So I’m sure you all noticed that the “Measure of a Man” post below happens to be Part 1 and there has to be a Part 2. To be honest I didn’t know what that would be until today. I wanted to get everyone’s responses, then ponder on what the next part would be so check it out. As I go through my life, I often wonder how much of what I want is really what I want. Are these desires stemming from within me or is society, my culture, my parents, or my religion pushing me into things I’d want for my life. I’m a spiritual person and I talk to God about everything. I wonder what He wants me to do with my life, how He’d like me to live it, how I affect the people around me, and most importantly I just want a relationship with Him so that He can work through me so that way He gets all the credit. But this journey of mine with God is a process and things are revealed to me one step at a time. So for me I want to make sure that me and God are on the same page.
So let me get to the point... lol After reading everyone’s comment, I wondered about what role men really play in a woman’s life these days. I mean, I’m one of four girls and my Dad raised us to be independent and focused on reaching our goals. Where does a man fit into this entire idea of I’m “independent…I don’t need anyone to help me…I can get the house the car all on my own and a career going....thank you very much!” Not to say that we should be depending on a man for any material things. I'm not talking to superficial woman right now. I'm talking to those who have reached or is working towards reaching all their career goals, maybe the material things that you know you want etc....
Where does a man fit in?? Let me be the Male species’ advocate and ask the ladies:
What role would you want a man to play in your life?
Forget about your list of expectations and standards for one second…
Tell me why you feel the desire to have a man in your life?? Not that I’m saying that you NEED one lol But why is it a desire of yours to have someone in your life and where did that desire come from? Be honest now!
As for those Men out there don’t think I’m leaving you out. I want you to answer this question:
What role do you think you play in a woman’s life?
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this!
7 comments:
Without getting into too much detail, I want a man to play all the traditional roles - provider, protector, father, lover, friend, etc.
From my twenties thru my early thirties I lived by the "I don't need a man" cliché. Well...now that I'm 37 that whole thought process is a crock of ish to me. It's neither realistic nor the truth in most cases. Sure, it sounds like you're being independent and self-empowering but the truth is you're limiting yourself. Limiting true love because you're not allowing your heart to be exposed outside of self-defined boundaries. Not to mention, my desire for companionship with the possibility of more.
Frankly, I’m at the point in my life where I’m tired of holding it down on my own. I make good money, have the house, car, etc. but I’d like to know that someone else has my back if the bottom falls out. I’m ready for the next level with the man God specially designed for me. With this said, you won’t find me allowing just any man in for the sake of having one, he has to add some value. Great questions!
I'm with Curvygurl, I'm tired of holding it down. I've been in relationships since I was 16, Lord willing, I'll see my 45th Birthday next July and I've yet to experience a "true partnership". I love God and no one will come before him! However; I want a man in my life to comfort me. You know those ways in which words aren't needed. A touch, an ear, a rose, a bowl of chicken noodle soup... the little details that makes you feel loved and appreciated and protected. I use to think that if "he" would just manage his finances we would be "happier" but now I think that he truly didn't have my best interest at "heart". It was tiring surpressing my strengths and holding down the household waiting for him to "grow up". Since my divorce I've taken some much needed time to discover me and where "it" went wrong. I'm a firm believer in the breakdown of a relationship takes two. So with that being said, when God sends my Prince, I'm going to "submit" like the bible says! I'll be more than willing to hang up my crown of independence when he arrives! (smile)
GIrl you touched on so many things with this post. I was just thinking today about certain decisions I have made and wheter or not they were really my deepest desires or if I just allowed cultural factors or society to mold my thinking. Now granted the isses I had in mind were pretty trivial but my thoughts were along this path. Now like you God is the primary focus in my life and I was raised by parents who really helped me to appreciate that I would not have to rely on a man to take care of myself in life. However I don't think having that mind set (I can take care of myself) is a bad thing so when you are married it does not go away it just takes on another form. THis is what I mean- based on bible teachings yes, the man is the head of the household and I totally respect that so my indepence would not be exercised in such a way that I would try to act as the head, but I would still feel confident in making decisions and using my brain. I probably am not articulating this in the right way but I would still be independent enough to still be my own woman -some women blend into the man and no longer have their own identity...that WILL NOT BE ME. So What role would he play, yes he would be the one who takes the lead in the household in making decisions but thats not to say that I wouldnt have input certainly I would, I wouldn't marry a man who couldnt/ wouldn't appreciate my input. YEs, he would be there to listen to me and care for me etc. but I am there to do the same for him. It has to be a guy whose headship I could respect and a man who is willing and able to be whatever I need at a particular time. I know that no one is perfect and no human can be all things at all times but I want a guy who basically has it together.
I hope I got my poitn across...lol
maybe not....perhaps I will write more later..lol.
PJD
Wow that questions requires such a long answer. The hardest part of answering this question is your request of "Forget about your list of expectations and standards for one second" LOL!! OKAY...here goes... at the risk of sounding cheesy that questions reminds me of the movie "Shall We Dance". In the movie there is a scene were Susan Sarandon is sitting at a bar talking to a detective and she says "Why do people get married?" and then she goes on to answer her own question by saying "because we need a witness to our lives... there are a billions of people in on the planet but what does anyone's life really mean but in a marriage ( or RELATIONSHIP)...your promising to care about everything... the good things, the bad, the mundane things, all of it every time everyday...your saying your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it and your life will not go unwitnessed because I will witness it". In the movie they use the context of marriage to get the point across. To me this is really the reason why I feel I want a man in my life. The problem is things are not black and white ..."the list of expectations and standards" are somehow binded to me...... by who you ask?....I dunno. Is it my parents fault?, or society? (w/ those damn fairy tale books & movies lol). I dunno but something within me tells me that there is nothing wrong with wanting what I want. This so called "list of expectations and standards" has been met for many women out there (my sister, my cousins, friends, so on and so on)....so why not me?
-Vicky
My role as a man would involve a Vision for the relationship where are we going with this...I would be a support emotionally a place that is safe for her to be her, to offer compassion and understanding and support in the day to day challenges that arise. My role would be to offer companionship and shared reality and interests. My role would be to offer quality time and comfort and an encouraging voice. My role would be to find ways to help her flourish and wake up to even more of the genius place inside her.
VG
lover, fighter, provider.. and that's the short answer... I would have to really sit back and think about this... you really got some water cooler stuff going on over here girlie
Everybody loves to know that there is that special someone for them and will take them into their arms no matter what...attachment,comfort and stress-busting is what is present...
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