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Sunday, July 13, 2008

A Female's Perspective on Internet Dating

After giving everyone a chance to share their thoughts on the topic of internet dating, I thought it would be a great idea to give those of you who have never tried it (including me lol) some insight on what the process is really like. So as Part 2 of the Internet dating series, I wanted to get a female's perspective on the topic. Ladies and gentleman I introduce you to Liza Rojas!

Liza is a 30 year old Latina residing in New York City. She is special education teacher who was also gracious enough to share her experience on Internet Dating. Let's tune into what she has to say--->

JW: “How many men have you met in person and how did you feel during your first date ever?”

L: I can't really remember exactly how many men I have dated. I would say 10-12 people within the last 5 years. I am not a serial dater type of girl lol. On my first date...I was actually really excited and nervous to meet him. I felt this way because we had good chemistry on-line and he sounded really romantic and sweet. I felt nervous because it was only natural to feel that way. I always feel slightly nervous on first dates. The only thing I was concerned about was the visibility of his picture on-line. I couldn't see what he looked like because his picture was somewhat fuzzy. Despite my concerns, I decided to meet him. When I finally arrived, I saw him on the corner waiting for me. We introduced ourselves and walk into the cafe together. After about 20 minutes, my feelings of nervousness disappeared. The date went well. We spoke for 2-3 hours. He was very polite and respectful. However, I did not feel enough chemistry to have a second date.”

JW: “What are some of the essential aspects of someone's profile that you look out for and why?”

L: “Looking for profiles of potential interest is extremely important to me. I would say this is the most tedious part of internet dating. That's of course..if you are serious about meeting a significant other or a husband. Of course, I have to be attracted to the person. That doesn't mean I'm looking for the next Brad Pitt. What am I saying is...I have to be attracted to him both intellectually and physically. If I had to choose between the two...I looked for someone with great intellect. When looking for a profile...I focus on the written portion. Based on that, I am able to answer these questions for myself: "Is he educated? Can he express his wants and needs in a relationship? Does he appear sincere and caring? Does he have a good relationship with family and friends? Does he appear bitter and fed up with relationships? Is he self absorbed? Is he looking for a good time in the bedroom?"

"I ask myself these questions because it determines whether I will be compatible with him. It also helps me to know if the person is caring, sensitive to my needs, actively listens consistently, responsible, goal-oriented, and has good communication skills and is capable of having meaningful relationships with people, and actually wants to find the love of his life. By having these qualities I can feel confident that he will be there to pick me up on my 2 feet during the tough times. When I find that great profile...I do not hesitate to initiate conversation. I jump on it quickly!! What do you have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is he never responds back. OH well....don't let that phase you! Keep positive and move it along!!”

JW: What are some of the challenges that you face during the entire process?"

L: "Internet dating is very time consuming. In the beginning it was really fun. I was constantly on-line talking with 2-3 different people at a time. I was online searching the net and talking on the phone 20 hours a week. It really felt like a 2nd job. As I entered graduate school, the hours online and on the phone were significantly decreased making my chances of meeting someone very slim! Other challenges I faced were with the actual people I was dating. At that time I was in my late 20s. I met people who did not represent themselves as they did online and on the phone. They wanted to hit the sheets very quickly on the actual first date. So, you really have to smell this behavior coming and remove yourself from the date quickly. "

"Another challenge I faced was finding great chemistry with people....that connection filled with lots of energy. The third challenge was deciding whether I should date someone who has been married with children. As I get older I am finding that more people have children from previous marriages. Do I really want to deal with baby mamma drama?? I feel like I have no choice. The divorce rate is 50% in United States. I may make an exception depending on the circumstance. I haven't come to a decision on that yet. Honestly, whether I am dating online or going to the bars to meet someone....the challenges are the same. The only difference is your saving money on cocktails and entrance fees for the bar and clubs.

JW: "How long did your relationships last?"

L: "In my own experience, my relationships have not lasted very long. The longest relationship was 4 months."

JW: "Do you feel that everyone should give it a try and if so what advice would you give to a 1st timer?"

Yes, I feel everyone should give internet dating a try. Each experience is different. I know some people may feel apprehensive about it. I totally understand. I was in their shoes once before. Do some research, talk with other people who have been on-line dating for a few years and get their perspective on the topic. I think people should keep their options open. In this day and age, it is quite normal to use internet dating services to meet people. To help myself adjust to the World of Internet Dating, I signed on with a friend. When I went on dates, I always chose a close location to meet and I gave my friends the address of where I was going. I also gave my password and user ID to my family and friends.

I had the dates early in the day and kept it very short (2-3 hours tops!). I truly believe that it no different from meeting the guy or girl in the club and him/her asking to hang out the next week. You barely know the guy or girl. He is probably drunk anyway and can't even remember your name the next day lol. At least can read what they are all about and what their intentions are when finding a potential candidate to date. If you are not comfortable with it just yet....try other alternatives. For example, taking dance classes, exercise classes and asking friends to put out the word out that you want to meet new people. Maybe they can arrange a blind date. Eventually, maybe one day you will get the courage to get-online to date.

JW: “If you've been internet dating for more then 5yrs how has it changed, if at all, over time?”

L: “The only change I have seen is more people are open to talking about their own experiences with internet dating. I find that people my age like those at work or I heard through other friends, are currently doing the online dating or have at least tried it. I also see more commercials and advertisements. It appears to be becoming the norm to find someone of interest online. In the past it used to be more of secret. It was something that a person would do on the down low.”

"Lastly, any funny stories you would like to share about internet dating?"

L: "I met this guy who was a dectective I was really attracted to him, he seemed very sincere, and genuine. He had a daughter (as you already know I wasn't really up for dating someone with children) however, he seemed to have a really good relationship with her and I thought I'd give it a shot. We went out two times and he seemed interested in me but he didn't call me for a week and a half. When I was ready to write him off lol, he finally called and I decided to go out with him again. We had a nice time talking and getting to know more about each other. But then after that 3rd date he didn't call me back. I didn't get disappointed because you're not met to make a connection with everyone you meet otherwise dating wouldn't exist LOL."

"So after some time another attractive guy contacted me and I found out he was a detective who also seemed very sincere and great to talk to! He also had a child and commented that he frequently goes to visit his child in the same location as the 1st detective. I was surprised and I started to find a connection between two men because their stories sounded very similar."

"THEN homeboy tells me he has a brother! I threw 3 questions his way to find out if the two were related and I found out that they were faternal TWINS!!! I told him that I dated his brother and that it didn't work out. I didn't feel comfortable going out on a date with him even though he expressed interest after finding out I went out with his brother! GO FIGURE! ANND HE WAS SUCH A CUTIE!!"

I would like to give a special thanks to Liza for sharing her personal experience with us!

What type of impression has Liza left on how you feel about internet dating??

Was there anything you found to be interesting about the information she provided?

Do you have any more questions you'd like to ask her?

Please read the following post for "A Male's Perspective On Internet Dating"


Amina said...

great interview. you did well to interview both perspectives.
I had the same reaction when I read Marcus, the interview comment...

but overall, these 3 posts do show that internet dating is a great option....

now if only i could follow my own entries girl :)

Mimi Lenox said...

Internet dating is crazy! I have heard of people meeting the right person but those stories are few and far between. Good luck!

Alice said...

Online dating is fun. We could meet new friends and expand your social circle.

Anonymous said...

I could definitely relate to a lot of what Liza had to say. I do feel that one can find a true, meaningful, lasting partner online, though.

I like these interviews you have here.

Just_Wondering said...

The interviews were very insightful! I'm so happy that everyone is reading what Liza and Marcus have to say.

Liza will be commenting and answering your questions so please ask AWAY! lol

Liza said...

It was my pleasure doing this interview. Believe me... internet dating looks slightly frieghtening at first. It's just a matter of conversing with the person on a consistent basis until you feel your ready to take it to the telephone. As time goes can make a decision on whether or not you would like to meet this person in the flesh. You can take this internet dating thing at a slow pace. Remember, you dont have to meet everyone you converse with through email. Yes, at times internet dating does feel like a informal interview. I still feel it's the same difference when you meet the person on the street or at the bar. It's just a part of the dating process when getting to know each other.

Internet dating is not for everybody. It's what you're most comfortable doing when finding a potential person to date.

C'mon Alice...give it a try! Internet dating is what you make of it!

Just_Wondering said...

By the way Liza responded to one last question about a funny experience she had! So please go back and read lol

Liza said...

Yes can actually happen...finding that great love. My cousin's very good friend met someone online a few years back. They have been married for 6 years. This past year they had their first child together. When I first met them, I would have never thought they met online. It seemed as if they met through mutual friends. They have really nice chemistry together.

PBW said...

I love both interviews. Thanks for giving both perspectives.

I dunno? I still think I'd be too chicken to try it.

Psyche said...

This was a great read!

The interview took me back to my days of internet dating (I did it for two years). I actually met my partner of three years online. We are both professors and still lie about how we met. Lol. Why folks still ask I don't know.

The Frugalista Files said...

I enjoyed reading both perspectives. I think internet dating is good to get your numbers up. Nightclub online.

Product Junkie Diva said...

Great interview and post girlllll!
It was great to read her experience. thanks for keeping me in the loop.
Product Junkie DIva

Calming Corners said...

What a great interview, it is interesting to read both perspectives.

vanessa m said...

We'd love to get your feedback! We recently started an Online Dating Forum and would be interested in hearing about your experiences.

Please feel free to share your any internet dating services you are using - or may have used in the past. Hopefully, your feedback will help others choose the right dating services and help them avoid mistakes when it comes to online dating.

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