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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Burned By Boys Appearing To Be Men

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

The answer is complicated. I’m interested in good looking women so in that respect no, it’s not hard to find. But I’m an intelligent man with multilayered dimensions of intelligence (critical thinking, analytical, philosophically expansive, perceptive, open minded, creative, spiritual and not religious) so to find a woman who can keep me interested beyond how she looks is hard. Without some kind of substance to the personality, I get bored. I’m also very simply a nice person. I don’t have a temper or anger management problem. I’m not spoiled, so I don’t flip out when things don’t go my way. I’m not possessive or demanding or overly critical. Most of my female friends have these qualities, and it makes me feel happy to be single. If I had to date women like that (and I have already) I’d be a miserable person (as I have been before when I’ve dated women like that). It’s rare to meet a woman who’s just chill, down to earth, considerate, and easy going. Most of my male friends are recently married dudes, and they love their wives, but I can tell they’re not all the way happy with them because they compromised in some way. I’m still single because I refuse to compromise and settle.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

In addition to what I answered above, I think the main challenge is finding a woman who isn’t jaded about men overall. I’m a black male who occasionally posts ads online specifically for black woman. But I’ll get so many responses from level headed, intelligent, compassionate white women who aren’t jaded about what they perceive to be a decent man; it leaves me feeling like no matter how honestly I present myself, so many women have been burned by so many boys appearing to be men, that most (not all) but most women of my choice and preference can no longer recognize a good man when he’s right in front of them. I’ve been the “male friend” in the lives of woman who continually choose the wrong men over and over again, and never seem to put it together that a guy like me would respect them, engage them in the mind and in the heart in ways these other idiots can’t or don’t. But somehow, it never translates. Not saying they should be interested in me personally, but at least a guy “like” me would do them some good. That’s frustrating. It’s also frustrating to have all this strong character, multi-talents, gifts, smarts, good heart, yet still be judged on material standards.

It’s also all the more frustrating to meet self absorbed types who are so interested in themselves, that they aren’t really interesting at all. Just the other day I had lunch with a female friend who I thought I might have an interest in, and listening to her mentality, logic and worldview about events in her life? Made me realize how boring she is. She’s not a good listener, and only wanted to make her points while not really ‘hearing’ what I had to say to her. Thank goodness I’m a good conversationalist enough to have changed the topics several times to keep it flowing. Sometimes women are interested in me for what I have going on while they have nothing to offer. That’s not fair. Here I am taking time to develop myself and grow, but I’m supposed to just settle for someone with a stagnate personality? If you have high expectations? I can have them too.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

Not really. I feel it’s a disadvantage, because that’s just how many more woman I have to meet in order to finally get to the one who I feel is my true peer or match.

I’m a self motivated, self directed man who doesn’t follow the herd. Just because there are so many women to pick from doesn’t mean these choices are quality choices. These days, there’s more substance than style. Although, it would be nice to finally have a balance of both style and substance in one woman. I’m a one woman man.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m going to have to change this up. I’ve met a decent number of woman online by putting up ads that are honest and straightforward about what kind of person I am. I’ve met woman through my female friends, but those female friends end up getting jealous because they secretly like me but also don’t want to me know they like me. I never approach women when I’m hanging out in some club or party because I think it’s lost cause. Most guys are really corny or are players so women just don’t naturally trust getting approached from guys in public. So I just don’t bother with that. But lately, I think I’m going to have to join some classes or take some workshops around subjects that are interesting to me or around things I value with the idea of possibly meeting a woman who shares similar values and interests. It’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.


Anonymous said...

Great Post. It helps to get into the heads of some men these days and interesting to find that some men find us to be a bit jaded. I guess my expectations are high, because I personally hold the standard up to myself as well. It's hard to defer from that.

Product Junkie Diva said...

Wow so his friends got married but they are not totally happy? I would think that means they compromised on somthing huge...that's never good.
Product Junkie Diva

Don said...

This was a great interview and even realer answers. I think this dude has his head on straight. No question it will remain that way, especially if he's able to realize his line of thought with a woman similar in substance.

Is there any way we can set him and b more bap life up, on a all expense paid date... *serious*

Just_Wondering said...

@ B_more
I thought this interview was also quite interesting to say the least. It's hard not to set the bar up high because we would like to connect with someone who will mesh well with what we have to offer. These interviews are great just because we get to see how men view women. The insight is awesome! Thanks so much for reading! There's more to come! So swing by and check up on what other men have to say.

@Product J Diva
I was taken aback when I saw what he wrote about his married friends. But then again who am I to be surprised because people often get married with the wrong intentions or knowing that they can get out of the "deal" if it doesn't work out. It sucks because it's obvious that they compromised on something...

I also thought his answers where real and he seemed to really think about the questions! If b more bap is interested I have the brotha's email address! lol Maybe it would make for a love connection! lol

Thanks for reading everyone!

Product Junkie Diva said...

lol look at you and Don making love connections.
Product Junkie Diva