After giving everyone a chance to share their thoughts on the topic of internet dating, I thought it would be a great idea to give those of you who have never tried it (including me lol) some insight on what the process is really like. So as Part 2 of the Internet dating series, I wanted to get a female's perspective on the topic. Ladies and gentleman I introduce you to Liza Rojas!
Liza is a 30 year old
L: “I can't really remember exactly how many men I have dated. I would say 10-12 people within the last 5 years. I am not a serial dater type of girl lol. On my first date...I was actually really excited and nervous to meet him. I felt this way because we had good chemistry on-line and he sounded really romantic and sweet. I felt nervous because it was only natural to feel that way. I always feel slightly nervous on first dates. The only thing I was concerned about was the visibility of his picture on-line. I couldn't see what he looked like because his picture was somewhat fuzzy. Despite my concerns, I decided to meet him. When I finally arrived, I saw him on the corner waiting for me. We introduced ourselves and walk into the cafe together. After about 20 minutes, my feelings of nervousness disappeared. The date went well. We spoke for 2-3 hours. He was very polite and respectful. However, I did not feel enough chemistry to have a second date.”
JW: “What are some of the essential aspects of someone's profile that you look out for and why?”
L: “Looking for profiles of potential interest is extremely important to me. I would say this is the most tedious part of internet dating. That's of course..if you are serious about meeting a significant other or a husband. Of course, I have to be attracted to the person. That doesn't mean I'm looking for the next Brad Pitt. What am I saying is...I have to be attracted to him both intellectually and physically. If I had to choose between the two...I looked for someone with great intellect. When looking for a profile...I focus on the written portion. Based on that, I am able to answer these questions for myself: "Is he educated? Can he express his wants and needs in a relationship? Does he appear sincere and caring? Does he have a good relationship with family and friends? Does he appear bitter and fed up with relationships? Is he self absorbed? Is he looking for a good time in the bedroom?""I ask myself these questions because it determines whether I will be compatible with him. It also helps me to know if the person is caring, sensitive to my needs, actively listens consistently, responsible, goal-oriented, and has good communication skills and is capable of having meaningful relationships with people, and actually wants to find the love of his life. By having these qualities I can feel confident that he will be there to pick me up on my 2 feet during the tough times. When I find that great profile...I do not hesitate to initiate conversation. I jump on it quickly!! What do you have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is he never responds back. OH well....don't let that phase you! Keep positive and move it along!!”
JW: What are some of the challenges that you face during the entire process?"
L: "Internet dating is very time consuming. In the beginning it was really fun. I was constantly on-line talking with 2-3 different people at a time. I was online searching the net and talking on the phone 20 hours a week. It really felt like a 2nd job. As I entered graduate school, the hours online and on the phone were significantly decreased making my chances of meeting someone very slim! Other challenges I faced were with the actual people I was dating. At that time I was in my late 20s. I met people who did not represent themselves as they did online and on the phone. They wanted to hit the sheets very quickly on the actual first date. So, you really have to smell this behavior coming and remove yourself from the date quickly. "
"Another challenge I faced was finding great chemistry with people....that connection filled with lots of energy. The third challenge was deciding whether I should date someone who has been married with children. As I get older I am finding that more people have children from previous marriages. Do I really want to deal with baby mamma drama?? I feel like I have no choice. The divorce rate is 50% in United States. I may make an exception depending on the circumstance. I haven't come to a decision on that yet. Honestly, whether I am dating online or going to the bars to meet someone....the challenges are the same. The only difference is your saving money on cocktails and entrance fees for the bar and clubs."
JW: "How long did your relationships last?"
L: "In my own experience, my relationships have not lasted very long. The longest relationship was 4 months."JW: "Do you feel that everyone should give it a try and if so what advice would you give to a 1st timer?"
Yes, I feel everyone should give internet dating a try. Each experience is different. I know some people may feel apprehensive about it. I totally understand. I was in their shoes once before. Do some research, talk with other people who have been on-line dating for a few years and get their perspective on the topic. I think people should keep their options open. In this day and age, it is quite normal to use internet dating services to meet people. To help myself adjust to the World of Internet Dating, I signed on with a friend. When I went on dates, I always chose a close location to meet and I gave my friends the address of where I was going. I also gave my password and user ID to my family and friends.
I had the dates early in the day and kept it very short (2-3 hours tops!). I truly believe that it no different from meeting the guy or girl in the club and him/her asking to hang out the next week. You barely know the guy or girl. He is probably drunk anyway and can't even remember your name the next day lol. At least online....you can read what they are all about and what their intentions are when finding a potential candidate to date. If you are not comfortable with it just yet....try other alternatives. For example, taking dance classes, exercise classes and asking friends to put out the word out that you want to meet new people. Maybe they can arrange a blind date. Eventually, maybe one day you will get the courage to get-online to date.
JW: “If you've been internet dating for more then 5yrs how has it changed, if at all, over time?”L: “The only change I have seen is more people are open to talking about their own experiences with internet dating. I find that people my age like those at work or I heard through other friends, are currently doing the online dating or have at least tried it. I also see more commercials and advertisements. It appears to be becoming the norm to find someone of interest online. In the past it used to be more of secret. It was something that a person would do on the down low.”
JW: "Lastly, any funny stories you would like to share about internet dating?"
L: "I met this guy who was a dectective I was really attracted to him, he seemed very sincere, and genuine. He had a daughter (as you already know I wasn't really up for dating someone with children) however, he seemed to have a really good relationship with her and I thought I'd give it a shot. We went out two times and he seemed interested in me but he didn't call me for a week and a half. When I was ready to write him off lol, he finally called and I decided to go out with him again. We had a nice time talking and getting to know more about each other. But then after that 3rd date he didn't call me back. I didn't get disappointed because you're not met to make a connection with everyone you meet otherwise dating wouldn't exist LOL."
"So after some time another attractive guy contacted me and I found out he was a detective who also seemed very sincere and great to talk to! He also had a child and commented that he frequently goes to visit his child in the same location as the 1st detective. I was surprised and I started to find a connection between two men because their stories sounded very similar."
"THEN homeboy tells me he has a brother! I threw 3 questions his way to find out if the two were related and I found out that they were faternal TWINS!!! I told him that I dated his brother and that it didn't work out. I didn't feel comfortable going out on a date with him even though he expressed interest after finding out I went out with his brother! GO FIGURE! ANND HE WAS SUCH A CUTIE!!"
Was there anything you found to be interesting about the information she provided?
Do you have any more questions you'd like to ask her?