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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

To Wed or Not To Wed??

I'm sure most of you have heard about Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey tying the knot and although we all know that it won't last very long lol..But it got me wondering......Marriage is BIG! I mean it's a huge step to take and some people go into it knowing that if it doesn't work out they can always get divorce. I know this question will be hard to respond to because I know that every situation is different, but humor me and tell me your thoughts....

How long would you want to date before accepting/asking to get married?

How long is too long or how quick is too quick to tie the knot?

Or can you really put a time frame on these types of things?


Product Junkie Diva said...

Hey JW
Yes I can put a time frame on
I need to see him interact with is friends, family members, we need to go out and eat. How does he treat the staff at the restaurant or other service related workers? How is he with kids? How angry does he get? How does he manage his finances etc. I don't think you can get all of that information in a matter of weeks or just a few months. I would want to date for 2 years, he can propose at the end of year one and then it will take another year to plan the wedding well at least a good portion of the year to plan a wedding....thats just what I am thinking.
Too long for me would be that who 5 year things that people do, shoot even 4 years too long, a person could go to college and come out with a degree in that time. 3 years max and still thats too long. so longest for me would be 2 years and ummmm 2months... thats IT.
Product Junkie Diva

KelleMichelle said...

LOL at PJD!! I think if we look at it in a natural mind set.. then yes you can put a time frame on it! I think 2 years is good, however I want to see that person in every facet of life!! I always want to see him in an extenuating circumstance I want to see him change and I want to know E V E R Y T H I N G ABOUT THE PERSON!!!!!! Just to see if CHANGE ( which is huge when it comes to marriage) will adversely affect the relationship!

**If we look at it in the spiritual realm! I dont think we can put a time frame on it..bc when God moves..He moves and there's nothing we can do or say about it!! If we look in the Bible and study most of the relationships.. the majority of them were extremely young and did not take years and years to court and none of that was needed bc it all lined up in the will of God.

Aww this topic gives me the butterflies...because I cant wait!! I cant wait to do it the right way and in the will of God and not have to worry about time!!

Anonymous said...

I don't believe that there is a time frame for it. Some people know after a year or more. I kind of feel that people rush to get married and they fall in love with being married and the wedding and not the actual person. Boy meets girl or girl meets boy and the first thought is whether this person can be a husband or a wife instead of just really getting to know the person. Some people want to get married so bad that they miss the "getting to know you part." Personally, I don't think you can know in a year. A year is like a warmup. This is the person you will be spending the rest of your life with and the way divorce rates have been, I think slower is better.


Just_Wondering said...

@PJD I totally agree with the notion of seeing the person in different situations! I mean the things you mention are valuable pieces of information about the person's character. As for the time frame you're a bit bolder then I...I don't know if I could say "yes" to a proposal after a year...I need to be sure so I'd wanna take things slow. I'm cautious like that because marriage is tough! So even if I think he's marriage material..I'd want more time.

@Kellie Awww your enthusiam was jumping off the page when I read your response! I think that everyone would want to really see how your mate will react to change because people often think you'll be married to the same person you met intially. You are right about God having a hand in making things happen according to his will...I just wonder how many people are listening to Him when they are in a relationship.

@Moon- "A year is a warmup" I like that concept! I also totally agree with the notion of people falling in love with the wedding and the idea of marriage!! What happened to taking the time to getting to know someone?? Why run to the alter with someone if you have no idea who they really are...

James Tubman said...

no marriage can work if they don't have a support system

this is why arranged marriages stay in tact longer than voluntary ones because the family knows that you just can't throw people together and say good luck lol

also each member must be willing to work things out no matter what

these 2 ingrediants are the only ones you need to have a successful marriage

Anonymous said...

I got married at a young age-20 years old to be exact. My ex-wife [now] and I were friends for several years before we even started dating each other in our late-teens. Our engagement time was about eight months and then we got married. Unfortunately our marriage ended about three years later.

Do I think we would have been better if we'd been engaged longer: absolutely not! My parents have been married for 33-years now and their engagement was for about six months; they are still together because they are loyal to each other and obviously still very much in love.

Perhaps it wasn't destined for my ew-wife and I to be together, though I would have loved to have still been married to this day.

In the end, only the two folks that are getting married know what is best for them. Most people say that you should get to know someone before you know them and this is true, but you truly DO NOT know someone until you are married to that person and are put together the test; that is what marriage is about. Either you weather the storm or you give in and get a divorce; believe me, the latter option was really hard for me, but it had to be done.

:::Marcus LANGFORD:::

Just_Wondering said...

@James Its intresting that you mentioned arranged marriages. I met a woman at work who met her husband like that and she explained to me that it's not as bad as it seems because you learn to grow and love the person you're with.Kinda like how you dont choose your family but if its a solid foundation that you grew up in then you fight to keep that no matter what....

@Macus Thanks for sharing your story. It's really great to hear from someone who's actually lived married life. It seemed like you had good intentions going into it but in the end you both did what you felt was right

Thanks for making your comments!

Anonymous said...

I don't like to put a time on marriage. I feel like two people will know when the time is right.

I do want to see my SO in very different environments and situations to see the reaction.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm ready to meet the man that God has for me and for us to both know that we know that we know marriage is the answer.

Jackie Edwards said...

I really don't believe that you can put a time frame on these sorts of things. I mean there are ideas and ideals that we might have in our minds about how things should progress but we've all heard stories that go against all odds and then those that we swore would never work that do. So who's to say. I can only hope and pray that when my time comes, that it happens just as it was meant to and that regardless it will be a union blessed by God.

Anonymous said...

I agree with PJD has to say about needing to see how a man interacts in every situations... I think it's hard to keep up a perfect image, with no flaws after a while... I also agree with kellemichelle that you can't put a time on it, Everybody wants to put a time frame on everything... If it is God's work, you just have to let go and let GOD do his work. God wants whats best for us... I truely believe that "every gift and every perfect gift comes from above" (James 1:17) Sorry for preaching to you guys, but i'm a spiritual sista, and I take marriage very seriously.I've heard too many things and witness a lot of things to a point it's scray... We don't take time to include God in everything that we do we life, and we wonder why things go wrong, that's only because we take matters into our own hands... We waste time in dating people who are not wife/husband material. Divorce rates are going sky high because we feel deep down inside that the person we are with will change when they are married. If u know that you can't tolerate certain things that your significant other does, why must you think you will tolerate it later in the marriage... Who wants to feel stuck? On a whole, if u feel that u know the person and can tolerate his/her habits and include God in your planning, why should that stop you... I would not suggest for someone to jump the broom after knowing each other for 3 months but everyone is different...
Most people are so caught up in the wedding when they should focus more on the marriage...

Anonymous said...

Well please note that I do not claim to be an expert on this subject. Marriage is work and the old cliche is you get out what you put in. I am well into my 2nd marriage. I married for the 1st time @ 19. I thought that I knew myself and I knew my then spouse. I WAS WRONG ABOUT BOTH. I learned from my "mistakes" yet I gain a wonderful (yet challenging-she is a teenager-pray for me!) child from that union. The second time around happened 7 years ago. My husband and I never actually dated. He was my best male (platonic) friend for 10 years. He was my ace boon coon and my dawg. He kept me from acting like a nut job and I did the same for him. How did we get together? I prayed that God would take all of my drama out of my life...yet he was still there. I prayed that I would meet a man that could be head of my household as God ordained...he was still there. We knew so much about each other and had many of the same life goals as well as beliefs. I knew I loved him as the special man in my life ...but not in "that way" until God revealed it.
Getting to know someone is not a two year or six month deal. It takes a life time. My husband and I have discovered new things about each other and we continue to do so everyday. We take the good with the bad. At the end of the day we make sure that God is first in our lives and the rest is blessed!! We talk all of the time. He is my BEST friend and my husband. We are 7 years deep and still make each other laugh (and blush). I know that there is nothing that we cannot do together...not because I am putting my faith in him as a man but because WE as a couple trust in God!!