Finding Love In Washington, DC

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?
I do believe it is difficult to find a woman that I am interested in, for one, I am very well traveled, so with that being said I have lived in about 6 different countries and I have dated women in most of them except for two but with that being well traveled has given me a combination of different cultural characteristics that I like on women. I am also of Caribbean upbringing so even though I am american that is a factor in what I look for in a woman.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?
For one in the DC metropolitan area I meet women of color who are very sheltered to there own cultures and environments, so are not willing to try other things this includes race. I am black as I mentioned but I am open to dating other races. Second I am older now 36 years of age, and I have no children. Most women in my age bracket if they are single have had some past marriages, relationships or whatever that have left them with kids, and a man dating a woman with a child, or children is a completely different scenario. There is truly a different attitude about women with kids in my time now then in my parent’s time. So finding a woman in my age range with no kids is also a challenge. Also education, I do not have a degree, but I am very intelligent speaking 4 languages, and knowing a variety of different things and topics. I am well spoken and I have many other traits that illustrate education, now I am going to school currently, but sometimes women view that as a flaw, especially women of my genre that I am looking to date or used to dating. On the flip side of that sometimes I do understand of wanting to know where woman would hold that against you on that educational tip.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?
I don’t feel I am at an advantage, always, but for the most part recently I have been seeing that I am lucky to a certain extent, because I do have that in my favor, but there is a down side to this. Sometimes I wonder if I meet a woman and date and see some things I don’t like, if I am judging them too harsh because I know that I have a better chance of meeting someone else and finding a new girl to date then if I might deal with a little bit of problems I normally wouldn’t if you can understand where I am coming from on that note.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?
Recently I have to say I have been looking alot online, because I seem to have lost my edge on approaching women. I hate rejection like I believe most men do, and women can sometimes be really harsh on a guy if they don’t like him. I hear people say never meet a guy in a club, but I disagree, because of a lot of reasons one thing if you meet a guy in a club one thing is certain of you and his possibility you and him, he likes the same types of events you do, or is willing to at least try something new, because you met him there. I am a firm believer that when people are in social gatherings it is a time when they have there guard down and allow you to approach them in one aspect. Grocery stores and stuff like that always seem creepy to me to approach a person, because when you are in places like that you are there for something, to eat not to be hit on. I don’t think Church is it; because your concentration should be on worshiping God, I am sure there are a lot of wholesome women there, but maybe afterwards. Bars are good to, but overall I think events are the best place and online. One thing is certain if you meet a person at a club or online, the first few date that person is only going to let you see what they want you to see, it is not until you have kissed them and spent a couple of nights with them not even sexually for that matter will you know what you are really getting into.

Mr.Shy & Witty In the City

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?
Great question. In a city a 8-9 million people, I would think people would be falling all over each other but it seems that everyone is 
just lonely and incompatible. I find it very difficult to find women that match my criteria. I don't think my standards are too high but at the same
time I refuse to settle.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone? 
People play games (both men and women), aren't upfront and honest, and most people don't seem to really know what they want.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?
Not really. I get along with most people so finding someone I get along with is very easy for me but finding an amazing,
genuine, and kind hearted girl is a tough task.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you? 
I'm defiantely a little on the shy side so I'm not the type of guy to approach women in a bar or club setting. I like making witty comments and I like
to make people laugh so that usually works well for me.

It's Like Looking In A Mirror

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

I have little or no interest in the majority of women I meet. I mean this in a sexual/romantic way. I don't mind being friends with just about anyone who shares my interests or passions, but the truth is that I hardly ever meet anyone for whom I have feelings beyond friendship. The last time I had feelings for a woman was about 3 years ago.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

I can connect with just about anyone and it's actually pretty easy for me to go out and meet women and find dates. But what I realized recently is that the people closest to me are like mirrors of myself. So at this point in my life, the women who I end up attracting seem to represent the aspects of my character that I don't particularly like. So I see it as a challenge in the sense that I will need to change some parts of my life before I attract a woman that compliments me in a way that is positive. And I think that when I finally change those things for good, I won't even need to go out looking. It will just happen as a natural process and someone will end up coming into my life that I can really connect with on a very deep level. But I'm not ready for that right now, which is part of the reason that I'm single and working on myself first.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

I don't think it's a matter of advantage. Like I said, I see the entire world as a mirror of myself. Those aspects of my personality at the forefront of my conscious mind are manifested around me. This is a truth for me because I have experienced it, but it may not be a truth for everyone. So to me, the real advantage is recognizing this truth and living it. When I see something around me that bothers me, I look to myself to see how I might change it. And when I see something around me that I love, I look to myself to figure out how to bring more of it into my awareness. This is the process I'm going through...There are a lot of people in the world - period. When I go out to a bar or something, I often feel like I have an advantage simply because I can read people pretty well. But at this point in my life, that isn't going to get me what I need and it's just an ability that comes along with experience.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I think it makes sense that I'd expect to meet interesting and attractive women at places where my interests and passions are manifested. For example, I'm very into music, so anywhere where there is a good music scene I'd expect to meet a woman like myself, enjoying whatever it is that I'm enjoying. Or, I love to read philosophy and psychology, so maybe in the bookstore in those sections I'd run into woman who shares those passions as well. There is a woman in my grad class whom I am very attracted to, but it just isn't the right situation for me to pursue it. The list goes on and on. But I think the best way to look is to not look at all. This way, nature hands you exactly what you need when you need it, not when you think you need it.

His Stats: 28 year old Caucasian, Westchester, NY

Burned By Boys Appearing To Be Men

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

The answer is complicated. I’m interested in good looking women so in that respect no, it’s not hard to find. But I’m an intelligent man with multilayered dimensions of intelligence (critical thinking, analytical, philosophically expansive, perceptive, open minded, creative, spiritual and not religious) so to find a woman who can keep me interested beyond how she looks is hard. Without some kind of substance to the personality, I get bored. I’m also very simply a nice person. I don’t have a temper or anger management problem. I’m not spoiled, so I don’t flip out when things don’t go my way. I’m not possessive or demanding or overly critical. Most of my female friends have these qualities, and it makes me feel happy to be single. If I had to date women like that (and I have already) I’d be a miserable person (as I have been before when I’ve dated women like that). It’s rare to meet a woman who’s just chill, down to earth, considerate, and easy going. Most of my male friends are recently married dudes, and they love their wives, but I can tell they’re not all the way happy with them because they compromised in some way. I’m still single because I refuse to compromise and settle.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

In addition to what I answered above, I think the main challenge is finding a woman who isn’t jaded about men overall. I’m a black male who occasionally posts ads online specifically for black woman. But I’ll get so many responses from level headed, intelligent, compassionate white women who aren’t jaded about what they perceive to be a decent man; it leaves me feeling like no matter how honestly I present myself, so many women have been burned by so many boys appearing to be men, that most (not all) but most women of my choice and preference can no longer recognize a good man when he’s right in front of them. I’ve been the “male friend” in the lives of woman who continually choose the wrong men over and over again, and never seem to put it together that a guy like me would respect them, engage them in the mind and in the heart in ways these other idiots can’t or don’t. But somehow, it never translates. Not saying they should be interested in me personally, but at least a guy “like” me would do them some good. That’s frustrating. It’s also frustrating to have all this strong character, multi-talents, gifts, smarts, good heart, yet still be judged on material standards.

It’s also all the more frustrating to meet self absorbed types who are so interested in themselves, that they aren’t really interesting at all. Just the other day I had lunch with a female friend who I thought I might have an interest in, and listening to her mentality, logic and worldview about events in her life? Made me realize how boring she is. She’s not a good listener, and only wanted to make her points while not really ‘hearing’ what I had to say to her. Thank goodness I’m a good conversationalist enough to have changed the topics several times to keep it flowing. Sometimes women are interested in me for what I have going on while they have nothing to offer. That’s not fair. Here I am taking time to develop myself and grow, but I’m supposed to just settle for someone with a stagnate personality? If you have high expectations? I can have them too.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

Not really. I feel it’s a disadvantage, because that’s just how many more woman I have to meet in order to finally get to the one who I feel is my true peer or match.

I’m a self motivated, self directed man who doesn’t follow the herd. Just because there are so many women to pick from doesn’t mean these choices are quality choices. These days, there’s more substance than style. Although, it would be nice to finally have a balance of both style and substance in one woman. I’m a one woman man.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m going to have to change this up. I’ve met a decent number of woman online by putting up ads that are honest and straightforward about what kind of person I am. I’ve met woman through my female friends, but those female friends end up getting jealous because they secretly like me but also don’t want to me know they like me. I never approach women when I’m hanging out in some club or party because I think it’s lost cause. Most guys are really corny or are players so women just don’t naturally trust getting approached from guys in public. So I just don’t bother with that. But lately, I think I’m going to have to join some classes or take some workshops around subjects that are interesting to me or around things I value with the idea of possibly meeting a woman who shares similar values and interests. It’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.

Baggage From The Last Relationship

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

• Its not hard to find a women that I am interested in….Its hard to find a black woman who doesn’t think that just because a dude is nice to her he’s running game... I give everyone a clean slate... I rarely ever get that... I usually get the baggage from the last relationship... I’m a one on one... First to come none after me... I still love ya'll though... Being hurt is a painful thing, but it’s not fair to take it out on the next dude who might actually be a great dude and honest...

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

• Usually I’m attracted to really intelligent woman... All shapes, shades of black, and style... The one thing that I find is that most of them are stuntastic (stunning/fantastic) It’s just the life work balance thing that doesn’t pan out... Sometimes it’s also that the .woman does not believe in a higher being, I’m a spiritual dude and owe my success to God and hard work. I need a woman who know he’s is the reason we exist. Know who we get our strength and power from... Alas the killer is women get bored with no drama... so they tend to self sabotage the relationship... Go figure, but its happened more than not...

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

• I don't feel any advantage over any other dude. I just let things happen. If i like someone and I pursue them I just come at them genuine. Most of the time that doesn't work because once again a lot of women are use to the game and the chase and all that crap. I straight come out and say, “look i think you are cool peoples and I would like to take you out...” That nice guy thing about finishing last comes around a lot... I'm secure with mine though, so I'm cool... My one will come...

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

• I don't really look... I usually meet women in my circle of friends and networks. If there is a connection I pursue them, if there is an attraction yet no connection we usually wind up business associates/friends...

His Stats: 36 yr old African American


QUESTION: Do you think Nice Guys Finish Last?

Truthfulness &Trust In Someone Is Key

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

• NO, I feel that women really are too complex a creature to try to categorize or sum up in words like “I like you, you’re pretty” etc... I think its more that as a male we tend to eat with our eyes thinking that we can satisfy all women in a hunter gatherer sense of the word when most men fall short of even satisfying one woman.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

• The biggest challenges we usually put on ourselves when we both inhibit, and let our insecurities get the better of us. That’s why bars are so much fun we drink we socialize we let go of our airs and take a collective shot of reality to make it all seem better and easier. Personally I think that truthfulness and trust in someone is key. If you cant trust someone why be with them, you’re going to only hurt yourself and live in that anguish we have all put ourselves through at one point in our lives. Without trust there’s nothing. Not to say that looks and attraction don’t play a part, they do but its like ordering a meal from a chain restaurant, you’re ordering the picture hoping that’s what you get.

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

• No, women have all the advantages, all the beauty, all the grace. "We men are wretched things." Thats a quote from one of my favorite movies.

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

• I don’t…I’m actually extremely shy I kinda just let it happen.

His Stats: Hispanic Male ,28 years old, Bronx NY

Class vs Booty

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

• There different levels of interest. There are women who you’re interested in physically which usually do involve anything too deep. There are women who you can date but you will never get serious with for whatever reason. Then there are ladies very few who you see your self marrying and settling down with. Therefore, the last type of women are high quality but low quantity. To conclude, there might be a greater quantity for interest but the quality situation are few and far between.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

• Class vs Booty, some women think that appeal only lies in the breast and booty. However, class, manners and intellect weighs more for me than a nice booty and boobs. At the end of the day, I have to be able to enjoy your company and who you are. To finish up, at the end of the day your mental will win out.
  

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick
from?

• No I don't feel so because its quantity vs quality. I would rather be with one quality female than ten non quality female. I'm at the point where sex is great but there needs to be more.

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

• I meet women anywhere and everywhere, from the train, to different intellectual events. However, quality women I meet randomly.

His Stats: 30yr Old African American

My First Response- The Artist

I don’t mind answering your questions, or giving you a male perspective. Though I do hope that you realize, just because your receiving information from a man, doesn’t mean that it should be subscribed to the whole male species. Therefore, I'll give you Vincent’s perspective, and nothing more...

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

• Yes. Mainly because most women that I find myself coming across, aren’t as artist-or open minded as I'd prefer. The kind of woman that I’m attracted to, is free spirited, insightful, and liberated sexual & spiritually.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

• I currently don’t face any challenges. Since I’ve given up trying to connect, it's a lost cause attempting to connect with others. Most people don’t know themselves, and aren’t comfortable with themselves, so how can I expect them to open up to me.

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

• I actually think the opposite. Quantity never equals up to quality. I think that most women aren’t "woman" enough to be with me truthfully. Sadly, a lot of our women don’t covet depth, and the supreme power of being a woman.
  

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

• I go nowhere. I focus on my son, and my artwork. If I come across a woman who's worth my time, I'll appreciate her, other than that, I don’t think twice about finding anything other than more synergy and inspiration to complete my work.
  

You spoke of having an honest connection with someone. But it’s my belief that the dating game is just that, a game, set up to get us away from honesty and truthfulness...........How can man be honest with another, if he still grapples with being honest with himself? Look at the facade that black women engulf themselves in, from the hair weaves-to fake nails-eye contacts-and euro boogie approaches toward success and advancement. Than they turn around and ask for depth from a black man. And black man are no different, we emulate ignorant depictions of us on tv, than wonder why we aren’t respected at home.

His Stats: 27yr old African American from Upstate NY

Please tell me what you think....