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Sunday, August 3, 2008

Are You Getting Yourself Prepared..?

….Hey….it’s meI was thinkingOh I’m sorryHere’s an invitation to what I’ve been wondering about lately……Welcome to my thoughts…..I was looking back at my life and to be quite honest I’ve been blessed…I have accomplished most of what I wanted at stage in my life. I got an education; I have a career that I love, and a great place to work... I’m healthy, my family is with me and I have friends…

I was thinking about how I got it all… What did I do….for the most part I realized that I prayed and then got myself prepared for each step I took. When I finished HS I knew I wanted to go to college so I got prepared and made a list of schools I wanted then applied. When I went to class, I learned the material and went home to go back over everything so that I’d be prepared for the exams. I got myself ready, I studied, I researched what I didn’t really know or understand.. right….Well lets keep going…I promise you that I’m getting somewhere with this……I knew I wanted to buy a car someday but first I needed to drive!! I needed to get ready to get on the road before I could officially call myself a driver….I take continuing education courses to make sure that I’m on top of my game to better serve my clients…I start looking up all the information I need in order to invest my money so I could get ready for retirement…

The more I thought about it…the more I realized that I did something to prepare myself for the unknown…for college…for those exams…for that road test...for my monetary investments…. So then I started to wonder…I wondered about the other things I’d like to see happen in my future…marriage…kids…however I began to realize when it comes to something as big as marriage that people aren’t getting themselves prepared….Something that will affect the rest of your life…Something so complicated as falling in love…. Now I used the word complicated because it’s just that…Love and developing a relationship is hard work….Marriage is about two people becoming one…Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to take a course on marriage before you jumped the broom. I know you can’t know everything…but maybe just maybe you could do some research, speak to a few married or divorce couples just to get some insight about the idea of happily ever after (if that is even at all possible cause living in today’s age is no fairytale)

How amazing would it be to know what pitfalls to avoid before you get to them before you get married? How to resolve issues? How to communicate your feelings? Isn’t it ironic that people get themselves prepared in one way or another for a lot of things in life but they don’t get prepared or try to figure out what it would take to have a successful marriage….?

If marriage is on your to do list, is there really anyway to get yourself prepared (and I’m not talking about when you are engaged already…way before that?)

So I ask you this…..

Do you feel like there is a way to get yourself prepared and if so what would you be willing to do to prepare for it? Have you done anything so far? If so what was it?

Why is it that with everything else we are ready to do the research to get ourselves prepared for the unknown…but we often walk into marriage thinking we can take a crash course at the alter…?

7 comments:

Amina said...

great questions....
so far, i don't want to get married nor have kids...
marriage scares the s..t out of me...
so i'll sign up for the class...lol..

i know that many of my friends are just dying to get married, to be called Madame forgetting that marriage is hard work!!
anyways, i'll stay tuned to read the comments...

Therapeutic Musings said...

I definately got myself prepared. When my mom realized my boyfriend and I were serious about each other she would have talks with me about the reality of marriage. His parent's bought us books and made us watch sermons on the role's of men and women in a healthy marriage. Once we got engaged we went through a few months of premarital counseling. That was the most helpful part. They would call us on our crap and force us to be honest with each other about everything so we would know what we are getting. Tonight after church, my fiance and I have a financial planning book one of the elders at the church gave us so we can agree on money stuff before we get married. I wrote all this to say....yes! I am so prepared :)

Calming Corners said...

What a great post!! I don't know if I am prepared for marriage honestly, but I do know that I am getting my life in the best order possible for myself.
It is interesting yesterday I met a woman about 35-36 at the market we were talking about the campaign because she was a supporter, another older woman came up and marriage was the topic, the lady told me oh you have pleanty of time, but this one (speaking to the 35-36 year old) doesn't have much time, there must be something wrong with her.
That is something that struck because why is there something wrong with a woman in late thirtys not married, but for a man it is okay. Sorry I know I went off subject a bit...

:Fashion Frenzy: said...

What a great blog! I'm not married, but would love to be one day. No rush, of course (hehe). Honestly, I think it could be a beautiful thing and I believe I'm prepared for it. :)

gio said...

This is a great question. I'm not married yet, but would love to get married one day. I think you just need to realise that married is a seious commitment and be preparared to work on your relationship every day.

The Frugalista Files said...

I'm not married yet, but I'm taking this time to study seemingly successful marriages and to think about what I want. I keep hearing that a marriage is something that you work on everyday.

Just_Wondering said...

@Amina Since marriage scares you I'd say you're a smart woman cause you'd take the class! Why not find out what's to come before it happens. Most people are running to the alter and have no idea what marriage is all about. Thanks for reading! You're always the first person to post lol

@Therapeutic Musings I have to give you a lot of credit! You, your fiancé and family took the situation seriously and gave you two a good start to educating you on marriage. Now that's what I call preparation! It seems that you two can tell a few people a thing or two about the process. I wish you the best on your wedding and marriage! Thanks so much for your insight!

@CC Girl I think everyone should be doing as you are "getting your life in order" If you don't have that going you can't get a marriage past the alter! Your story about the 35yr old woman is not surprising because society dictates that women are to marry within their 20s and after that you're officially a lost cause in terms of finding love lol However, this generation is much different and women are more focused on their careers and putting marriage on hold. That in addition to the lack of black men to choose from ( check out article on Independent Black Women http://www.mybrotha.com/womans-independence.asp and the divorce rate that may be running people off to achieving other goals on their to do list. But I think in time marriage in the 20s will become a thing of the past....30s-40s maybe??? Who knows!

@ Fashion Thanks for visiting! I hope you take your time and find the right person for you! Being prepared is better then walking down the aisle clueless lol

@Gio Welcome and thanks for reading! I think people tend to forget that marriage is something that takes a lot of work! You always have to be putting your all into a relationship where you're moving in with someone you never lived with. The concept of "Two shall become One" is pretty intense. It's about sharing and merging two lives together...

@FF You know it's very hard to find successful married people but whenever I encounter them I find myself asking them a lot of questions about how their marriage works. Their advice is golden!

As for me marriage is on my to do list and I'm in NO RUSH no matter how old and gray I get! No one is running me down that aisle unless I feel good and ready. As TM mentioned I've taken a course on Marriage and Family at my church which has led me to reading about in inner workings of Men, Women, and marriage. I realized that I should make an effort to educate myself as I have in other areas of my life.

Thanks so very much for all your comments. I really do appreciate them as my time is limited each week to respond but I'm always delighted to hear what you have to say.