and men. But be yourself and do not try to impress someone with a bunch of lies that you can not back up because there is a good chance that could come back to bite you in the behind down the road if not sooner."

JW:If you've been internet dating for more then 5yrs how has it changed, if at all, over time?

ML:"The technology has become better and makes is easier for us to meet new and interesting people, other than that not much has changed in the past five years, because the people are still the same. "

JW:"Lastly, any funny stories you would like to share about internet dating?"

ML:"I went on a blind date via the Internet one time. As I mentioned, seeing a picture or two is important to me. This one time I decided to go against my rule and when I met her in person and she got out of her car, I felt like 'Smokey' on 'Friday'. LOL! Never again did I make that mistake."

Marcus I'd like to say a Special Thanks for sharing your experience with us!!


What type of impression has Marcus left on how you feel about internet dating??

Was there anything you found to be interesting about the information he provided?


Do you have any more questions you'd like to ask him?


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Internet Dating Part 1


As Carla gets herself ready for her date she starts to panic! She starts to wonder “Omgoodness I can’t believe I’m doing this!! I never thought I’d do this! What if he’s disappointed when he sees me? What if he looks like a troll? Maybe I shouldn’t go…..” Carla convinces herself to take the plunge and go through with the date. This may be her opportunity to make a connection with someone great. Why pass it up just because of how she met the guy? She hops in her car and starts heading towards the coffee shop. She pulls into the parking lot, takes one last look at her face and hair and says, “Ok girl, it’s now or never….” As she walks into the coffee shop she spots Marcel at the table by the window and tells herself “Let’s seeing if internet dating is for me..”

Internet dating has become the next best thing when trying to broaden your chances on meeting someone new. Seems like technology plays a part in every aspect of our lives these days. I remember going over to my cousins house as they invited tons of friends over just to hangout. It was the perfect way of meeting “a friend of a friend” in the most comfortable situation. Why comfortable? Their family of 3 girls and 2 boys ALWAYS had people hanging out or coming over for special events. Sometimes at these get togethers, people would often see each other more than once and you can certainly get the 411 about someone in a matter of a couple of minutes. The beauty of these house parties is that there was no pressure or rush to get all the facts you needed in a short amount of time.

NOW things are different. People go out more. They may go to a bar/clubbing hoping they’ll find the one there, you may find someone at work, or other venues that we often frequent like the grocery store. However, we have this wonderful thing at home called a computer that makes everything easy! Shoot I’d order me a man in a second if it were that easy! But the closest thing we could get to ordering a mate is internet dating. You search through profiles hoping to find a connection. Most of us are too busy to be social and go out, so we miss out on opportunities to meet someone special ( I’m so guilty of being a home body lol) The internet brings your options right to your computer screen. How convenient! It’s perfect right?

What were your first impressions of internet dating?
Have you tried it?
Would you try it and Why?

This topic will have more than one part to it so stay tuned! Thanks for reading!