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Monday, November 24, 2008

Measure of a Man Part 3

So I finally bring to you Part 3 of the Measure of a Man series. To do a litte recap Measure of a Man (MoM) Part 1 covered the idea of whether or not women's standards were too high or too low. In MoM Part 2, I asked everyone where does a man fit into an "independent woman's" life? I also asked the males what role they think they play in a woman's life.

As I received a lot of responses from females, I wanted to find out more about the male's perspective. So I interviewed 3 men within my social circle and posed the same questions I asked everyone to respond to. Below you will find their responses.I also asked about their role as a spiritual leader of the household as they all are Christians.

*Special Thanks To These Gentlemen For Allowing Me To Post Their Responses Thanks So Very Much For Being Open and Honest!!*

So please take some time to read and tell me your thoughts about:

Mr. Realistic, Mr. Average Joe, Mr. Ambitious

I think that most independent woman have set their standards too high. They fail to aim for realistic expectations. I say this because I feel that although they want this charming, sexy, articulate man with a job, along with all these other great qualities, in the end they don’t in fact posses a lot of those same qualities. Simply put, I think that the things on her list needs to be things she possesses. If she has any shortcomings, than he is allowed to have them as well. For example, if a “white collar” woman dates a “blue collar” man, she has to remember that this is the man she chose to be with. If he desires to get to that “white collar” status, it must be on his on accord not because of the pressures from a nagging wife/girlfriend. I feel like that woman is only trying to satisfy her own selfish ambitions. Some woman always seem to want more…..they aren’t satisfied with what they have because they have climbed up the success ladder.

Some of the things that I feel I can offer to an independent woman include spirituality, my education, someone with a job, compassion, patience, laughter, and another perspective to life and it challenges. What a man can offer is dependent on what he actually has within himself. You can’t give what you do not posses. What I have to offer also depends on the woman’s moral compass.

I understand my role as a spiritual leader mostly in theory as I have little to no practice with the knowledge that I have acquired. My theories need to be put into practice in order for me to become a valuable candidate for my prospective mate. I feel that being the head of the household encompasses spiritual, social, and economical aspects. Most men focus on the monetary aspect of providing however, God wants the man to be mindful of his spiritual life along with his family then the other necessities will be fulfilled. The real question that most men should ask themselves is, “What role does God play in your life and does God have an active influence on the decisions you make ?"

I don’t think it’s a question of standards being too high or too low…..I think that people (Christians) are moving away from God and are putting what they see in the world above what God thinks they actually deserve. Sometimes what you think you should have is not really want you need. God knows what you need, so He will give you what you deserve.

I understand my role as head of the household and I know that it does not only have the main focus on providing financially. If you look at the definition of the word “provide” it in fact includes financial, spiritual, emotional, and much more. I think that a lot of people hear the word “provide” and think it only on a financial level.

I feel that I can offer the independent woman confidence by presenting myself as someone who can communicate and make great conversation. I feel that I can appeal to a woman by finding ways to make her smile, make her happy, it’s all in how you treat the woman that you’re with. I think a woman can appreciate the things that you do by treating her well. There are things men can offer that does not necessarily require large amounts of money. A lot of men feel if they don’t have a lot of money in their pockets, they can’t appeal to the independent woman. They let their egos get in the way, or they set their motives on taking from that woman. Not a lot of men have the confidence in approaching these types of woman because woman’s standards are high, or they’ve heard the same ole game from way too many men and don’t think they will be successful.

I feel that women who are very successful, making more money and is with men who are not of equal measure, may eventually feel that their he’s not man enough to rise to her level. For example, a friend of mine was dating a guy and they were living together. He was a hard worker and did everything he could financially and emotionally to support his girl while she got her degree in nursing. Once she got her degree she left the guy and when I asked her why, she said “Because he was not doing anything!” It was as if her level of education brought her to a higher level and now she had forgotten all the things he had done for her along the way. I think that a lot people rush into relationships never discussing what they expect from each other. This causes problems within the relationship later on. If you talk about what you want and what you expect from each other, chances are you’ll be able to avoid making a lot of mistakes.

My role as a man in an independent woman’s world does not change even though she’s “an independent woman.” As a man I have a certain responsibility to provide, protect and be the spiritual leader. What I have to offer doesn’t take away from a woman and I would certainly consult with her in order to make decisions. She too has a role to fulfill within the household. I learned my role as the spiritual leader from things that I was taught growing up, and reading the bible.

I feel like you can’t set your standards too high but you have to be realistic. I think that everyone should shoot for someone at their level or a bit higher so that person can bring you up to theirs. Being realistic means that I’m not trying to go for Beyonce but someone who is on my level. I feel that women who have a long list of items they want should break it down to having five top things that they absolutely must have in a potential mate. Instead of looking at the little things that the guy has to have, you should focus on the big picture. So if you meet a man and he fulfills those top 5 things, you should get to know him better so that you can find out if there are other things you like fall into place. By doing that you’re not by passing someone who may be a good match for you. Especially if you’re looking at all these little things. If the guy doesn’t meet up to your top five must haves then keep it moving.

I feel that money plays a role in relationships as many marriages breakup because of financial difficulties. So it’s better to be on the same level, therefore if a man is working and he’s making good money he can afford to not think about every penny being spent. Some women have that same level of comfort. She doesn’t have to worry if she has enough to go out for dinner, or to book a vacation because she has the money. So those two people would have the similar views about money.

Being in the profession that I am people can figure out how much money you make in addition to the fact that you own property. I don’t usually tell woman about how much money I make or about the company I run because that’s my business. Although one woman was very crafty in asking some indirect yet direct questions regarding my finances (e.g. what interest rate did you get for your mortgage, what’s your credit score) I tend to not bring up the topic of money during conversations. I’m always leery of new people and that’s why I would prefer to date someone who knew when I didn’t have everything I have now. Although that’s not always possible. If I meet someone new I keep all finaincial information to myself until things get a lot more serious.

I lead a very busy life and have a full schedule because I have a regular job and I have my own company. I don’t have much time during the weekdays and I need a woman who understands that. I want a woman who is independent and ambitious because I’m ambitious also. The woman that I’d want in my life can’t be needy. She can’t be the type of woman that requires that I give her lots of attention, wanting to spend hours conversing on the phone and quality time together has to work around my schedule. I can’t fathom sitting and watching tv together for hours when I know I could use that time to return emails, phone calls, do chores around the house and yard. My girl can certainly come over and chill at my crib but she has to know that I’ll be doing other things.
So what did you learn from reading their thoughts? Did anything surprise you?
Their Stats:
Mr. Average Joe: African American, 28yrs old, some college
Mr. Realistic: African American, 29yrs old, Bachelors Degree
Mr. Ambitious: African American, 31yrs old, Bachelors & Masters Degree


Mrs.Young_fashion said...

Very insightful as to what guys are thinking, grown mature guys.
Honesty from the men speaks volumes.
I agree mostly with Mr. Realistic

Product Junkie Diva said...

I agree that if a person has shortcomings the individual can not expect the other person to be perfect. It really is about picking the right person and having realistic expectations.

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