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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Those Words Hurt So Much

Oh my Goodness…..I said something I shouldn’t have said. How could I have let my anger, my emotions, my pain get the best of me? Why didn’t I just take the time to think about it before the words flew out of my mouth? What do I do now? All I can think about is how she feels right now. What would it be like to hear those words coming out of her mouth?

Words are very powerful…They can build confidence and can also make you feel lower then you’ve ever felt. Words can stay with you and you can hear something hurtful being played in your head over and over again. Someone can trigger a distant memory by mentioning a phrase that can have your mind reeling for the entire day and can also lead to sleepless nights

I said something hurtful two weeks ago to someone that I care about. In that moment when it happened, I couldn’t contain how I was feeling. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone to say what I wanted so I opted to send it via text (something I don’t recommend but under the circumstances I really didn’t want to speak on the phone) So I typed one word after the next as I felt like I was giving birth to a ball of pain. Although I care about this dear friend of mine, I didn’t really take the time to choose my words wisely. I wanted to express one thing….but in turn I communicated something totally different. In the end, my friend was hurt.

See I didn’t know how bad it was until I took a break for a few days because I was hurting too. I prayed about getting my peace back and then thought that it would be best to meet up. When we met up and we talked about everything….Oh My….I really made my friend feel horrible…I did all that I could to fix the problem…I said sorry….I explained my actions….I wish I could take it all back….but I couldn’t.

So I went home thinking about how much my words weigh…How they would have felt if thrown in my direction from someone who I thought cared about me? I wanted to pick up the phone and say that I was sooooooo sorry…over…and over…and over again.

How do you fix the situation when you’ve said something hurtful?

Do you feel you should say sorry just once?

Do you ever try to put yourself in that person’s shoes?

What have you learned after the situation was repaired?


laughing808 said...

It is indeed hard to try to fix situation where your words in anger directly hurt someone, particularly someone close to you. I’ve said and done some things that I’m ashamed of because I was hurt and/or angry. And there’s no real solution, all you can do is explain your side to the person in hopes that understood that the words were spoken in anger and that sometimes we say things we don’t necessarily mean when we are emotional and/or angry.

I do think it’s best to apologize for your hurtful words.

Unfortunately by the time I realize what I’ve done or said it’s too late for me to put myself in their shoes.

I learned that I need to think before I say anything when I’m angry or emotional. It doesn’t always work, but I’m getting better. I’ve also learned to walk away from situation where I might say something hurtful. This past weekend, my husband said something and didn’t think anything or it, but the way I took it had me ready to blast off. But I got in my car and took a ride and weighed my words. I came back and didn’t say anything, and that gave him time to think about what he said and how I might have misunderstood what he meant and took it in another manner. While he didn’t apologize, he did offer a neutral solution. So in the end it worked out.

Anonymous said...

you said something hurtful to someone; i honestly can not see this for the world, but i guess everyone is capable of losing their cool and saying things they regret. it happens to the best of us and we have all had a moment.

i feel the best thing to do is just apologize...once...and mean it and then move on. as humans, we have the ability to sense genuineness in an apology and when that genuineness is given and is felt by the recipient, then the apology is accepted and things can start getting back to normal.

i believe that most of the time putting yourself in one's position before opening your mouth is what may keep you from saying the one thing that will hurt the other person. there has been so many times when i have wanted to just give someone a piece of my mind, but i have kept it inside, took a deep breath, and came back to them later. the worst thing you can do is speak out of anger when your emotions are at their climax...whew, that is disastrous.

just simply apologize and mean it and you will find that you will be forgiven.

Calming Corners said...

It is hard, but a humble and sincere apology goes a long way. Explain to the person how you were feeling at the time and also explain that you know how painful your words were. Hope it all works out.

PBW said...

My husband and I have said some mean things in anger.

If it's really, really hurtful. We agree to forget it and not bring it up again. And we don't.

Just_Wondering said...

@Laughing808- One thing that I learned from this situation is what you mentioned...think before saying anything when I'm angry/emotional. I've also walked away when I was really heated which really does give the other person some time to weigh out their words.

Thank you for your personal insight on the topic and your well thought out comment.

@Marcus- Yes Marcus I said something hurtful lol it doesn't happen very often but I'm not perfect. It's amazing that you mentioned how apologizing once and meaning it seems to really make a difference in some situations. However, sometimes the person is so hurt that you may have to couple your apology with actions. You actions may weigh much more then just words alone.

Thank you for your advice Marcus. I have definately taken the nessesary to mend the relationship.

@CC- Thanks for swinging by and telling me the best advice... I'm certainly on my way to making things right by explaining my actions...It worked out.

@PBW- Wow I'm amazed that the issue doesn't come up again. So when you forget, have you coupled that with forgiveness?