Are You Prepared For Marriage?

….Hey….it’s me…I was thinking…Oh I’m sorry…Here’s an invitation to what I’ve been wondering about lately. Welcome to my thoughts…..I was looking back at my life and to be quite honest I’ve been blessed…I have accomplished some of what I wanted at stage in my life. I love God with all my heart, I got an education, I have a career that I love, and a great place to work. I’m healthy, my family is with me and I have real true friends.

I was thinking about how I got it all. What did I do to get it all? I realized that for the most part I prayed and then got myself prepared for each step I took. When I finished high school I knew I wanted to go to college so I got prepared and made a list of schools I wanted then applied and don’t forgot that I prayed along the entire process. When I went to class, I learned the material and went home to go back over everything so that I’d be prepared for the exams. I got myself ready, I studied, I researched what I didn’t really know or understand. Well lets keep going…I promise you that I’m getting somewhere with this……I knew I wanted to buy a car someday but first I needed to learn how to drive!! I needed to get ready to get on the road before I could officially call myself a driver. I did a lot of praying because I was really afraid of driving my car on NYC streets. These were all challenges. Yet I prayed and God helped me during each phase.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did something to prepare myself for the unknown. For college, for those exams, for that road test, for my monetary investment and read my bible to develop my spiritual life. So then I started to wonder…I wondered about the other things I’d like to see happen in my future…marriage…kids…however I began to realize when it comes to something as big as marriage that people aren’t getting themselves prepared. Something that will affect the rest of your life. Something so complicated as falling in love and staying together. Now I used the word complicated because it’s just that…Love and developing a relationship is hard work. Marriage is about two people becoming one. Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to take a course on marriage before you jumped the broom. I know you can’t know everything, but maybe…just maybe you could do some research, speak to a few married or divorce couples just to get some insight about the idea of happily ever after (if that is even at all possible cause living in today’s age is no fairytale)

How amazing would it be to know what pitfalls to avoid before you get to them before you get married? How to resolve issues? How to communicate your feelings? Isn’t it ironic that people get themselves prepared in one way or another for a lot of things in life but they don’t get prepared or try to figure out what it would take to have a successful marriage….?

If marriage is something your heart desires is there really anyway to get yourself prepared (and I’m not talking about when you are engaged already…way before that?)

I also ask you this…..

Do you feel like there is a way to get yourself prepared and if so what would you be willing to do to prepare for it? Have you done anything so far? If so what was it?

Why is it that with everything else we are ready to do the research to get ourselves prepared for the unknown…but we often walk into marriage thinking we can take a crash course at the alter?

Haiti Earthquake - Are your Hearts Shaken up?

I wanted to do a post regarding Haiti because I am Haitian American. The past couple of days has shaken everyone internally as the news and the internet has been covering the devastation in Haiti. Maybe you do not know any Haitian people. Maybe you did not even know about the tiny country in the Carribean. However, now its the topic from the supermarkets to the Office. I have heard bad news and good news during the past few days from Haitian friends regarding their families. It has not been easy mourning with those who have lost so much and rejoicing when you find that people have lived. Its a lot of emotions to bare all at the same time as people relay stories.

So I am not going to retell any stories. I am simply hoping and praying that everyone will do whatever they can to help someone in need. Whether if it is a listening ear, a word of encouragement, maybe a donation to the Red Cross, whatever you feel moved to do, DO it.... People have made comments about God punishing Haiti, or where was God when this happened, or why should we help. God knows all and if you have any mixed feeling about Him I would suggest you start asking him these questions, I guarantee that if you truly want answers from Him he will respond and give you the answers you need. Get alone with God and ask him whatever your heart truly wants to know. If you're mad then go talk to God and tell him your concerns. He will show up if you are willing to listen to what he has to say.

This is a personal matter for me. My heart aches so I will be trying my best to help in my own way. If your heart aches also do something however small it is. If you opt out of doing anything and have your reasons, that's ok too. I just know that my outlook on life and my lenses are a bit clearer. I am thankful for the gift of life and I hope that when it's my turn to leave this earth that someone would say "She was an encouragement to those around her."

What would you want people to say about your life after you have passed away?

Thanks for reading

Just_Wondering

What Do Women Want In A Man?

Hey Everyone,

Happy New Year!!! I hope that everyone is doing well and if this is the first time you are reading my blog Welcome!

This post will be a little different. I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine as he asked me where all the educated woman are hiding. lol We also dicussed what he would have to offer an educated independent woman and what those woman want. So I emailed him this response. Enjoy the read!

What Independent Successful Black Women want? (I said black because that's what he's looking for)

Now not every single woman wants what I am about to tell you, but I know that both men and women have a desire for companionship. Whether if it’s through a romantic relationship, a platonic one or with family. People need people.Now woman are all very different and their past can certainly shape how they view men. But the honest woman who wants someone they want a real relationship with, that have worked hard on getting themselves an education, a job and is holding themselves down..or maybe they don't have education but they have a plan to do better and be better..these type of women want these things...Now this quote was written by a guy (a friend of my sister) who has a good idea that men can provide much more than money, because a successful woman is already taking care of herself financially.

"My role as a man would involve a vision for the relationship which would look like this…I would be a support emotionally by creating a place that is safe for her to be herself, to offer compassion and understanding and support in the whatever day to day challenges that arise. My role would be to offer companionship and shared reality and interests. My role would be to offer quality time and comfort and an encouraging voice. My role would be to find ways to help her flourish and wake up to even more of the genius part inside her."

What I like about this response is that it shows that independent women want a man to love her inside and outside. We want someone who really..truly have our best interest at heart. Someone who we can call our man and our friend. We want to be able to feel vulnerable and safe around you. Men have a way of providing a sense of security when you know that they will take care of a situation making wise and sound decisions that demonstrate that they are thinking about what you would want.

We want a man who is taking care of business by taking good care of himself, yet can anticipate a woman's needs as well. Women also want someone they can trust. A man who is consistent in keeping his word, actions matching up with his words, and admitting when he has done something wrong or needs help when its clear that the situation is beyond his level of expertise

Women want to know that when the bottom falls out you will be concerned and willing to provide emotional support. Men aren’t necessarily emotional by nature, but when you care about a woman you should be watching to find out what will make her feel better (e.g an embrace, a listening ear while she complains) it may not be one thing, it could be a combination of things but the key is to care enough to figure out how to make that woman feel better. Women also want to feel appreciated for the things that they do for their man.

Now you don’t give every woman you meet all these things automatically. You need to find out if she's a real woman of character who also has your best interest at heart. Someone who is willingly to support you, and care about you. Her actions and words will speak volumes as you get to know her. You give your attention to the woman who is interested in giving you 110%. Then you can give her your 110% also. Don’t expect more than you have to offer because it’s not a fair deal. Don’t date someone who gives less than you have to offer because then you'll get hurt and frustrated.

Well that's it I guess. Some of this stuff may be old news and other stuff you may not usually put into practice with someone who is giving you a 110%. And maybe you're not at a time in your life where you feel you want to do any of it. But a lot of great independent woman want great men in their lives....Hope this helps..if not send this to the clueless brotha lol

Ladies if you have anything else you'd like to add feel free to post a coment. Men if any thoughts feel free to comment also!

Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Just_Wondering