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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

How to Navigate Through Changes

Life is hard….Ok wait lemme say that again if you missed it the first time because that statement is so true Life Is Hard! I remember being a little kid and asking my mom to buy me a candy bar and she told me that she didn’t have the money (she did though LOL) and I made a promise… I said “When I grow up, I’m going to buy a snikers bar everyday lol I thought “Hey when I get older I’ll have dollar bills that would flow out of my pockets so I could buy whatever I wanted.” Well I was in for a surprise when I finally grew up and I learned about bills, budgeting, and spending. That’s just the tip of the iceberg because on top of that you have to start building your career, dating, forging relationships with people, or distancing yourselves from people you don’t like anymore. You start to notice things about yourself and you make Changes! Life is about Change! The person you were in the past, is not who you are today? You’ve grown, and have been through many challenges. Maybe you’re happy with your current life or just down right mad and bitter. Whatever the case may be, we all go through different types of changes that we have to deal with.

So picture this….You’re married, in a serious relationship or you’ve created a great bond with a friend. For the past few months, weeks, or maybe days you notice something different about the person. Sometimes it’s subtle changes like your phone call hasn’t been returned, you noticed that your conversations just don’t flow quite as easily, maybe the person stop doing something that they use to love, or they’re working way to hard and not leaving room for hanging out. We expect change when something huge happens like having a baby/relocating but what about the little changes that may cause your relationship to go in another direction….it hasn’t gotten bad YET but your Intuition is telling you something is not right…..and your thoughts start to flow like this à “She seems preoccupied at dinner I wonder if something happened earlier today..” “Wow, he passed on an opportunity to hang out tonight with his friends….” “I know he cares about me, but that kiss he just gave me was off…” “My best friend told her co-worker that her mom was sick and I didn’t find out until a week later”

What do you do when life changes start to penetrate you’re relationships?

Do you ask questions and investigate immediately? Or do you wait to gather more information? Maybe you just don’t know how to address the situation or the person who’s changing doesn’t realize it’s affecting the relationship.

What’s your 1st course of action in order to navigate through changes?


Anonymous said...

Wow what a hard topic to think about. My 18 year old daughter just (less than an hour ago) stated that she wished to be back in high school! She laughed out loud about some of her "crazy" friends. She noted the change from high school to college.
I tend to resist change at every turn so when my relationships move into a "change mode" I freak out. I was close to a person who was a Jehovah's Witness. Our religious differences never hindered our relationship...or so I thought. She was single when we met and we did the shopping /chit chatting thing. Last summer she got married. We have spoken ONCE and it was the strangest most distant converstaion I have ever experienced. I guess I feel that people choose to move away for what ever reason and I try not to take it personally. Did her husband request the distance? Did she feel that we were not evenly yoked as friends?? Many questions entered my mind. I gotta be who God intended me to be. Change,good, bad, or indifferent,is necessary for us to grow as people. I am rambling but do you "feel me"???? I don't like but I gotta deal with it!

Product Junkie Diva said...

agaiddwI would watch the person a little and then I would certainly address the changes that I have noticed. If the changes are having an impact on the relationship then it needs to be addressed. I would not be argumentative, I would listen and ask the person first if there is anything they want to share. If they do great, if they say no then i will express what I am feeling and ask for feedback. Hopefully that would work.
That is what I would do if the relationship had meaning to me.
Product Junkie Diva

nywele said...

Great entry! My first reaction is not to say anything because i don't want to sound off whiny.Many of my relationships have changed especially with my friends who are now married and have children.

At the beginning, I used to address the issue but then I got the "you can't understand you're not married " comment so I let it go...

I had to learn the hard way that a relationship goes both ways. If the person is not willing to also put efforts, why should I?
it is very hard...

-::brown sugar::- said...

CHANGE is a must! I completely agree with you! You have to change to move forward...that's my personal opinion...

thanks for stopping by my blog. and to answer your question: NY is just beautiful. And this may sound corny, but I feel as if I belong when I'm there. As if, I've been there for years. I don't know it. I just fell in love with it and I can't forget about it ^_^

Calming Corners said...

First thing I do is try to accept the change and try to find the positive. I have this thing with karma so I look to see what my actions may have or have not done to create change. Then I start my plan of action. But I am always sure to tahnk GOd for the blessings and look for the lesson he is teaching me. That is it in a nutshell. But I could write for days about this.

Great blog btw! Keep up the great work!

girlatastartup said...

Great post. I used to fight against change, but then life experiences and listening to a lot of Oprah (haha) made me realize you have to merge with the ups and downs of life. It's all about your attitude and how you deal with situations. You gotta keep reminding yourself of this.