It's Like Looking In A Mirror

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

I have little or no interest in the majority of women I meet. I mean this in a sexual/romantic way. I don't mind being friends with just about anyone who shares my interests or passions, but the truth is that I hardly ever meet anyone for whom I have feelings beyond friendship. The last time I had feelings for a woman was about 3 years ago.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

I can connect with just about anyone and it's actually pretty easy for me to go out and meet women and find dates. But what I realized recently is that the people closest to me are like mirrors of myself. So at this point in my life, the women who I end up attracting seem to represent the aspects of my character that I don't particularly like. So I see it as a challenge in the sense that I will need to change some parts of my life before I attract a woman that compliments me in a way that is positive. And I think that when I finally change those things for good, I won't even need to go out looking. It will just happen as a natural process and someone will end up coming into my life that I can really connect with on a very deep level. But I'm not ready for that right now, which is part of the reason that I'm single and working on myself first.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

I don't think it's a matter of advantage. Like I said, I see the entire world as a mirror of myself. Those aspects of my personality at the forefront of my conscious mind are manifested around me. This is a truth for me because I have experienced it, but it may not be a truth for everyone. So to me, the real advantage is recognizing this truth and living it. When I see something around me that bothers me, I look to myself to see how I might change it. And when I see something around me that I love, I look to myself to figure out how to bring more of it into my awareness. This is the process I'm going through...There are a lot of people in the world - period. When I go out to a bar or something, I often feel like I have an advantage simply because I can read people pretty well. But at this point in my life, that isn't going to get me what I need and it's just an ability that comes along with experience.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I think it makes sense that I'd expect to meet interesting and attractive women at places where my interests and passions are manifested. For example, I'm very into music, so anywhere where there is a good music scene I'd expect to meet a woman like myself, enjoying whatever it is that I'm enjoying. Or, I love to read philosophy and psychology, so maybe in the bookstore in those sections I'd run into woman who shares those passions as well. There is a woman in my grad class whom I am very attracted to, but it just isn't the right situation for me to pursue it. The list goes on and on. But I think the best way to look is to not look at all. This way, nature hands you exactly what you need when you need it, not when you think you need it.

His Stats: 28 year old Caucasian, Westchester, NY

I was Tagged!

So I've been tagged by Product Junkie Diva and Antithesis!
I feel horrible for being late in the game because it's been a busy week... So I was instructed to

1-Write a six-word memoir
2-Link to the person who tagged them
3-Tag five more blogs
4-Leave a comment with five more blogs to play

Ok so I gonna break the rules and do 3 out of the 4 parts of the game...I'm sorry!!! lol

Here goes

My memoir is
Its better to give than receive..

This is something that I try to live by everyday. It's easier said then done but I feel like giving of your time when others are in need helps people to stick together, builds new and maintian old relationships. When I give money, I'd like it to reach people at their point of need and I hope somehow what I give will keep on giving...Maybe, just maybe, if I help someone out they will continue the chain and give of their time, support, or money to someone else when the time comes.

I feel like the people I wanted to tag have already been tagged! So this is the part where I break the rules. lol

Ok I'm off to make comments on 5 more blogs.

Thanks for inculding me!

J_WoNdeRinG

How we feel vs How Much You Spend

I was Just Wondering….How much do you spend on a guy or girl you’ve been dating for a little over 6 months to a year? I mean what if you needed a laptop and your boo buys it for your birthday…when his/her birthday rolls around do you feel pressured to buy something of great value even though you can’t afford it? What do you do? When we purchase items for the people we are dating, are our feelings towards them measured by the monetary value of those gifts?

Burned By Boys Appearing To Be Men

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

The answer is complicated. I’m interested in good looking women so in that respect no, it’s not hard to find. But I’m an intelligent man with multilayered dimensions of intelligence (critical thinking, analytical, philosophically expansive, perceptive, open minded, creative, spiritual and not religious) so to find a woman who can keep me interested beyond how she looks is hard. Without some kind of substance to the personality, I get bored. I’m also very simply a nice person. I don’t have a temper or anger management problem. I’m not spoiled, so I don’t flip out when things don’t go my way. I’m not possessive or demanding or overly critical. Most of my female friends have these qualities, and it makes me feel happy to be single. If I had to date women like that (and I have already) I’d be a miserable person (as I have been before when I’ve dated women like that). It’s rare to meet a woman who’s just chill, down to earth, considerate, and easy going. Most of my male friends are recently married dudes, and they love their wives, but I can tell they’re not all the way happy with them because they compromised in some way. I’m still single because I refuse to compromise and settle.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

In addition to what I answered above, I think the main challenge is finding a woman who isn’t jaded about men overall. I’m a black male who occasionally posts ads online specifically for black woman. But I’ll get so many responses from level headed, intelligent, compassionate white women who aren’t jaded about what they perceive to be a decent man; it leaves me feeling like no matter how honestly I present myself, so many women have been burned by so many boys appearing to be men, that most (not all) but most women of my choice and preference can no longer recognize a good man when he’s right in front of them. I’ve been the “male friend” in the lives of woman who continually choose the wrong men over and over again, and never seem to put it together that a guy like me would respect them, engage them in the mind and in the heart in ways these other idiots can’t or don’t. But somehow, it never translates. Not saying they should be interested in me personally, but at least a guy “like” me would do them some good. That’s frustrating. It’s also frustrating to have all this strong character, multi-talents, gifts, smarts, good heart, yet still be judged on material standards.

It’s also all the more frustrating to meet self absorbed types who are so interested in themselves, that they aren’t really interesting at all. Just the other day I had lunch with a female friend who I thought I might have an interest in, and listening to her mentality, logic and worldview about events in her life? Made me realize how boring she is. She’s not a good listener, and only wanted to make her points while not really ‘hearing’ what I had to say to her. Thank goodness I’m a good conversationalist enough to have changed the topics several times to keep it flowing. Sometimes women are interested in me for what I have going on while they have nothing to offer. That’s not fair. Here I am taking time to develop myself and grow, but I’m supposed to just settle for someone with a stagnate personality? If you have high expectations? I can have them too.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

Not really. I feel it’s a disadvantage, because that’s just how many more woman I have to meet in order to finally get to the one who I feel is my true peer or match.

I’m a self motivated, self directed man who doesn’t follow the herd. Just because there are so many women to pick from doesn’t mean these choices are quality choices. These days, there’s more substance than style. Although, it would be nice to finally have a balance of both style and substance in one woman. I’m a one woman man.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m going to have to change this up. I’ve met a decent number of woman online by putting up ads that are honest and straightforward about what kind of person I am. I’ve met woman through my female friends, but those female friends end up getting jealous because they secretly like me but also don’t want to me know they like me. I never approach women when I’m hanging out in some club or party because I think it’s lost cause. Most guys are really corny or are players so women just don’t naturally trust getting approached from guys in public. So I just don’t bother with that. But lately, I think I’m going to have to join some classes or take some workshops around subjects that are interesting to me or around things I value with the idea of possibly meeting a woman who shares similar values and interests. It’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.

Mr. 82nd Street

Jackie is patiently waiting on the platform for her train to come and she wonders what her boss will say to her when she walks in 15minutes late. To be completely honest Jackie has a tendency to take forever to get herself up and ready in the mornings, but she knows she’s going to have to get her act together soon. As the train pulls into the station she’s praying that there was no congestion ahead so that some how she’d make it there on time. As she enters the train she quickly locates a seat and is thankful because she was wearing a pair of black pumps that happens to leave her feet crying by the end of the day. When the train pulls into the next stop, she looks up and her eyes rests upon Mr. 82^nd Street. Who is Mr. 82^nd Street you ask? He happens to be this handsome man whose presence exudes confidence, appears to have such a polite nature and lets not forget that amazing sense of style.

Jackie crosses paths with Mr. 82^nd Street when she’s running late, which has become quite often during the past few weeks. She tends to wonder what he was like during the rest of his day as she only gets to see him on this short ride into the city. How much could you really tell about a person just based on their outward appearance? She has to admit that he’s definitely a highlight to her hustle and bustle in the mornings. She started to think about the last time she’s ever come across anyone that she’s felt a slight feeling of “Mmm I’d like to get to know you more..” Oh you know that feeling don’t you…it makes you pause for a few moments wondering about who they are after that initial meeting, introduction, or short chat. Your mind lingers on the conversation however insignificant it may seem to anyone else and your interest is peaked. Maybe you’ve graduated to more than a few fleeting conversations or had the chance to observe the person interact in a different setting. You notice something new that you didn’t notice before like…“Wow it was nice of him to have emailed me the information I wanted so promptly…he really takes his time helping people to understand something new…I like that.”

Jackie suddenly snaps out of her train of thoughts and realizes that she’s about to miss her stop. She gathers her bags and merges into the crowd among the many getting off at her stop. As she passes by Mr. 82^nd Street, the scarf she had placed around her neck had unraveled and fell in front of him. He quickly goes to pick it up hoping he could catch her before she leaves the train. Unfortunately, the train doors begin to close and he is left with the scarf of the woman he often wonders about on his ride to work.

Question:

• So is there anyone you wonder about during the hustle and bustle of your day?
  
• When was the last time you’ve felt that feeling of “Mmmm I wanna know more about you?”