JustWondering

Tug of War- Are Women Running Relationships?

2011-02-24T13:40:00.002-05:00

Hey Guys,

It’s been an extremely long time since I have posted or even remembered I even have a blog lol. I told myself that I would only post when I felt I wanted to put something I’ve been wondering about. So today happens to be that day. Now forgive me if any of the things I am going to say does not sound well thought out, maybe even a little confusing. However, I’m just wondering maybe someone else could possibly relate or even experienced the same feelings or notions on the topic. Here we go…..

Ok so this post is directed to women and if there are any men that want to weigh in then certainly do so. I was thinking about the relationships and I noticed something quite interesting that I tend to struggle with myself. Maybe I’m in the wrong circles or maybe there’s way more to this then meets the eye. But I feel like lately, Men are either not taking the lead in their relationships or it’s women who aren’t letting men take the lead. Now I personally know for a fact that I can be impatient and demanding when in comes maintaining a healthy relationship. I’m huge on communication and when issues arise I believe in nipping things in the bud. However, I feel like women have taken the lead in doing so many things (at times because they have to with dads missing in action) that we don’t allow men to do their part in the relationship. I also feel that men who may not have had a good example of a male figure growing up and were raised by women. Sometimes these men are somewhat used to a woman doing it all. Now I am not saying that women are not capable to holding things down. I just honestly feel that women weren’t created to HAVE to do it all. That somewhere throughout the generations there was a shift and men are maybe lost and confused as to where they fit in.

I look at some of the people in my environment and the women are running the show. Let me describe a real situation. Here is a woman who is working full time and has one child and another one the way. The guy recently lost his job (e.g. he’s been in and out of a job for several years) and is on unemployment and is not doing much to look for a job. Her salary can hold down 85% of the household bills and mortgage. He becomes complacent because he knows that the lights won’t go off and the mortgage will get paid because the woman is not going to allow it to happen. She’s always holding it down (granted there’s more to the story then meets the eye lol there always is) What’s wrong with this picture? Or you may find that there are young men in their 20s that are used to women who go as far as asking them out or at least they try to be the aggressive one to get the guys attention (e.g. I’m old fashion meaning that I think that if a man likes you he will ask in u out. No need to be chasing after one.) Men are dating women who are even planning the dates 90% of the time. I am totally guilty of running the show when I see things aren’t going to get done. It’s something that I have to learn not to do and it’s become automatic or almost natural.

So what do you think? Do you think women have taken the lead in relationships from men, or that men just have no clue because we don’t give them the chance to lead. I’m not taking about men being brutes and trying to control a woman. I’m talking about a man being able to think ahead and make wise decisions for the relationship. A man who knows how to handle a bad situation without it being unsettling to the relationship/marriage. It’s not an easy task; however I do believe that God created men and women to have different roles. Not that each one is not esteemed better than the other. I just think that God wired men to do certain things and they do it well. As well as women were created to do certain things and do it well. When you put the two together you have a well oiled relationship that fit wonderfully together because the men and women truly complete each other. Where one is weak, the other one is strong. So ladies do you ever wonder if women did less then maybe men would take their positions? Are we to take some of the blame for this issue? Maybe I just need to check out my environment and figure out why these types of men are the ones I keep on seeing lol Or maybe men are so used to women running the show it that it’s normal? Is it that men don’t have a clue as to what their role is anymore? What do you notice going on in your environment? I don’t know guys. You tell me.

What do you think?

Thanks for Reading!!

Just_Wondering

Are You Prepared For Marriage?

2010-03-22T15:18:00.003-04:00

….Hey….it’s me…I was thinking…Oh I’m sorry…Here’s an invitation to what I’ve been wondering about lately. Welcome to my thoughts…..I was looking back at my life and to be quite honest I’ve been blessed…I have accomplished some of what I wanted at stage in my life. I love God with all my heart, I got an education, I have a career that I love, and a great place to work. I’m healthy, my family is with me and I have real true friends.

I was thinking about how I got it all. What did I do to get it all? I realized that for the most part I prayed and then got myself prepared for each step I took. When I finished high school I knew I wanted to go to college so I got prepared and made a list of schools I wanted then applied and don’t forgot that I prayed along the entire process. When I went to class, I learned the material and went home to go back over everything so that I’d be prepared for the exams. I got myself ready, I studied, I researched what I didn’t really know or understand. Well lets keep going…I promise you that I’m getting somewhere with this……I knew I wanted to buy a car someday but first I needed to learn how to drive!! I needed to get ready to get on the road before I could officially call myself a driver. I did a lot of praying because I was really afraid of driving my car on NYC streets. These were all challenges. Yet I prayed and God helped me during each phase.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did something to prepare myself for the unknown. For college, for those exams, for that road test, for my monetary investment and read my bible to develop my spiritual life. So then I started to wonder…I wondered about the other things I’d like to see happen in my future…marriage…kids…however I began to realize when it comes to something as big as marriage that people aren’t getting themselves prepared. Something that will affect the rest of your life. Something so complicated as falling in love and staying together. Now I used the word complicated because it’s just that…Love and developing a relationship is hard work. Marriage is about two people becoming one. Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to take a course on marriage before you jumped the broom. I know you can’t know everything, but maybe…just maybe you could do some research, speak to a few married or divorce couples just to get some insight about the idea of happily ever after (if that is even at all possible cause living in today’s age is no fairytale)

How amazing would it be to know what pitfalls to avoid before you get to them before you get married? How to resolve issues? How to communicate your feelings? Isn’t it ironic that people get themselves prepared in one way or another for a lot of things in life but they don’t get prepared or try to figure out what it would take to have a successful marriage….?

If marriage is something your heart desires is there really anyway to get yourself prepared (and I’m not talking about when you are engaged already…way before that?)

I also ask you this…..

Do you feel like there is a way to get yourself prepared and if so what would you be willing to do to prepare for it? Have you done anything so far? If so what was it?

Why is it that with everything else we are ready to do the research to get ourselves prepared for the unknown…but we often walk into marriage thinking we can take a crash course at the alter?

Haiti Earthquake - Are your Hearts Shaken up?

2010-01-18T12:00:00.007-05:00

I wanted to do a post regarding Haiti because I am Haitian American. The past couple of days has shaken everyone internally as the news and the internet has been covering the devastation in Haiti. Maybe you do not know any Haitian people. Maybe you did not even know about the tiny country in the Carribean. However, now its the topic from the supermarkets to the Office. I have heard bad news and good news during the past few days from Haitian friends regarding their families. It has not been easy mourning with those who have lost so much and rejoicing when you find that people have lived. Its a lot of emotions to bare all at the same time as people relay stories.

So I am not going to retell any stories. I am simply hoping and praying that everyone will do whatever they can to help someone in need. Whether if it is a listening ear, a word of encouragement, maybe a donation to the Red Cross, whatever you feel moved to do, DO it.... People have made comments about God punishing Haiti, or where was God when this happened, or why should we help. God knows all and if you have any mixed feeling about Him I would suggest you start asking him these questions, I guarantee that if you truly want answers from Him he will respond and give you the answers you need. Get alone with God and ask him whatever your heart truly wants to know. If you're mad then go talk to God and tell him your concerns. He will show up if you are willing to listen to what he has to say.

This is a personal matter for me. My heart aches so I will be trying my best to help in my own way. If your heart aches also do something however small it is. If you opt out of doing anything and have your reasons, that's ok too. I just know that my outlook on life and my lenses are a bit clearer. I am thankful for the gift of life and I hope that when it's my turn to leave this earth that someone would say "She was an encouragement to those around her."

What would you want people to say about your life after you have passed away?

Thanks for reading

Just_Wondering

What Do Women Want In A Man?

2010-01-11T19:31:00.004-05:00

Hey Everyone,

Happy New Year!!! I hope that everyone is doing well and if this is the first time you are reading my blog Welcome!

This post will be a little different. I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine as he asked me where all the educated woman are hiding. lol We also dicussed what he would have to offer an educated independent woman and what those woman want. So I emailed him this response. Enjoy the read!

What Independent Successful Black Women want? (I said black because that's what he's looking for)

Now not every single woman wants what I am about to tell you, but I know that both men and women have a desire for companionship. Whether if it’s through a romantic relationship, a platonic one or with family. People need people.Now woman are all very different and their past can certainly shape how they view men. But the honest woman who wants someone they want a real relationship with, that have worked hard on getting themselves an education, a job and is holding themselves down..or maybe they don't have education but they have a plan to do better and be better..these type of women want these things...Now this quote was written by a guy (a friend of my sister) who has a good idea that men can provide much more than money, because a successful woman is already taking care of herself financially.

"My role as a man would involve a vision for the relationship which would look like this…I would be a support emotionally by creating a place that is safe for her to be herself, to offer compassion and understanding and support in the whatever day to day challenges that arise. My role would be to offer companionship and shared reality and interests. My role would be to offer quality time and comfort and an encouraging voice. My role would be to find ways to help her flourish and wake up to even more of the genius part inside her."

What I like about this response is that it shows that independent women want a man to love her inside and outside. We want someone who really..truly have our best interest at heart. Someone who we can call our man and our friend. We want to be able to feel vulnerable and safe around you. Men have a way of providing a sense of security when you know that they will take care of a situation making wise and sound decisions that demonstrate that they are thinking about what you would want.

We want a man who is taking care of business by taking good care of himself, yet can anticipate a woman's needs as well. Women also want someone they can trust. A man who is consistent in keeping his word, actions matching up with his words, and admitting when he has done something wrong or needs help when its clear that the situation is beyond his level of expertise

Women want to know that when the bottom falls out you will be concerned and willing to provide emotional support. Men aren’t necessarily emotional by nature, but when you care about a woman you should be watching to find out what will make her feel better (e.g an embrace, a listening ear while she complains) it may not be one thing, it could be a combination of things but the key is to care enough to figure out how to make that woman feel better. Women also want to feel appreciated for the things that they do for their man.

Now you don’t give every woman you meet all these things automatically. You need to find out if she's a real woman of character who also has your best interest at heart. Someone who is willingly to support you, and care about you. Her actions and words will speak volumes as you get to know her. You give your attention to the woman who is interested in giving you 110%. Then you can give her your 110% also. Don’t expect more than you have to offer because it’s not a fair deal. Don’t date someone who gives less than you have to offer because then you'll get hurt and frustrated.

Well that's it I guess. Some of this stuff may be old news and other stuff you may not usually put into practice with someone who is giving you a 110%. And maybe you're not at a time in your life where you feel you want to do any of it. But a lot of great independent woman want great men in their lives....Hope this helps..if not send this to the clueless brotha lol

Ladies if you have anything else you'd like to add feel free to post a coment. Men if any thoughts feel free to comment also!

Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Just_Wondering

How do I know he loves me? Does she love me? What is Love? Is it True Love?

2009-12-06T16:43:00.008-05:00

Have you ever started out in a relationship with someone and wonder when you will know it’s really love? How do you know if that woman or man loves you? Do you even know what true love is really like? These are some of the questions I think most of us wonder about when we start dating someone and it’s going well after a few months. I know it’s something that I had to find out. I’ll be honest with you (yeah you reading this post lol) I'm not the type of girl that just falls in and out of Love. My definition of Love transcends those butterfly feelings that one gets when they spend quality time with the person they are dating. So I wanted to know in my heart and in my mind a way I could know that what I had with my guy was real. Here's my definition of Love and how most people get caught up in what they think is Love. Hey, it may just help you to figure out if your girlfriend/boyfriend really does Love you or if you really love that person also.

What I hope to accomplish my the end of this Love Post lol is to

(a) Define Love, (b)Knowing what isn’t Love, (c)How do you know when you’re in love?

Ok I would like to begin by saying that I’m no expert. I think that Love is wonderful and we all long to be in a relationship that will bring us joy even when things get tough. However, I feel like a lot of us run around wanting to be loved and we tend to get ourselves into relationships that end up hurting us or someone else. Sometimes we carry some of the hurt, and pain into our next relationship and it becomes a vicious cycle.

Why don’t we start off with defining love? I went online and looked up love on a dictionary website (dictionary.com) and this is what it said:

Love: [luhv](n)
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual intercourse or sexual passion
4. a personification of sexual affection
5. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
6. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
7.the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God

I don’t know about you but I thought this list was rather fascinating. So why don’t we play a little game on how love is defined by saying Love equals (=) and add that definition above

Love=Passionate Affection, affection is a feeling
Love=Feeling attachment/affection aka feelings again
Love=Sex
Love=Sex
Love=Hugging and Kissing
Love=Concern for others (feelings of affection with action) loving your neighbor
Love=Comes from God that He gives and we return to him.

WOW what a list right. Ok the first two have to do with feelings and next three are physical and the last two essentially have something to do with God.

I don’t know about you, but if I had to use 1-5 to figure out if my man loves me based on just feelings he says he has then everyone is in Love lol People can say that they love you but it may not be true. A lot of people can feel affection because you are attracted to that person. But is that really love? As for sex, well we know tons of people have sex for a lot of reasons and many don’t even claim to love the person they are having sex with. So I’m not convinced that love is sex, hugs, and kisses. All that can possibly come from the attraction you physically feel when you are with or thinking about the person which isn’t love.

Now we’re left with the last two options. Ok you may not be a person who believes in God. However, since this definition mentions God I think it would be worth it to glance at the Bible to find out what love is. The Bible says that God is Love. He is the author of love. So if you want to know what Love is all about you’d have to find out who God is and you can definitely read about God in the Bible which I call God's Love Letter (click there for my previous post)

Love is defined in the Bible as the following in 1Corinthians13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

The description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God. What I noticed about this definition is that there’s no mention of physical attraction, sex, or having passionate feelings. If not those things, then what does it say love is supposed to be like.

Love=Patience, Kindness these are not things that you feel, but things that you see that the person is exhibiting through actions.

Love=Rejoices in Truth which means that if someone says something and you can see through actual evidence that it is true then that’s an indication of Love on their part

Love=Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes Perseveres, Never Fails

I know that we are not perfect people. No one can perfectly meet everything on this list without God helping us to do so since he is the author of love. However, if you are trying to figure out if you love someone or if that someone loves you. Please PLEASE PLEASE look at their actions. See if what they say matches up with what they DO. Actions speak louder than words. I am not saying that words don’t speak loud..lol But Actions speak LoudER!

So if you want to know if you are in love. Don’t depend on sex, passionate feelings or attachment to someone because that stuff can only entertain you for maybe 3months, 6months, maybe a year. But you will know if it’s love if both of you tell each other the truth, you will trust each other, you both will be patient and kind, you will want to protect each other from all kinds of hurt meaning you feel hurt when they get hurt, and it’ll be something that you hope will go through the test of time (perseveres.) Only time will tell you all these things so don’t rush into anything. If it’s true love then you’ll get through hardships, trials, or tough times together because you want the love that doesn’t give up and never fails.

Before I wrap up I also want to point out what LOVE IS NOT (≠) according to the author of Love (God).

Love ≠ does not envy- being envious means that someone can be jealous, spiteful, resentful towards you

Love ≠ does not boast- being boastful means that you’re showing off things about yourself, and saying all you have to offer all the time

Love ≠is not proud aka prideful- is also connected to boasting about yourself, pumping yourself up or telling that person they are lucky to have them in your life

Love ≠ is not rude- we all know what being rude is which is being discourteous, impolite, vulgar, offensive, having no manners towards you

Love ≠is not self-seeking- only looking out for yourself love is about looking outside of yourself and looking out for someone else.

Love ≠is not easily angered- meaning getting upset very very quickly. It doesn’t say you can’t get upset. It says that you don’t get mad at the drop of a dime.

Love ≠no record of wrongs- You shouldn’t have a long list of things he/she has done wrong and throwing that stuff in their face. Love is about true forgiveness. If you can’t forgive then you don’t love the person or vice versa.

Love ≠ does not delight in evil- that means anyone who is hurting you physically, emotionally, mentally that is not love its being evil or wicked. Love is not supposed to HURT!!

So there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. There’s your checklist that I hope you can use. Write it down on a piece of paper. Watch the actions of the person you are dating and see if it matches up. Oh and don’t forget to use the checklist to figure out if you love that person based on your actions after you have spent some serious time with that person. Sure you can have sexual attraction, you can have butterflys, you can certainly have a great time hugging and kissing. Those things are fleeting. But when you have a problem will sex, butterflys and empty words of affection really be there for you. Maybe for a short while you think it can help you forget the problem. However, if you are interested in true love that comes from the author of Love (God) I think you’ll have a better chance of having a wonderful relationship that will last for a long time. Sure it will be work. I never said it would be easy…But love is definitely worth it..If its real love.

I hope this helps and that God will teach you the love He has so that you can demonstrate that to someone else. Ask him, he’s always there to listen.

Thanks for reading!!

Just_Wondering

Is it Love? Part 2

2009-11-08T17:35:00.006-05:00

Claire walked out of the office building where she worked in a daze. She could not believe what just happened. She got laid off. When her supervisor called her into his office, she thought he wanted to discuss a new project that he proposed during the last staff meeting. However, as he told her that the company needed downsizing due to product sales going down causing him to make some cuts from staff. After those words reached her ears, she could only see his lips moving in disbelief. How could this happen during a time in which she had so many financial responsibilities? How was she going to pay for her rent, car note, electric/cell/gas bill, student loans that seemed never ending and the good ole cable bill?

As she rode the train home to her apartment in Corona, Claire started to worry. Tears started to stream down her face as she began to ponder on what she was supposed to do now that her back was up against the wall. As she cried, she said a silent prayer to God saying how she needed Him to come quickly to comfort and help direct her steps as she did not know what she would do to keep her head above water. Claire reached into her bag for a tissue wiping away her tears. She suddenly realized that people around her may be wondering why she was so distraught. Her stop came. She rose from her seat and got out of the train station. As she walked home she called her mother, sister, best friend and told them what happened. They said some encouraging words which brought her some comfort. When she got home, she said another prayer as she crawled into her bed hoping that this would all go away.

A few hours had passed as Claire’s cell phone rang on her night stand. She looked at the phone and saw that it was one of her favorite people to speak with. Her highlight…His name was Daniel Earton… In that moment, Claire really did not feel like talking. So she ignored the call and let it go to voicemail. She pulled the covers over her shoulders and went back to sleep.

Daniel had been emailing Claire from work as they often communicated via the internet throughout the day. However, for some reason the emails stopped around 10:30am. He was somewhat puzzled wondering if he had said something wrong to have upset her, but his last few responses could only bring a smile to her face. He was called into a meeting and it ran a lot longer than expected. When he returned to his desk and checked his email, she had not responded all day. He started to become concerned and called her job and they said that she had left early for the day. So Daniel called her on his way to the parking lot and when she didn’t answer he said, “Hey Sweety, I noticed that you haven’t returned my emails today and when I called your office they said that you went home early. Is everything ok? Please call me, ok Babe..bye”

Daniel had a long drive home and as he pulled into his driveway all he could think about was Claire. He wondered why she had not called back by now. He tried calling her again only to find that it went straight to voicemail. Although, he lived 45mins away from her, he pulled right back out and headed towards her apartment complex. As he rang the doorbell he was hoping that his girl was ok.

Claire heard the doorbell ring, but she didn’t want to get up even though she knew she had to. She was thinking it was her sister stopping by to check up on her. But when Claire opened the door…It was Daniel.

Daniel took one look at Claire and new something was not right. Not only was Claire’s hair disheveled but judging from the wrinkles in her clothing, it was obvious that she didn’t bother to change before lying down. What gave her state of mind away were her sad eyes. Those are not the eyes that he was used to staring into.

“Claire what’s wrong? Tell me what happened?”

Claire walked away from him without responding and left the door open for him to enter the living room. She sat down on the couch as a flood of feelings began to invade her entire body. She started to cry. Daniel closed the door and when he heard her crying he felt paralyzed for a few seconds. He had never seen Claire like this before and immediately went to hold her while she cried on his shoulder. Claire didn’t have the words to explain and she felt helpless in his arms. After a couple of minutes she, told him what happened.

Daniel began to reassure her that things would be okay, and that she had to have faith that everything was going to turn around. For the next three months, Daniel did everything he could to help Claire get through this trial. He came over at least twice a week after work helping Claire figure out her finances so that she could pay for all her bills. Daniel helped her fix up her resume and spent time referring her to websites that listed openings in her field. They even did some mock interviews as she had not been on an interview for the past 5 years and felt nervous. He knew that she was smart, and determined to find another position as she spent hours online looking for a job. She was going to job fairs and even got dressed up to drop her resume at a couple of companies.

It took six months before she landed a position at a prestigious company in the city. When she got the call from the HR department that she got the position she said a prayer of thanksgiving. Not only did she land a new job but she was going to be making ten thousand dollars more than she was making at her old job. She immediately called her sister and mother. She decided to hold off on calling Daniel as he was headed over to her apartment to drop off some job listing information she left at his house.

As she got some dinner ready for the both of them, she began to remember what it had felt like to lose her job and how she was able to make ends meet during the past six months. It was a miracle. Then she realized how much time Daniel had dedicated to supporting and helping her throughout the entire process and she was moved to tears.

Daniel rang the doorbell and when Claire opened the door, she saw her eyes. They seemed to light up and it’s something he had in a while. He missed them so much. She smiled and said “I GOT THE JOB!!!!” He rushed to embrace her and lifted her off her feet and said “YESSSSS!! I’m so happy for you baby!!” as he silently thanked God in his heart.

So I ask you this, Is this Love? If so, how do you know? If not, tell me why not?

Thanks for Reading…

Just_Wondering

Is it Love? Part 1

2009-11-01T09:48:00.005-05:00

As Sheila placed her head on her pillow she closed her eyes thinking about the events of her day. Some parts seemed to flash forward and other thoughts lingered on the very moments that she knew she would never forget. You see Sheila had woken up that morning from that same bed anticipating the events of the day. Maybe to you it wasn't very interesting, but to her there was one highlight that made her feel like the bubbles in a champagne bottle right before the cork is released. That feeling..you know...that excitement that you can't quite describe. Well Sheila couldn't wait to get started. She hopped in the shower, “lotioned up” and then moved along her morning routine of unraveling her hair so each roller would reveal an array of perfect curls. After she got dressed she knew she was on her way to having a perfect day.

Sheila's doorbell rang thirty minutes after she finished getting ready. She felt flustered. A warm feeling of joy filled her as she opened the door. This was one moment where she lingered on in her memory that night. Her highlight had come. His name was James, James Cadet.

James saw Sheila and couldn't help but smile after she had opened the door. He wondered what was it about this woman that made him feel like nothing could possibly ruin his day as long as she was in his presence.

He said, “Hey, I came to pick up my girl Sheila, I know this is her house but I think I'm looking at someone who looks better then her. Forget Sheila, what's your name?”

As James said this to Sheila, he waited for that moment. It’s that moment when he knows her eyes will light up and the beauty of her smile seems to always be one of the bests things to see every single time he's with her. Sheila swats him on the arm and looks up into his eyes as she receives a kiss and a warm embrace. Sheila still cannot get over how good it feels to be held by him. James envelopes her body knowing just how good she feels and smells every time he goes in for a hug.

The events of the next few hours seemed to flash forward as they left Sheila's house and headed towards the apple orchard. Sheila had never been apple picking as she was a bonafide city girl. However, when James suggested this to her, she thought it was a wonderful idea.As Sheila begins to close her eyes that night her thoughts lingered on her favorite bits and pieces of her experience. James teasing her as she tried to reach an apple and realized she couldn't do it.

“Dag Sheila you have some serious height issues going on there. It’s a good thing you're dating a tall brother like me or you'd be going home with 2-3 apples in you bag!!”

She started laughing, demanded his help as he reached over and grabbed several apples from the tree. She remembered moments like him grabbing her hand as they moved along deeper in the orchard. The way he laughed when she was trying to be serious and he would try to break her concentration by saying something funny. The way he would look at her intently as she told a story from her past.

James loved to watch her facial expressions whenever they were having a conversation. He was guilty of taking in her beauty as she spoke, however he knew if he lingered to long he'd miss out on what she was saying. He felt amazing when she would occasionally stop and realize they weren't holding hands and she'd reach out and grab his.

James kisses Shelia goodbye, gets one more whiff of her hair during an extended hug and tells her “Goodnight, Lelia” and walks to his car to drive home. As they both get ready for bed, as Shelia drifts off to sleep their thoughts lead to this...I think its Love…

Do you think they are in Love? How do you know when you're in Love?

The Power Of Prayer

2009-10-18T18:26:00.007-04:00

Have you ever wondered if God is really listening when you ask Him for help? Do you think He cares about what is bothering you, who is hurting you, a situation is getting so out of control that you don't know what else to do. As a Christian I have built my faith on putting my trust in God. He is concerned about you and me! He will answer your prayers if you believe that he exists along with faith that He will fulfill your requests.

Well I wanted to share with you all just how much coming to God in prayer makes a difference in your life. When you pray, it doesn't have to be fancy, filled with a lot of words...Just talk to God like He is your friend. Speak to Him whenever you feel the need. On the bus, train, plane, while you are walking, running, before bed, in bed, in school, at work ANYWHERE!! God is so powerful that he has the ability to listen to each and everyone in different places at once!! So don't think He can't hear you.

This past summer my sister who was diagnosed with breast cancer found out that her cancer had returned after 5yrs!! Can you imagine just how shocking that was for my entire Family. She was diagnosed at the age of 23 and now at 28 she's faced with another tumor. So guess what we all did...You guessed it!! We started praying because honestly God is the one who created the human body. He knows how it works and Jesus healed many who came to Him by their faith. This time around I asked every single person I knew who told other people to pray for my sister. We attended the prayer meeting at our church and she went up for individual prayer each time. What was even more interesting was that at the prayer meetings the prayer band gives out prayer card requests to the entire congregation and we read the situations written on the card and get in small groups of 2-4 and pray about each request. During this ordeal do you know there were two occasions in which I received a card with two women who needed prayer because someone in their family had breast cancer. Did I get discouraged? Nope, because I knew that God had delivered my sister the 1st time and that card came to me for a reason. So I prayed with all my heart for those woman knowing GOD would come through for them!

They operated on my sister and removed the tumors! The doctors throughout the process were not very optimistic...However, we never placed our faith in them but in Jesus Christ! So when my sister went to see the doctor for her post opt visit the doctor told her that they removed the tumors, however the lab results revealed that my sister had microscopic cells left and that she had 3 options:

1-Do radiation for that area to kill cells (but you only get to do radiation once and it kills all cells)

2-Go back and remove more tissue hoping to get all of the cancer cells then radiation

3-Remove everything and be breast less (My sister had reconstructive surgery with breast implant)

This was a very hard decision as my sister still young and the thought of being breast less was a horrible thought. So she went with option 2.

When I found out this news, I was in a pharmacy and I was horrified! I came home that day and I pleaded with God to deliver my sister from this cancer as He has done in the past. I thanked him for keeping her for 5 years but I was coming to him again and this time ladies and gentlemen I left my sister in the hands of God. When you are in the mist of a storm, the winds my kick up, the rain may be pouring down hard, but God is in control of it all and I believed that He could heal my sister as Jesus healed that woman who was bleeding for YEARS and had faith that if she simply touched the edge of his cloak she would be healed. I have seen God protect my property (a story for another post) So of COURSE He could help my sister.

We Prayed, WE prayed, People PRAYED...The more I prayed the more I knew that I knew that I knew that no matter what happened God would come through. God is faithful! I didn’t care if things looked WORST God was in control.

So surgery day came....They took more tissue out.. Tissue with tiny cancer cells...I'd call it a blind surgery because they could never be sure they got it all. It's like digging for gold. You never know when you'll hit the jackpot...A week later my sister couldn't make it to the prayer meeting. So I went for prayer for her. The man said a wonderful prayer and asked me to come back with the results.

The results came in: Here it Comes

NOT ONE SINGLE CANCER CELL WAS FOUND IN THE SAMPLE THEY TOOK OUT!!!! NOT ONE!!!!!

We rejoiced and gave praises to who???? God Almighty!

There is power in prayer. I don't care how small the request is....I don't care if you think it's impossible. Know that God is concerned about you. Know that He can do anything that you ask! His power is LIMITLESS!!!

But the key to prayer is this

Philpians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

So present your request right and then do this:

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH!!!

Place that problem, or situation in Gods hands trusting him, believing he exists and He will move!! There will be times when you see things getting worst but KEEP PRAYING!! Even when it looks ugly and crazy STAY on TOP of YOUR PRAYER REQUEST!

And when all is said and done. When God comes through for you, don't forget to give him 100% of the credit. Don't talk about luck, don't say it was positive thinking, don't say it was the doctors or the medicine (they have their place) however when you pray and God comes through don't rob him of a THank YOu Jesus!

Now if you are reading this and you are interested in having a personal relationship with God and allow Him to guide your heart and your life...You believe that you need a savior and you know you have sinned...The Bible says that

Romans 10:9-11That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." (New International Version)

Get alone with God and say this prayer with faith and trust in God:

Heavenly Father,

I have sinned against You. I want forgiveness for all my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and rose again. Father, I give You my life to do with as You wish. I want Jesus Christ to come inot my life and into my heart. This I ask in Jesus' name.

Amen

If you read the Sinners Prayer and truely believe the words you read, then Praise the Lord as you have been saved and now your 1st step is to purchase a Bible, so that you can start your relationship with God! Check out http://www.christianbook.com/ to buy one. You can read my post on the Bible and watch the video at the top of this page to help you on your journey in understanding the message of the Bible. If you feel confused when reading ask God to help you understand each time before you start reading. I would suggest reading the book of John so you can get to know Jesus in a personal way.

If you have any questions about anything please email me. If you said this prayer EMAIL ME! I'd like to celebrate with you!

There is Power in Prayer!

God Bless You and Thanks for Reading!

Just_Wondering

What's Your Status- Can Facebook Ruin Your Relationship?

2009-08-22T20:56:00.007-04:00

Over the past few years Facebook has become a huge hit. I mean who knew that one site could connect you with so many different people from my past and present. I’ll be honest and say that I held out from joining for a very long time, but I made the plunge a few months ago and felt amazed at just how many people you can befriend and how you can find out what people are doing. It can be addicting to say the least. I am a very private person so I’ve been able to keep my friends list within the 30-40 range. Lol However, I’m starting to realize how Facebook can really affect dating/relationships. It can really lead couples onto the path of breaking up really quickly.

A couple of issues the website is that Facebook allows everyone on your friends list to know what you are doing from the friends you have befriended, the pictures you post, to the events you plan to go to. Men and Women who are in a relationship can easily catch you in a lie! If you said you were doing one thing one night, Facebook does a good job of documenting your every move.

A dear friend of mine reconnected with a guy from her past and they chatted on the phone which led him to ask her out on a date. He cancelled the date because he said he was sick. Two days later my friend logs onto Facebook only to find that he updated his profile to say he was in a relationship!! How upsetting was that!!!

What if you start dating a guy and you two get to the boyfriend girlfriend stage in your relationship and you change your status to say that you are but the person you are dating keeps theirs listed as single. What do you do? What if you are in a committed relationship and you notice that your girl/guy has all kinds of flirty messages from others on their wall. What if an old girlfriend/boyfriend posted some really interesting pictures revealing things that you did in the past that you don’t do anymore? How do you avoid some of these pitfalls?

Well here are some tips that I have come up with that may ease some of the drama that Facebook can cause in your relationship.

1- Talk It Over- If you are in a serious relationship and both of you have Facebook, take the time to talk about how you would want that person to conduct themselves on the site in terms of boundaries. Come up with middle ground that both of you will be comfortable with. It sounds crazy but it can save you from future arguments.

2- What’s Your Relationship Status?- It is important to decide what your relationship status will be on Facebook. Do you want both of you to say you are in a relationship with each other, do you just want to keep it neutral by just stating “relationship” without saying with whom, or do you want to leave that part out of both profiles and to leave if up to each of you to inform everyone that I have a man/girl. You do all these things so that you don’t end up hurting that person’s feelings consciously or unconsciously.

3- “Friends” from the Past- Discuss what you would want the person to do when someone from the past contacts you that you know you had a relationship with or had an interest in you. How about if that person asks to reunite over lunch/dinner? How would you want your girlfriend/boyfriend to deal with it? Be open and talk about these things. Communication is the key. Otherwise your boyfriend/girlfriend may assume you’ll be okay with their decision to befriend someone.

4- Level of Privacy- Talk about how much of your business you would want reported on the site (e.g. Me and my boyfriend are going out to eat at Negrils Restaurant tonight) I mean how open are the both of you about telling others your plans from dates to future. You never know old flames may be waiting for you at the bar/restaurant hoping to “cross paths” with either of you. Lol You also want to discuss whether or not you want to post pictures of you two together?

5- Honesty- Honesty plays a big role in any relationship. However, you should try to be very clear and upfront about the time you spend away from your mate. Facebook can send you to break up land in two seconds if your boyfriend/girlfriend finds out you lied about being somewhere when you really were not.

6- Comments- The comments you make on others pages can get you into serious trouble. So watch please watch what you say.

I personally think that Facebook is good and bad. Good in a sense that you can keep in touch with friends but bad in a sense that it can get you into lots of trouble while you are in a serious relationship or at least headed in that direction. If you notice how Facebook is taking a negative toll on your budding or well established relationship, talk to your mate and see if you can solve the issue before it gets much worst. It’s worth it to have an open discussion about it. Do not let Facebook ruin what you have going in your love life.

Have you experienced any issues in your relationship because of Facebook?

Please Share by making a comment! Thanks for Reading!

Breaking up: Was It For the Wrong or Right Reasons?

2009-08-09T17:44:00.007-04:00

Hey There,

Everyone knows that developing a relationship and keeping it going is very difficult. Some days are blissful, other days there are misunderstandings, and then there are times where you feel like something died in the relationship and you just don't know how you are going to fix it. However, if you really love that person and you are interested in making things work you can have something solid.

One of my sisters said something funny the other day about why it has to be so hard to find someone and how that part of our lives can be quite a challenge. Sometimes you do feel like its a game that you either win or you keep losing. Well I want to talk about the times when you feel like you lose. Picture this scenerio.......

Kevin is his name. He's smart, good personality, sense of humor, he makes and effort to call, sets up dates, he shows a vested interest in you. Oh, lets not forget that he's great on paper too (e.g. job, house, education) He is what I would call the the great guy...Kevin is doing everything to show you he's worth a second look.

Valerie meets Kevin and she says yes when he asks her out. She goes on a few dates with him...and you know what...he's doing everything right. He's a great guy. But Valerie doesn't seem to be into him...She doesn't feel that physical attraction..So she breaks up with him...A few months later she realizes that she tends to choose the men that are what I'd call players/pretty boys...Men that will often play with your heart and leave it laying on the streets to get run over. The ones that show interest because they want one thing.

Have you ever thought of the woman or that man who you encountered in your life that you let walk out of your life because you didn't take a closer look or you let something good go for some reason that seems ridiculous now...Whether it was a couple of dates/months/year you look back and now you're beating yourself up wishing you had a second chance.

If this happened to you....why did you let them go?

I was Just...Wondering about it...

Interracial Dating...How White Men Feel About Dating Black Women

2009-07-05T15:43:00.005-04:00

Hey Everyone,

I recently enjoyed a nice vacation in Miami, Fl with my sisters and we had the chance to discuss an array of topics. One of those topics happen to be interracial dating. We asked each other how open are we about dating Caucasian men. We all agreed that we would prefer an African American male but are these Caucasian men looking to date a Black women. Finding a good Black man these days seems to be harder and harder. African American women are waiting for their Chocolate Skinned Prince Charming lol So maybe Black women need to take a look outside of the box and see what White men think about dating African American woman. Since I love to ask questions, I did a little survey and here are some of the responses I received. I will post more as the responses roll in. But before you read them...Tell me your thoughts about dating Caucasian men if you are an African American Woman. If you are a Caucasian male, please leave a comment also. Anyone is welcome to tell me what is on their mind.

My questions are as follows as my own personal survey:

1- Age, Location

2- When you're out and about, do you take notice of African American women that you find attractive?

3- Would you ever consider consider dating an African American woman? Why? Why Not? What are your reservations about doing it?

4- When do you come across with African American women what is your impression of them as someone of the opposite sex?

5-Do you ever think that African American woman are checking you out?

6- If you have dated an African American woman tell me what that experience was like?

Response #1

LOL well you went and asked the right person these questions …YES I'M Caucasian....
I happen to be partners in a women's swimwear line with an African American female designer so I know a great deal about Black women and only date black women. So I'll try to do your questions by number.

1. I'm 46 and live in Howard Beach Queens

2. Yes I can't keep my eyes off African American women they are absolutely beautiful My ideal woman is about 5'6 125/135 lbs long black hair with a great smile.

3. I recently got out of a relationship with a beautiful young 28 year old lady from Jamaica she was a nursing student here and upon graduating she wanted to return to Boston to be a nurse at a hospital there where her mom was a head nurse so with great difficulty we split up..Of course its more complicated but I’m not going to bore you with all the details ...

4.My impression of them is that they are very down to earth and honest you usually know where you stand I personally love sassy women..

5.Yes at times in certain places i notice some black women check me out especially at the fashion shows we attend..

6. In my lifetime I've dated 5 African American women and I can not say a bad word about any of them they were all unique and fantastic...

Response #2

Well I found your post very interesting, and I would love to hear the responses you get. Either way, here are mine:
1- Age, Location
35 - Huntington, NY

2- When you're out and about, do you take notice of African American women that you find attractive?
Absolutely. Things I notice most, regardless of skin color, are eyes, hair, and smile (if I am lucky enough to get one )

3- Would you ever consider dating an African American woman? Why? Why Not? What are your reservations about doing it?

Yes. The things that are most important, are chemistry and personality. What makes a woman attractive is how she carries herself, and what keeps me anyway is intelligence and humor.

4- When do you come across with African American woman what is your impression of them as someone of the opposite sex?
The same as any other member of the opposite sex. If they are pretty, I look for a smile and see if they make
eye contact
5-Do you ever think that African American woman are checking you out?
Sometimes.

6- If you have dated an African American woman tell me what that experience was like?
I have not, my aunt (adopted) and my cousin are african american though. Growing up I always thought they were the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I never really thought anything about it. I guess I grew somewhat sheltered. My cousin is brilliant, and an accomplished ballerina. They both have a grace about them that I have always admired.

Response #3

I'm a 50-year old man on the upper west side of Manhattan. When I'm out, I do indeed notice African American women. In fact, I personally find them extremely attractive and sexy, perhaps more so than Caucasian women. I have no compunctions about dating African American women -- and, in fact, have done so in the past: I have had two black girlfriends, both of whom were wonderful and exciting women; we had lots of common interests I'm not certain that black women are checking me out more than white women would, but I’m sure they have --especially when I am checking them out..

I just wanted to post these three responses for now as I hope to receive a few more that have more lenghty responses. Don't worry ladies and gents I will certianly get some responses from younger age ranges lol It's interesting to hear what the older crowd thinks because interracial dating wasn't as "acceptable." Overall all, every male who responded to the survey are definately interested in dating African American women. However, I'm sure there are a few who think otherwise...I'll be sure to report what I find ok.

Please share your experiences and thoughts on interracial dating!! Have you done it? What led you to date someone from that racial group? Would you consider doing it? Why? Or Why Not?

Thanks for Reading!

Just_Wondering

The Special Invitation

2009-06-18T17:43:00.024-04:00

Hey Bloggers and Visitors,

I know its really been a long long time lol I told you guys I'd only post if I felt inspired and here I am filled with inspiration ready to burst out. I'm hoping people will still swing by and check my page out. If not it's quite alright. I'm happy to have my own little space here where I can share with whoever may pass by.

So this post is about a Special Invitation that I made to someone very important in my life. Nope it's not My Mama, My Dad, My Sisters, or my beloved friends. It's Jesus!! I invited him into my heart and my life when I was 17. I will be honest with you I didn't read his love letter (please click for my previous post on the love letter)to me more consistently until I got older. But boy ohhhh boy, through Jesus I was able to find peace and joy that no man or woman on this earth could ever give to me. I'm happy people! Even when things get hard I know that I have a friend in Jesus who led me to a lastly relationship with God. Maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe you think I'm this girl on a spiritual high that lives in some la la land! lol But I'm telling you God is real! He listens, he is faithful and he loves you. I've been through ups and downs and okay and golden times. Through all of it God was ALWAYS there for me.

Anywho, I found this little booklet in between my books the other day about what it means to invite Christ into your heart...I thought is was excellent and wanted you to read it. It may seem super long but it's worth reading. So take a deep breath and read on!!!! lol

My Heart........Christ's Home

Written by Robert Boyd Munger

If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." [John 14:23, NIV]

One evening I invited Jesus Christ into my heart. What an entrance He made! It was not a spectacular, emotional thing, but very real. Something happened at the very center of my life. He came into the darkness of my heart and turned on the light. He built a fire on the hearth and banished the chill. He started music where there had been stillness, and He filled the emptiness with His own loving, wonderful fellowship. I have never regretted opening the door to Christ and I never will.In the joy of this new relationship I said to Jesus Christ, "Lord, I want this heart of mine to be Yours. I want to have You settle down here and be perfectly at home. Everything I have belongs to You. Let me show You around."

The Study

The first room was the study - the library. In my home this room of the mind is a very small room with very thick walls. But it is a very important room. In a sense, it is the control room of the house. He entered with me and looked around at the books in the bookcase, the magazines upon the table, the pictures on the walls. As I followed His gaze I became uncomfortable.Strangely, I had not felt self-conscious about this before, but now that He was there looking at these things I was embarrassed. Some books were there that His eyes were too pure to behold. On the table were a few magazines that a Christian had no business reading. As for the pictures on the walls - the imaginations and thoughts of the mind - some of these were shameful.

Red-faced, I turned to Him and said, "Master, I know that this room needs to be cleaned up and made over. Will You help me make it what it ought to be?""Certainly!" He said. "I'm glad to help you. First of all, take all the things that you are reading and looking at which are not helpful, pure, good and true, and throw them out! Now put on the empty shelves the books of the Bible. Fill the library with Scripture and meditate on it day and night. As for the pictures on the walls, you will have difficulty controlling these images, but I have something that will help." He gave me a full-size portrait of Himself. "Hang this centrally," He said, "on the wall of the mind."

I did, and I have discovered through the years that when my thoughts are centered upon Christ Himself, His purity and power cause impure thoughts to back away. So He has helped me to bring my thoughts under His control.

The Dining Room

From the study we went into the dining room, the room of appetites and desires. I spent a lot of time and hard work here trying to satisfy my wants.I said to Him, "This is a favorite room. I am quite sure You will be pleased with what we serve."He seated Himself at the table with me and asked, "What is on the menu for dinner?" "Well," I said, "my favorite dishes: money, academic degrees and stocks, with newspaper articles of fame and fortune as side dishes." These were the things I liked - secular fare.

When the food was placed before Him, He said nothing, but I observed that He did not eat it. I said to Him, "Master, don't You care for this food? What is the trouble?"He answered, "I have food to eat that you do not know of. If you want food that really satisfies you, do the will of the Father. Stop seeking your own pleasures, desires, and satisfaction. Seek to please Him. That food will satisfy you."There at the table He gave me a taste of the joy of doing God's will. What flavor! There is no food like it in all the world. It alone satisfies.

The Living Room

From the dining room we walked into the living room. This room was intimate and comfortable. I liked it. It had a fireplace, overstuffed chairs, a sofa, and a quiet atmosphere.He said, "This is indeed a delightful room. Let us come here often. It is secluded and quiet, and we can fellowship together."Well, as a young Christian I was thrilled. I couldn't think of anything I would rather do than have a few minutes with Christ in close companionship.He promised, "I will be here early every morning. Meet me here, and we will start the day together."So morning after morning, I would come downstairs to the living room. He would take a book of the Bible from the case. We would open it and read together. He would unfold to me the wonder of God's saving truths. My heart sang as He shared the love and the grace He had toward me. These were wonderful times.

However, little by little, under the pressure of many responsibilities, this time began to be shortened. Why, I'm not sure. I thought I was too busy to spend regular time with Christ. This was not intentional, you understand. It just happened that way. Finally, not only was the time shortened, but I began to miss days now and then. Urgent matters would crowd out the quiet times of conversation with Jesus.I remember one morning rushing downstairs, eager to be on my way. I passed the living room and noticed that the door was open.Looking in, I saw a fire in the fireplace and Jesus was sitting there. Suddenly in dismay I thought to myself, "He is my guest. I invited Him into my heart! He has come as my Savior and Friend, and yet I am neglecting Him."I stopped, turned and hesitantly went in. With downcast glance, I said, "Master, forgive me. Have You been here all these mornings?""Yes," He said, "I told you I would be here every morning to meet with you. Remember, I love you. I have redeemed you at great cost. I value your fellowship. Even if you cannot keep the quiet time for your own sake, do it for mine."

The truth that Christ desires my companionship, that He wants me to be with Him and waits for me, has done more to transform my quiet time with God than any other single fact. Don't let Christ wait alone in the living room of your heart, but every day find time when, with your Bible and in prayer, you may be together with Him.

The Workroom

Before long, He asked, "Do you have a workroom in your home?" Out in the garage of the home of my heart I had a workbench and some equipment, but I was not doing much with it. Once in a while I would play around with a few little gadgets, but I wasn't producing anything substantial.I led Him out there. He looked over the workbench and said, "Well, this is quite well furnished. What are you producing with your life for the Kingdom of God?" He looked at one or two little toys that I had thrown together on the bench and held one up to me.

"Is this the sort of thing you are doing for others in your Christian life?""Well," I said, "Lord, I know it isn't much, and I really want to do more, but after all, I don't seem to have strength or skill to do more.""Would you like to do better?" He asked."Certainly," I replied."All right. Let me have your hands. Now relax in me and let my Spirit work through you. I know that you are unskilled, clumsy and awkward, but the Holy Spirit is the Master Workman, and if He controls your hands and your heart, He will work through you." Stepping around behind me and putting His great, strong hands under mine, He held the tools in His skilled fingers and began to work through me.

The Rec Room

He asked me if I had a rec room where I went for fun and fellowship. I was hoping He would not ask about that. There were certain associations and activities that I wanted to keep for myself.One evening when I was on my way out with some of my buddies, He stopped me with a glance and asked, "Are you going out?"I replied, "Yes.""Good," He said, "I would like to go with you.""Oh," I answered rather awkwardly. "I don't think, Lord Jesus, that You would really enjoy where we are going. Let's go out together tomorrow night. Tomorrow night we will go to a Bible class at church, but tonight I have another appointment.""I'm sorry," He said. "I thought that when I came into your home, we were going to do everything together, to be close companions. I just want you to know that I am willing to go with you.""Well," I mumbled, slipping out the door, "we will go someplace together tomorrow night."

That evening I spent some miserable hours. I felt rotten. What kind of friend was I to Jesus, deliberately leaving Him out of my life, doing things and going places that I knew very well He would not enjoy?When I returned that evening, there was a light in His room, and I went up to talk it over with Him. I said, "Lord, I have learned my lesson. I know now that I can't have a good time without You. From now on, we will do everything together."Then we went down into the rec room of the house. He transformed it. He brought new friends, new excitement, new joys. Laughter and music have been ringing through the house ever since.

The Hall Closet

One day I found Him waiting for me at the door. An arresting look was in His eye. As I entered, He said to me, "There is a peculiar odor in the house. Something must be dead around here. It's upstairs. I think it is in the hall closet."As soon as He said this, I knew what He was talking about. There was a small closet up there on the hall landing, just a few feet square. In that closet, behind lock and key, I had one or two little personal things that I did not want anyone to know about. Certainly, I did not want Christ to see them. I knew they were dead and rotting things left over from the old life. I wanted them so for myself that I was afraid to admit they were there.Reluctantly, I went up with Him, and as we mounted the stairs the odor became stronger and stronger. He pointed to the door. I was angry. That's the only way I can put it. I had given Him access to the library, the dining room, the living room, the workroom, the rec room, and now He was asking me about a little two-by-four closet. I said to myself, "This is too much. I am not going to give Him the key.""Well," He said, reading my thoughts, "if you think I'm going to stay up here on the second floor with this smell, you are mistaken. I will go out on the porch."

Then I saw Him start down the stairs.When one comes to know and love Christ, the worst thing that can happen is to sense Him withdrawing His fellowship. I had to give in."I'll give You the key," I said sadly, "but You will have to open the closet and clean it out. I haven't the strength to do it.""Just give me the key," He said. "Authorize me to take care of that closet and I will."With trembling fingers I passed the key to Him. He took it, walked over to the door, opened it, entered, took out all the putrefying stuff that was rotting there, and threw it away. Then He cleaned the closet and painted it. It was done in a moment's time. Oh, what victory and release to have that dead thing out of my life!

Transferring the Title

A thought came to me. "Lord, is there any chance that You would take over the management of the whole house and operate it for me as You did that closet? Would You take the responsibility to keep my life what it ought to be?"His face lit up as He replied, "I'd love to! That is what I want to do. You cannot be a victorious Christian in your own strength. Let me do it through you and for you. That is the way. But," He added slowly, "I am just a guest. I have no authority to proceed, since the property is not mine."Dropping to my knees, I said, "Lord, You have been a guest and I have been the host. From now on I am going to be the servant. You are going to be the owner and Master."Running as fast as I could to the strongbox, I took out the title deed to the house describing its assets and liabilities, location and situation. I eagerly signed the house over to Him alone for time and eternity. "Here," I said. "Here it is, all that I am and have, forever. Now You run the house. I'll just remain with You as a servant and friend."Things are different since Jesus Christ has settled down and has made His home in my heart.

So if you want to invite Jesus Christ into your heart and you believe that He can lead you to into a life filled with peace and happiness, show you love, get you out of all the seemingly endless amount of emptiness, sadness in your life, even struggles you are fighting...Send him a Special Invitation....Trust me he'll show up...You just have to ask him....He's Waiting...Ask Him to come.....

Thanks for Reading!!!!!

Just_Wondering

The Other Woman

2009-04-12T14:47:00.006-04:00

As Brittney and Kevin arrived at the restaurant, Brittney was really excited about spending time with this amazing man she had met six months ago. Things have been going extremely well and he seemed to be such a great match for her. The only thing that she just can’t get past is Kevin’s friendship with this woman who has been in his life for the last 5 years. They’ve always been very close, and Kevin has assured her that there is certainly nothing going on between them. However, she can’t help but think if there’s more hidden under the surface. Is it really possible for them to talk and have spent all this time together without there being any sparks flying? It’s not something she dwells on, but from time to time when he makes references to her during conversations she can’t help but think about it. They even spend more than 45mins chatting on the phone. Is it fair to ask him to limit the time he spends with her if they have been dating exclusively?

Are her concerns valid?

What do you think she should do?

Kevin has been dating this wonderful sexy woman for the past six months and has to admit that things have been going well. The only thing that he notices is that she tends to either get a bit quiet or changes the subject whenever he mentions his friend Sandra. Now Sandra has been his friend for quite sometime and many say that women and men can’t be friends but nothing has ever happened between them and he doesn’t want to ignore or throw away the friendship he has with her just because he’s with Brittney now. If anything, Sandra helps him whenever he may have an issue with Brittney and she gives him a wealth of great advice on a lot of life’s challenges. Sandra has helped him get through some tough times in his life and he appreciates her friendship. Kevin doesn’t think that anything should have to change when he has a girlfriend. Sandra is just a friend and that’s that…..

What would you do if you were Kevin?

Would you change anything?

Does anything have to change when you’re exclusively dating someone and you have friends of the opposite sex?

Thanks For Reading!! Please tell me your thoughts! :-D

Just_Wondering

The Love Letter- The Purpose of the Bible

2009-04-04T12:42:00.008-04:00

Have you ever been in a position when you found an old envelope and in it was a letter from someone who loved you. It could have been an old crush or a best friend who moved away or a relative. You may have read it a couple of times and gave it gave you fond memories of your relationship with them. But somehow the letter got lost in the mix and although you cherished the relationship in your heart, you never picked up that letter again to refresh your memory. Well I’ve had a love letter that someone wrote to me that was always accessible, yet it was tucked under a pile of other stuff. Every time I opened this letter it would remind me of my first love. The other day someone asked me about that love letter, what it meant to me and about the person who wrote it. This is what I wrote about my first love his name is God.

Twelve years ago I was introduced to my first love. I remember when he asked me out I wasn’t sure if I believe everything he had to offer. So he wrote me a love letter and as time progressed I would read it over and over and spend time with him and I realized that his Love Letter wasn’t just for me. That love letter was the Bible. The Bible from my personal perspective is God’s love letter to humanity. Why a Love Letter you ask? Well because when you write a love letter to someone you truly care about, you take the time to formulate something that expresses what is truly is in your heart. It’s not random, it’s not empty, and it’s not careless. Rather it is filled with purpose, it’s filled with love and compassion which is straight from the heart. It’s real, almost jarring Jer 23:29 to hear just how much someone really cares for you even when they are trying to reach out to you or they are apart from you. It also has a beginning and an end. And when you finish reading that love letter, you know just where you stand with regards with how that person feels about you. Sometimes you find out things you never knew before. There’s nothing left for you to worry about because you have a sense of confidence, a sense of revelation that you never felt before. You really truly know your place in that person’s heart.

So the creator, all Mighty God, of this universe, heaven, the earth, and humanity had to find a way to help us get to know about who He is, why He created everything, and just how much he cares about us. The Bible is the source of all information about life in the past, present and future. It is our way of becoming acquainted with God. It is not just a book, it’s not a story, and it’s not just history. It’s real to those who believe in God and know that the words on the pages are His words (Ps 119:89)

When you get a love letter do you ever notice how much it reveals about the person who wrote it and how you’d like to read it over and over and over again so that the words can remain in your heart. Ps 119:11 Well that’s another purpose of the Bible. God gave His word to mankind so that we would turn the pages and read about his character, learn about his plan to rescue us (because when you’re loved by someone they are saving you from being alone, uncared for, or suffering Jn 8:51 ) for the things he knows that will hurt the ones he truly loves. That letter also expresses the role you play in that person’s life. So the Bible is a means of finding out how God wants mankind to live, how to interact with him and how His love will be extended to others (because lets be real…after you read a love letter you feel so happy and you’d want to share that love with others around you)

Lastly, a love letter keeps your eyes and heart fixed on it’s author Ps 119:105 It inspires, it’s filled with promises from the past, present, and for the future (e.g. Baby I loved you since the day I saw you, the love I have for you will never die, and I hope to love you till the end of my days.. I promise to always be there for you, to take care of you lol) God does a fabulous job of doing all that I just described and much more so that we can develop a wonderful and close relationship with Him. Isa 55:11

References to some of the scriptures I added:

Jeremiah 23:29 “Is not my word like fire,” declares the LORD, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?

John 8:51 I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death.”

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

Psalm 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

Isaiah 55:11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

*************************************************************************************

I'll be honest and say that for many years I thought the bible was a pretty boring book that I had a hard time understanding. Fortunately, with God's help and attending chruch services I've learned a great deal about the love of God and his message. Now I don't know your relationship with God but if you find yourself just wondering about the Bible and what its message is really about but need some help to get you started on your journey I'd like to recommend a wonderful book to you that made everything clear, SUPER easy, and it read like a book. I kid you not it will help anyone from someone who doesn't know anything about God to a person who has had a solid relationship with him for many years. I LOVEEEEE THISSSSSSSSS BOOKKKKK!!!!

The book is called The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus by John R. Cross

The book is a page turner and you will finish totally understanding God message with clarity.

"This fully illustrated, 304-page book is written for adults and teens who know little or nothing about the Bible. It explains in a straightforward way the greatest themes of the Bible, step by step"

You can purchase this book at http://www.goodseed.com/products/str-eng-book/ for only $10. If you're not sure about getting the book you can click on the link that says "FREEebook" and get a sample of the entire book on pdf format. I'd suggest getting the book though! lol If you're not into reading you can watch the video online.

So has anyone heard of this book? If so what did you think?

Do you find yourself having a hard time reading God's Love Letter?

Tell me anything that's on your mind!

Thanks so very much for READING! It feels awesome to be posting something.

Just_Wondering

What is Love?

2009-02-25T20:22:00.002-05:00

Hello Guys,

I recently had a conversation with one of my girlfriends and we were talking about relationships. She made an interesting comment that I thought I should share with everyone to get an idea of how you all feel about it. She said that when people fall in love and you're younger (18-23) you find yourself doing stupid things or being rash. Now I kind of understood what she was saying but then I started to wonder if real true love is really blind where you just feel out of control. I know you may feel like you're on some kind of high when you're in love with someone. However, is there a fine line between love and infatuation, or love and lust. Is love supposed to be a 24hr high where you just don't know what is going on around you?

How do you know you're in Love and if you haven't been in Love, but thought you were, what made you think that it was Love? If you’ve never been in love, how do you think you’ll know?

Tough questions... I know lol However, I wanted to pick your brain as I continue to JustWonder......

Who do you run to in times of trouble?

2009-01-18T18:41:00.004-05:00

Sometimes when people come to me for advice I try my best to listen to their situation and give them my honest opinion about what I think they should do or what I would do in their position. Being that I have friends from different cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs I try my best to be as open minded and respectful of where they may be operating from. But sometimes I tend to leave the conversation wanting to tell them the first thing I do when I have a problem whether big or small.

When I’m annoyed, when I’m pissed to high heaven, when I feel like no one really understands, when no one is listening (no I mean when they really aren’t), when I feel like I’m sad and nothing could lift my spirits, when I’m so hurt and I don’t want people to see me cry when I’m alone in my bed at night, when I’m disappointed, when I’m so confused and nothing seems to be going the way I thought it would….I pray…….

I pray to Almighty God and tell Him all my garbage and release all the weight I’ve been carrying around with me. It’s too darn hard having to worry about every single thing. When I’m stressed out I’m running all kinds or scenarios in my head trying to come up with a solution and then I come up empty. My head feels big and I feel like I’m out of control. I even have re-occurring dreams that usually demonstrate that I’m trying to take hold of a difficult situation and I JUST cant do it…I lose control. These are the feelings I’d get in the past and I’ve gotten much better as I gotten closer to God.

God and I… we’re like milk and cookies, the sun taking comfort in the sky, sand and the water, words on the pages of a book, a key to a lock! I’m going to stop there because I’m sure you get the point lol I don’t go anywhere without Him, I know he’s listening to me, we’ve had this love affair for quite some time and the bond we have is getting stronger and stronger as each day passes. Sometimes I get a little ahead of myself and think I could handle my issues on my own but then when the burden gets to heavy I drop that load of drama at his feet lol He knows just what to do with it. He has control over everything to do with me and the world around me. It makes me sleep better at night and I know things are being taken care of. I have faith….Faith in God is what gets me through the good times and the bad times.

So you see sometimes my first instinct is to tell someone to pray about their woes, their situation, or their sickness that seems to be too much to handle. I tell them what I do....I feel like when you pray God is already on the job even before you finish talking to him. It doesn’t even have to be something long and elaborate. You just have to believe that he’ll will come through for you and speak to him like you would your best friend. He wants people to run to him like a child who looks for comfort from a parent after falling down and getting hurt. So that’s what I do….But I realize that many people can’t fathom believing in someone that they can’t see. God doesn’t seem real to them or people are afraid of religion. Religion is really a topic people tend to stay away from.

So I wanted to ask everyone…

Do you find that talking about religion and your beliefs is taboo?

Why do you feel like it may be a topic that people don’t want to discuss?

Do you feel like there is power in prayer and that God will answer, or the idea of believing in God is ridiculous?

When you have a problem who do you turn to first? When you feel like you’re heart is heavy and you feel like no one would understand who can you possibly tell? Who do you turn to?

My Final Answer...To Blog or Not to Blog

2009-01-07T20:01:00.005-05:00

Below you'll find the answer to my question regarding whether or not I should continue to blog. I did my respond in a form of a video. I hope you enjoy watching and that you'll find my babbling entertaining lol

Please Click on the Link Below to Watch The Video:

Just Wondering's Message

Thanks For Watching!

Just_Wondering

What Should I do??

2008-12-31T15:28:00.002-05:00

Hey Guys,

It's me again!!

I need everyone's help. When I started this blog I was super excited about people giving me feed back regarding everything that was floating around in my head. As time progressed, I really did enjoy reading everyone's comments and giving you some interesting topics to Wonder about as well.

However, I feel like I haven't given my all into blogging. There are blogs out there that I'd love to visit consistently and want to support but I just don't have the time to comment. I tend to feel guilty about that. I also think the blog would do so much better if I was posting at least 2-3 times a week or everyday! I love those people who can actually post every single day.

So I was thinking that I should take a break and re-group or take the page down all together. I want to reach people but I can't do it if I'm not putting my all into it.

What do you guys think I should do? If anyone is even out there reading hahahaha

I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you so very very much for supporting my venture!!!

Let's find out what the New Year will bring!

Just_Wondering

Same vs Different

2008-12-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone!

It's been a while since I've posted on my blog and I guess because I wanted a mini break! Hahahaha I also had a few things going on that needed more of my attention.

So I decided to do something quick and straight to the point so that you guys can get back into the feel of my blog here lol

So here's what I've been wondering about that I wanted to ask you all about. I was thinking about the people I find myself most attracted to when it comes to relationships. I thought to myself "Self, lol do I want a man who is similar to me in terms of interest and personality. Or am I more attracted to someone is different or should I say the opposite of who I am?" I mean really think about it. Based on the men/woman you've dated or who you find super attractive on the inside lol Is it based or similarities or differences?

Hit me up with some responses!

I'm happy to be getting back into the groove again. I hope people swing by like they used to hahahaha

PS: If you see any grammatical errors or misspelled words..Forgive Me! I'm posting from my phone ;-)

Just_Wondering

Measure of a Man Part 3

2008-11-24T14:02:00.010-05:00

So I finally bring to you Part 3 of the Measure of a Man series. To do a litte recap Measure of a Man (MoM) Part 1 covered the idea of whether or not women's standards were too high or too low. In MoM Part 2, I asked everyone where does a man fit into an "independent woman's" life? I also asked the males what role they think they play in a woman's life.

As I received a lot of responses from females, I wanted to find out more about the male's perspective. So I interviewed 3 men within my social circle and posed the same questions I asked everyone to respond to. Below you will find their responses.I also asked about their role as a spiritual leader of the household as they all are Christians.

*Special Thanks To These Gentlemen For Allowing Me To Post Their Responses Thanks So Very Much For Being Open and Honest!!*

So please take some time to read and tell me your thoughts about:

Mr. Realistic, Mr. Average Joe, Mr. Ambitious

I think that most independent woman have set their standards too high. They fail to aim for realistic expectations. I say this because I feel that although they want this charming, sexy, articulate man with a job, along with all these other great qualities, in the end they don’t in fact posses a lot of those same qualities. Simply put, I think that the things on her list needs to be things she possesses. If she has any shortcomings, than he is allowed to have them as well. For example, if a “white collar” woman dates a “blue collar” man, she has to remember that this is the man she chose to be with. If he desires to get to that “white collar” status, it must be on his on accord not because of the pressures from a nagging wife/girlfriend. I feel like that woman is only trying to satisfy her own selfish ambitions. Some woman always seem to want more…..they aren’t satisfied with what they have because they have climbed up the success ladder.

Some of the things that I feel I can offer to an independent woman include spirituality, my education, someone with a job, compassion, patience, laughter, and another perspective to life and it challenges. What a man can offer is dependent on what he actually has within himself. You can’t give what you do not posses. What I have to offer also depends on the woman’s moral compass.

I understand my role as a spiritual leader mostly in theory as I have little to no practice with the knowledge that I have acquired. My theories need to be put into practice in order for me to become a valuable candidate for my prospective mate. I feel that being the head of the household encompasses spiritual, social, and economical aspects. Most men focus on the monetary aspect of providing however, God wants the man to be mindful of his spiritual life along with his family then the other necessities will be fulfilled. The real question that most men should ask themselves is, “What role does God play in your life and does God have an active influence on the decisions you make ?"

I don’t think it’s a question of standards being too high or too low…..I think that people (Christians) are moving away from God and are putting what they see in the world above what God thinks they actually deserve. Sometimes what you think you should have is not really want you need. God knows what you need, so He will give you what you deserve.

I understand my role as head of the household and I know that it does not only have the main focus on providing financially. If you look at the definition of the word “provide” it in fact includes financial, spiritual, emotional, and much more. I think that a lot of people hear the word “provide” and think it only on a financial level.

I feel that I can offer the independent woman confidence by presenting myself as someone who can communicate and make great conversation. I feel that I can appeal to a woman by finding ways to make her smile, make her happy, it’s all in how you treat the woman that you’re with. I think a woman can appreciate the things that you do by treating her well. There are things men can offer that does not necessarily require large amounts of money. A lot of men feel if they don’t have a lot of money in their pockets, they can’t appeal to the independent woman. They let their egos get in the way, or they set their motives on taking from that woman. Not a lot of men have the confidence in approaching these types of woman because woman’s standards are high, or they’ve heard the same ole game from way too many men and don’t think they will be successful.

I feel that women who are very successful, making more money and is with men who are not of equal measure, may eventually feel that their he’s not man enough to rise to her level. For example, a friend of mine was dating a guy and they were living together. He was a hard worker and did everything he could financially and emotionally to support his girl while she got her degree in nursing. Once she got her degree she left the guy and when I asked her why, she said “Because he was not doing anything!” It was as if her level of education brought her to a higher level and now she had forgotten all the things he had done for her along the way. I think that a lot people rush into relationships never discussing what they expect from each other. This causes problems within the relationship later on. If you talk about what you want and what you expect from each other, chances are you’ll be able to avoid making a lot of mistakes.

My role as a man in an independent woman’s world does not change even though she’s “an independent woman.” As a man I have a certain responsibility to provide, protect and be the spiritual leader. What I have to offer doesn’t take away from a woman and I would certainly consult with her in order to make decisions. She too has a role to fulfill within the household. I learned my role as the spiritual leader from things that I was taught growing up, and reading the bible.

I feel like you can’t set your standards too high but you have to be realistic. I think that everyone should shoot for someone at their level or a bit higher so that person can bring you up to theirs. Being realistic means that I’m not trying to go for Beyonce but someone who is on my level. I feel that women who have a long list of items they want should break it down to having five top things that they absolutely must have in a potential mate. Instead of looking at the little things that the guy has to have, you should focus on the big picture. So if you meet a man and he fulfills those top 5 things, you should get to know him better so that you can find out if there are other things you like fall into place. By doing that you’re not by passing someone who may be a good match for you. Especially if you’re looking at all these little things. If the guy doesn’t meet up to your top five must haves then keep it moving.

I feel that money plays a role in relationships as many marriages breakup because of financial difficulties. So it’s better to be on the same level, therefore if a man is working and he’s making good money he can afford to not think about every penny being spent. Some women have that same level of comfort. She doesn’t have to worry if she has enough to go out for dinner, or to book a vacation because she has the money. So those two people would have the similar views about money.

Being in the profession that I am people can figure out how much money you make in addition to the fact that you own property. I don’t usually tell woman about how much money I make or about the company I run because that’s my business. Although one woman was very crafty in asking some indirect yet direct questions regarding my finances (e.g. what interest rate did you get for your mortgage, what’s your credit score) I tend to not bring up the topic of money during conversations. I’m always leery of new people and that’s why I would prefer to date someone who knew when I didn’t have everything I have now. Although that’s not always possible. If I meet someone new I keep all finaincial information to myself until things get a lot more serious.

I lead a very busy life and have a full schedule because I have a regular job and I have my own company. I don’t have much time during the weekdays and I need a woman who understands that. I want a woman who is independent and ambitious because I’m ambitious also. The woman that I’d want in my life can’t be needy. She can’t be the type of woman that requires that I give her lots of attention, wanting to spend hours conversing on the phone and quality time together has to work around my schedule. I can’t fathom sitting and watching tv together for hours when I know I could use that time to return emails, phone calls, do chores around the house and yard. My girl can certainly come over and chill at my crib but she has to know that I’ll be doing other things.

So what did you learn from reading their thoughts? Did anything surprise you?

Their Stats:

Mr. Average Joe: African American, 28yrs old, some college

Mr. Realistic: African American, 29yrs old, Bachelors Degree

Mr. Ambitious: African American, 31yrs old, Bachelors & Masters Degree

When someone uses the wrong word?

2008-11-16T17:06:00.008-05:00

Hello Everyone,

I'm working on Part 3 of "Measure of a Man" and hopefully you'll all enjoy the read before we all move on to more great topics lol.

I wanted to ask you guys your thoughts about something. I'm a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) so it's in my nature to always pay attention to how a person communicates and how they speak. I'm sorry but it's not something I can turn off. It's my profession and I'm always "working" even when I'm not at work. LOL

So the other day I was having a conversation with a friend of a friend and they used the wrong word over and over again during the converstation. I felt so strongly about telling the person the correct word, but I didn't want to embarrass them. I left the converstation thinking about what the person said wrong and I almost felt it was my duty as a SLP to find a way to inform them of it because I could not fathom it being said again with someone else.

I just wondered what you do when this happens?

Do you let the person go on with out being corrected knowing that they will say it again and again and again? lolol

Who have you corrected, how did they respond when you told them, and would you want someone to correct you?

Just_Wondering about what you'd do in my shoes......

PS: I may start a funny series of stories as an SLP working with my kiddies (3-5 year olds)

Measure of A Man Part 2

2008-11-02T15:50:00.004-05:00

So I’m sure you all noticed that the “Measure of a Man” post below happens to be Part 1 and there has to be a Part 2. To be honest I didn’t know what that would be until today. I wanted to get everyone’s responses, then ponder on what the next part would be so check it out.

As I go through my life, I often wonder how much of what I want is really what I want. Are these desires stemming from within me or is society, my culture, my parents, or my religion pushing me into things I’d want for my life. I’m a spiritual person and I talk to God about everything. I wonder what He wants me to do with my life, how He’d like me to live it, how I affect the people around me, and most importantly I just want a relationship with Him so that He can work through me so that way He gets all the credit. But this journey of mine with God is a process and things are revealed to me one step at a time. So for me I want to make sure that me and God are on the same page.

So let me get to the point... lol After reading everyone’s comment, I wondered about what role men really play in a woman’s life these days. I mean, I’m one of four girls and my Dad raised us to be independent and focused on reaching our goals. Where does a man fit into this entire idea of I’m “independent…I don’t need anyone to help me…I can get the house the car all on my own and a career going....thank you very much!” Not to say that we should be depending on a man for any material things. I'm not talking to superficial woman right now. I'm talking to those who have reached or is working towards reaching all their career goals, maybe the material things that you know you want etc....

Where does a man fit in?? Let me be the Male species’ advocate and ask the ladies:

What role would you want a man to play in your life?

Forget about your list of expectations and standards for one second…

Tell me why you feel the desire to have a man in your life?? Not that I’m saying that you NEED one lol But why is it a desire of yours to have someone in your life and where did that desire come from? Be honest now!

As for those Men out there don’t think I’m leaving you out. I want you to answer this question:

What role do you think you play in a woman’s life?

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this!

Measure of A Man Part 1

2008-10-26T16:11:00.010-04:00

A friend of mine went the gym the other day and she happened to have a conversation with a fellow gym goer about men, women, and dating. It struck me as very interesting conversation so I decided to post a question to you all.

So the topic of discussion was how women have failed in keeping our standards high causing us to settle for less when it comes to men that we choose to be in a relationship with.

His Stats: Mr. Gym goer was described as an African American in his late 30s early 40s, married with two children 2year old and 7years old. He stated that he was at the gym trying to keep himself together and physically fit even though his time is very limited.

Her Stats: African American in her late 20s, single and goes to the gym to stay fit and be healthy.

His Statement:

“If all women were to increase their standards in terms of what they wanted in a mate then men would have no choice but to reach those standards.” The key word in his statement is ALL women not some…but ALL!

Her Statement:

“But not every woman has the same standards. If my standards are set 20 feet above average I may be all by myself. Some men may not want to meet my standards because they are set to high”

His Statement:

“But that’s why women shouldn’t settle for a Joe Shmo from around the way. If the guy is not ambitious, aspiring to do more with his life or trying to meet goals then that man won’t do anything within a relationship. Especially if you’re saying you’re comfortable settling for less. Women have to make men work harder! If all women do it then they wouldn’t have a choice.”

Her Statement:

“I understand what you are trying to say but many of the men women encounter today don’t even know where to begin in order to meet the minimal standards. So women find themselves setting low expectations, hoping that it will produce higher results. The sad part about having low expectations is that you end up settling for less when you should be getting so much more. I feel that there are so much more Joe Shomos out there doing less then those who are above average in meeting my standards.

So I ask you all out there what do you think?

Do you think that Women are setting low standards and if so do you think that men will rise to higher expectations if the standards were to increase?

Are woman asking for too much?

Men please Speak up! lol

Hit me up with a comment! I want to hear when you have to say on this topic.

Picture Perfect

2008-10-19T18:21:00.004-04:00

Have you ever thought about how you would meet the love of your life...I mean I know many don't sit and ponder on these things but if you could have created the instance in which you crossed paths with the person you would be spending the rest of your life with, when, where, and under what circumstances would it be? Crossing the street, at the local supermarket, shopping for a gift at the mall, at your favorite restaurant.....The possibilities are endless....

Here’s my little scene:

After finishing an entire roll of film in my camera I happen to go to the photo shop I often frequent for many years to develop my prints. I also was very excited to pick up the prints I had dropped off last week. I love this little shop because they do an impeccable job and the owner knows exactly what I want. As I walk into the shop, I realized the sweet elderly owner Mr. Jacobs wasn’t behind the counter. I ring the bell resting by my hand and said,

“Hello…is anyone back there!” A voice responded saying,

“Oh sorry!! I’ll be right out, I’m just in the middle of something. If you call out your name I’d be glad to find your prints on my way back out there!”

So I did as the voice requested and began to look at the enlarged prints on the walls of the shop that all seemed to speak to me. Mr. Jacobs work was amazing and I always wondered how I could capture the same shots…I continued to look not knowing that Mr.Voice had come over to the counter and said…

“Oh, that print in the corner, I love that one the most. The woman in the picture seemed so at ease and her sense of joy appears to jump out at you.”

I replied, “Well you’re right about that, but don’t you think the shot needs a little more lighting.”

Mr. Voice replied, “Absolutely not…I think the entire shot is flawless with just the right amount of lighting, which accentuates the woman’s natural beauty. I’ve always thought My Grandfather did an amazing job on that picture”

My mind wondered a million thoughts as I stood there a few seconds longer looking at the picture. I was very taken by the comments he had made…..It was at that point that I broke my trance. I turned around to meet Mr. Voice’s gaze who had just revealed himself as Mr. Jacob’s grandson.

There behind that counter stood a 6’0 foot tall, milk chocolate man, with a medium build. As I put a face to the voice… I uttered the words,

“Actually, Mr. Jacobs didn’t take that shot…I did….”

That my friends is the very beginning to what I could imagine to have met the love of my life. The story includes my passion for a lost hobby of mine, a common thirst for capturing a moment in time, and my interest peaked by words before anything else.

Alas although it is a fantasy….I know that the real life event will be remembered as something flawless because it was orchestrated by God.

So tell me…If you could…When..Where..and under what circumstances would you want to meet the love of your life. Please do share no matter how ridiculous you may think it sounds lol

Thanks for reading!

Who is looking back at you in the Mirror?

2008-10-05T18:29:00.005-04:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to tell your friend/family member/girlfriend/boyfriend something about their personality that isn’t the nicest?

It’s a very hard task to say to someone…

“You’re so negative..”

“You have so much going for yourself but you’re ungrateful for the things you have.”

“You can’t be independent…you always seem to need my help even if the task is simple.”

“You never say thank you”

“You complain too much….way too much”

“You don’t make an effort to spend time with me”

“I feel like everyone else in your life is important and I’m at the bottom of your list” “You’re never encouraging”

“You’re impatient”

“You always have to be right..”

“You never listen to me….”

“You’re judgmental”

“You’re selfish”

“You’re not making an effort to make things work”

“You’re self centered”

“You’re not sensitive to my situation”

I’ve told someone some of these things and it didn’t turn out very well. I had so many concerns that I didn’t share that it was dumped on the person all at the same time. I was essentially asking for a complete personality change, which wouldn’t be fair to either of us. So it ended there. I walked away leaving the lasting impression being all the things that I didn’t like and I wonder if those things were ever addressed after so many years.

Sometimes these personality traits are unbearable and you feel like after some time it’s something that has to be said. Once the cat is out of the bag…you find yourself with someone who gets so angry they never make any changes at all…. Or they make changes to make you feel better or for themselves to feel better but essentially the change is short lived. Lastly, there’s the person that is willing to change for the better for themselves and the future of their relationships.

So tell me have you ever been in a situation where you’ve had to tell someone something about their personality? How did you do it? How did it end up?

Has anyone told you about something about your personality? How did you feel when it happened? Did you eventually make any changes?

What If.........

2008-09-28T16:36:00.005-04:00

"There's a cute guy who happens to get on the elevator on the 6th floor when I go to lunch around 1:15pm..he's always with a client or with a group of people...."

"Wow every time I see that guy at the library he seems so focused on his school work and I find that really attractive."

"There's a girl who comes into the bookstore where I work who takes my breath away every time I see her...but I don't think she'd date a guy like me."

"I've been friends with this woman that I've known for the past 3 years and although I've always found her attractive I don't think she'd ever see me in a romantic way."

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you see someone that has caught your eye but they have no idea you exist….You may see them at the company luncheons because they work in a different department…or a customer that happens to shop on the same days you do at the local supermarket.

So I was wondering what do you do…or should I say what have you done to get someone’s attention. Did you drop that orange hoping they would pick it up and strike up a conversation? Have you ever “appeared” to have a problem so that you could ask them for help?

For the Women I ask: Would you prefer to be approached or wait to be noticed?

For the Man: Do you ever wish that woman would approach you or do you prefer to make the 1st move?

Under The Weather

2008-09-14T12:49:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone,

I'm a bit under the weather so I'm laying in my bed right now typing this post on my phone...So I'm going to keep this short and challenge you with a question that I was wondering about over the weekend.

When you have reached the end of your time here on earth..

What would you want people to remember about you??

What would you hope people would say about you as a person?

Hit me with something to read while I recover!

Thanks for Reading!

Just_Wondering :-)

Moderate Comments

2008-09-07T16:09:00.003-04:00

Hey Guys,

From now on I'll be moderating my comments because random people have recently been posting nonsense on my Blog! So I just wanted to give you a heads up. I really didn't want to do it but I have no choice.

Thanks!

Just_Wondering

**********CHECK OUT TWO NEW POSTS BELOW **********

Choices and Consequences

2008-09-07T14:20:00.002-04:00

Elle had locked herself in the bathroom even though she was all alone in her apartment.. She looked in the mirror and began sobbing uncontrollably. Her mind was reeling and she couldn’t think straight. She lowered herself and sat on the lid of the toilet bowl and stared at the wrappers and the plastic indicators that had all confirmed something she feared would not happen at this stage in her life. She was pregnant……Elle took a total of six home pregnancy tests because as she took the 1^st one to the 5^th one, she was convinced that they were all wrong. How could she have been so stupid, how could she have thought that this couldn’t happen to her. She couldn’t bring herself to leave the bathroom, because if she did…it would mean that the truth would be released into the world. Once she crossed that threshold, she would officially have to be held accountable for her actions and deal with the consequences.

Elle took a piece of toilet paper and wiped her tears away. She slowly collected all the remnants of the pregnancy tests and threw them in the trash. It was time to face reality…she reached for the doorknob…as she turned it…. her heart sank because she had no idea what her life would be like in the next couple of months.

Elle felt alone and scared. She sat on her bed and thought about the past couple of months. You see…Elle had loved her life up until this point. She was in her last year in college, she had tons of friends, and was looking forward to the future. She knew she didn’t really want to be in any serious relationships so she dated whoever caught her eye. Her mind rewinded to a series of images in which she tried to remember when she could have conceived the child she was carrying.

Was it Gerald or Daniel? She had kept both relationships with these men within the last 3-6 months, yet she couldn’t bring herself to break ties with either one. The tears began streaming down her eyes again and she thought “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!!!” This is not what she wanted right now. Why wasn’t she smart enough to have asked them to wear a condom? In the heat of the moment it all just felt so right and so good.

Her plans for the future are forever altered…She had always imagined she’d have children when she married the love of her life. Never did she think that she may be a single mom.

Elle picked up the phone and dialed Gerald’s number……

“Hello, Gerald….We need to talk….Can you come over to my place?”

After speaking to Gerald, who was on his way over, she picked up the phone yet again but this time to dialed Daniel’s number. She’d have to tell Daniel over the phone because he had gone back to North Carolina to finish off his last semester of college.

“Hello Daniel….I’m pregnant…..”

Words From Just Wondering

Over the years I’ve witnessed a few situations in which women have found their lives forever changed because they made the wrong choices about protecting themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unexpected pregnancy.

Have you ever been in this senerio?

In your experience what were some of the reasons why some women in your life who were in this situation didn’t protect themselves?

If you were Elle’s close friend what would you tell her about her situation?

Who Is Just_Wondering?

2008-09-07T13:53:00.005-04:00

Hey Bloggers, Anonymous Commenters, and Lurkers that come and read but are too afraid to comment lol...I just realized that I’ve started this blog roughly 6 months ago! My friend Product Junkie Diva helped me start this entire journey and I’m so happy that she convinced me to do a Blog. I call it my outlet because it gives me an opportunity to share my thoughts on topics I find myself chatting about with my friends and family.

So here’s the deal! I’m going to give you guys the opportunity to ask me questions about whatever you’d like to know (not that I’m all together that exciting) but sometimes its good to tell people a little about yourself so that they can know more about the person behind the Blog. So here is your chance!

Post a question as a comment and I’ll do my best to answer it!

Thanks For Reading and I'm looking foward to your questions (uh oh I'm scared now lol)

Those Words Hurt So Much

2008-09-02T12:02:00.003-04:00

Oh my Goodness…..I said something I shouldn’t have said. How could I have let my anger, my emotions, my pain get the best of me? Why didn’t I just take the time to think about it before the words flew out of my mouth? What do I do now? All I can think about is how she feels right now. What would it be like to hear those words coming out of her mouth?

Words are very powerful…They can build confidence and can also make you feel lower then you’ve ever felt. Words can stay with you and you can hear something hurtful being played in your head over and over again. Someone can trigger a distant memory by mentioning a phrase that can have your mind reeling for the entire day and can also lead to sleepless nights

I said something hurtful two weeks ago to someone that I care about. In that moment when it happened, I couldn’t contain how I was feeling. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone to say what I wanted so I opted to send it via text (something I don’t recommend but under the circumstances I really didn’t want to speak on the phone) So I typed one word after the next as I felt like I was giving birth to a ball of pain. Although I care about this dear friend of mine, I didn’t really take the time to choose my words wisely. I wanted to express one thing….but in turn I communicated something totally different. In the end, my friend was hurt.

See I didn’t know how bad it was until I took a break for a few days because I was hurting too. I prayed about getting my peace back and then thought that it would be best to meet up. When we met up and we talked about everything….Oh My….I really made my friend feel horrible…I did all that I could to fix the problem…I said sorry….I explained my actions….I wish I could take it all back….but I couldn’t.

So I went home thinking about how much my words weigh…How they would have felt if thrown in my direction from someone who I thought cared about me? I wanted to pick up the phone and say that I was sooooooo sorry…over…and over…and over again.

How do you fix the situation when you’ve said something hurtful?

Do you feel you should say sorry just once?

Do you ever try to put yourself in that person’s shoes?

What have you learned after the situation was repaired?

I've been Gone...But Now I'm Back!

2008-09-02T11:41:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone,

Ok I feel horrible because I haven't posted in such a long time! I took a much needed vacation and a mental vacation too. Sometimes when you do so much you don't take the time to slow down...stop...and wonder why you are always running. I went away to Florida for a few days and I thought about so many things about my life and when I came back to made a few changes and set some goals for myself.

So thank you all for reading my blog...Thanks for coming back...Thanks for commenting... Thanks to Amina (you're always the 1st to post lol), Product Junkie Diva, Calming Corners, Marcus, Frugalista Files, Therapeutic Musings, my newbies Laughing808, and Silverback, and my Anonymous Crew that come by whenever I tell them I've posted something new!

I encourage all of you to subscribe to my blog because to be honest I try and post at least once a week but sometimes things get a little crazy on my end. I'm sorry about that, but if you subscribe on the left side of this page you'll be "in the know" about what I've posted asap.

Thanks so much for making this experience so great!

Just_Wondering aka Myriame

Friendships

2008-08-14T08:07:00.002-04:00

I was thinking about my friendships the other day and I’ve noticed that some people have entered my life for a brief moment in time, some friends I’ve had to walk away from, and others have lingered but our relationships have changed a bit because of numerous reasons (e.g. moved away, got married) Whatever the case may be, I realized that with every new friendship I was faced with the opportunity to learn something new about someone and to build a bond with them. Some friends you speak to everyday, others you text back and forth, or you may find yourself meeting up with a friend only once or twice a year even though you live in the same city!! lol

So I thought about my friends of the past, and present just wondering how they all began. What did I see in them that made me want to be friends? What did I do to get things started? If you could tell me the secret to developing a friendship with someone what would those steps be?

Thanks for Reading!

If You Could Stop Time.......

2008-08-10T12:10:00.002-04:00

Vanessa stepped off the plane into Miami International Airport beyond excited! It was her first trip to South Beach and she couldn’t wait to shop, take in the scenery, hangout at the beach (not in the water cause she can’t swim lol) and dance dance dance her way as she enjoyed the nightlife. Her girlfriend Trisha and Trisha’s bestfriend Damon were ready for their four day vacation. Everything was amazing! The hotel, the palm trees, even the hot summer blazing heat was inviting. Nothing….I mean nothing could go wrong during this fun filled getaway. Or so she thought!

On their second day of bliss something happened that made Vanessa wish that she could stop time and find a way to erase everyone’s memories. Something that she wished for just one moment she could roll up into a tiny ball and hide under a rock. What could possibly make her feel this way you ask?? Well then picture this…..

Vanessa, Trisha and Damon were all dressed and ready to go to the beach. Vanessa is not a big fan of the beach because she’s afraid of drowning in the ocean! Homegirl cannot swim and having 10 lessons at the YMCA wouldn’t let that water get past her ankles! Vanessa was also not excited about wearing the bathing suit she had on. You see she was a bit self conscious about being in a bathing suit but she really didn’t have a choice. They chilled on the blanket for a while and talked about life lol well mostly about how lucky they were because they had escaped the hustle and bustle of the NYC metro area where they were from.

Trisha and Damon were DYING to get into the water and somehow coaxed Vanessa into getting her ankles wet! Lol When she got into the water she was terrified! Trisha and Damon were coaxing her into moving deeper and deeper into the ocean where she found herself submerged up to her waist. Vanessa started to feel confident, secure, and fearless!!! She was diving into the waves and she was having a great time…until she came up from one huge wave that seemed to have caused her to lose her footing…however she caught herself and didn’t fall…she stood up and looked around for her friends as they looked to see if she was ok.

Damon looked at her and Vanessa smiled and said

“I’m ok but that was pretty scary!”

He say’s “No it’s not that, um Vanessa you top came off a bit…”

Vanessa looks down and that’s when the world stopped for a second too long. There….in that moment she had wished she could roll up into a tiny ball and hide under a rock…. Her boob had made it’s grand appearance and Damon had to be the person to point it out to her!

HOW EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After that incident she couldn’t help but think “I should have never gone into that WATER!!!!”

I hoped you enjoyed reading that story because it was in fact a true story! Vanessa’s true identity was in fact yours truly when I went to Maimi at 23yrs old….lol Now it has become a distant running joke that I laugh about now !

Have you had any moments when you’ve felt so embarrassed you wanted to stop time?? DO TELL US about it!!!!

Thanks for Reading!!!

Are You Getting Yourself Prepared..?

2008-08-03T20:31:00.003-04:00

….Hey….it’s me…I was thinking…Oh I’m sorry…Here’s an invitation to what I’ve been wondering about lately……Welcome to my thoughts…..I was looking back at my life and to be quite honest I’ve been blessed…I have accomplished most of what I wanted at stage in my life. I got an education; I have a career that I love, and a great place to work... I’m healthy, my family is with me and I have friends…

I was thinking about how I got it all… What did I do….for the most part I realized that I prayed and then got myself prepared for each step I took. When I finished HS I knew I wanted to go to college so I got prepared and made a list of schools I wanted then applied. When I went to class, I learned the material and went home to go back over everything so that I’d be prepared for the exams. I got myself ready, I studied, I researched what I didn’t really know or understand.. right….Well lets keep going…I promise you that I’m getting somewhere with this……I knew I wanted to buy a car someday but first I needed to drive!! I needed to get ready to get on the road before I could officially call myself a driver….I take continuing education courses to make sure that I’m on top of my game to better serve my clients…I start looking up all the information I need in order to invest my money so I could get ready for retirement…

The more I thought about it…the more I realized that I did something to prepare myself for the unknown…for college…for those exams…for that road test...for my monetary investments…. So then I started to wonder…I wondered about the other things I’d like to see happen in my future…marriage…kids…however I began to realize when it comes to something as big as marriage that people aren’t getting themselves prepared….Something that will affect the rest of your life…Something so complicated as falling in love…. Now I used the word complicated because it’s just that…Love and developing a relationship is hard work….Marriage is about two people becoming one…Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to take a course on marriage before you jumped the broom. I know you can’t know everything…but maybe just maybe you could do some research, speak to a few married or divorce couples just to get some insight about the idea of happily ever after (if that is even at all possible cause living in today’s age is no fairytale)

How amazing would it be to know what pitfalls to avoid before you get to them before you get married? How to resolve issues? How to communicate your feelings? Isn’t it ironic that people get themselves prepared in one way or another for a lot of things in life but they don’t get prepared or try to figure out what it would take to have a successful marriage….?

If marriage is on your to do list, is there really anyway to get yourself prepared (and I’m not talking about when you are engaged already…way before that?)

So I ask you this…..

Do you feel like there is a way to get yourself prepared and if so what would you be willing to do to prepare for it? Have you done anything so far? If so what was it?

Why is it that with everything else we are ready to do the research to get ourselves prepared for the unknown…but we often walk into marriage thinking we can take a crash course at the alter…?

A Mundane Morning

2008-07-27T18:40:00.007-04:00

Jeremiah walks into the office like any other Monday just wondering where the weekend had gone. He thought to himself "Wow what the heck did I do all weekend! Wasn't it just friday??" He says Good Morning to his coworkers and settles down in his office to continue working on a special project. After an hour or so, his supervisor, Mr.Richards gives him a call and tells him to come into his office to meet the new accountant that would be working on all the accounts for the company.

Jeremiah tells his supervisor that he'll be right in and saves his work before leaving his desk.

As Jeremiah walks into Mr.Richards' office he sees a woman sitting at the desk from behind. "Oh it's a woman" was the first thought that came to his mind.

Mr.Richards looks up and says, "Oh Jeremiah, I’m glad you came in so quickly. I'd like to introduce you to Jolie Foster our new accountant. "

Jolie Foster rises from her chair to turn and greet Jeremiah. Jeremiah takes his first glimpse at Jolie's face and immediately notices her beautiful bright smile, then her amazingly smooth milk chocolate skin and finally rested on her eyes.

He was taken by her beauty and thought "DAMMNNNNNN THANK GOD FOR MONDAY MORNINGS!" LOL

He noticed that what stood before him was one wonderful package from the ends of her newly cut hair to the bottom of her 2 1/2 inch heels. It only took a few seconds to do a once over and he knew instantly that he was attracted to her.

He shakes her hand and says, "Well Ms. Foster it's wonderful to meet you and I welcome you to the company."

Meanwhile what he's really thinking sounds more like "Uh Uh Uh…. Ms. Jolie....I hope we cross paths REAL soon because I wouldn't mind taking your fine self to dinner!"

He releases her hand and they continue to make small talk. After a few minutes, Jeremiah heads back to his office wondering about this woman he just met at work. Monday didn't seem so mundane after all.

So to my readers...I ask you these questions....
Have you ever been in a situation where you've dated a coworker? What was it like?

If someone approached you at work and showed interest or asked you out how would you handle the situation?

How do you feel about dating someone from work whether it's someone from the office you are working in or a "Hottie" from another department/floor??

If you started dating the person how would you precede with the relationship (e.g. keep afterwork affairs afterwork, or tell a fellow cowoker about your new found love.)

Gimme Your Comments!!! I'm nosy about this topic!

Just_Wondering

Anger Management

2008-07-21T21:54:00.005-04:00

Have you ever been so mad that you were at a loss for words? Have you ever felt so angry that every time you had an idle moment, you’d remember what happened and play the events over in your head only to get mad all over again. We’ve all had these moments and recently I’ve come to realize that when I do have them I try not to take it out on others around me. I mean honestly how fair is it to get pissed off at a family member or your Boo/husband when someone else got on your nerves. However, for some people it’s a natural reaction. You get mad, stay mad, and you make sure everyone knows you’re mad!!

I just came back from a walk because I was so upset that I couldn’t possibly stay in the environment I was in. I had to escape!! I played words over and over in my head and I felt my like steam was rising up in me. Now I don’t often feel like this but some people just know the right buttons to push to send you to MADville!! I JUST KNEW I had to get away from the situation. I knew the best way to deal was not to stay and yell or say things I don’t mean but rather take some time to cool down. (It’s pretty cool working out when you’re mad lol makes the workout fly by) So I cooled down… I came back and I was thankful that I walked away….

So I ask you about your anger management techniques….Why don’t you fill in the blank….

When I get mad I feel like a__________??

Then tell us: How do you react when you get heated (e.g. yell, leave, get quiet)?

After you get into an argument with someone how do you treat others around you?

What do you do to calm yourself down?

Stay Tuned

2008-07-21T08:08:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone!

I had a busy weekend and I plan on posting this evening so PLEASE stop by later!

Just_Wondering

A Female's Perspective on Internet Dating

2008-07-13T16:33:00.009-04:00

After giving everyone a chance to share their thoughts on the topic of internet dating, I thought it would be a great idea to give those of you who have never tried it (including me lol) some insight on what the process is really like. So as Part 2 of the Internet dating series, I wanted to get a female's perspective on the topic. Ladies and gentleman I introduce you to Liza Rojas!

Liza is a 30 year old Latina residing in New York City. She is special education teacher who was also gracious enough to share her experience on Internet Dating. Let's tune into what she has to say--->

JW: “How many men have you met in person and how did you feel during your first date ever?”

L: “I can't really remember exactly how many men I have dated. I would say 10-12 people within the last 5 years. I am not a serial dater type of girl lol. On my first date...I was actually really excited and nervous to meet him. I felt this way because we had good chemistry on-line and he sounded really romantic and sweet. I felt nervous because it was only natural to feel that way. I always feel slightly nervous on first dates. The only thing I was concerned about was the visibility of his picture on-line. I couldn't see what he looked like because his picture was somewhat fuzzy. Despite my concerns, I decided to meet him. When I finally arrived, I saw him on the corner waiting for me. We introduced ourselves and walk into the cafe together. After about 20 minutes, my feelings of nervousness disappeared. The date went well. We spoke for 2-3 hours. He was very polite and respectful. However, I did not feel enough chemistry to have a second date.”

JW: “What are some of the essential aspects of someone's profile that you look out for and why?”

L: “Looking for profiles of potential interest is extremely important to me. I would say this is the most tedious part of internet dating. That's of course..if you are serious about meeting a significant other or a husband. Of course, I have to be attracted to the person. That doesn't mean I'm looking for the next Brad Pitt. What am I saying is...I have to be attracted to him both intellectually and physically. If I had to choose between the two...I looked for someone with great intellect. When looking for a profile...I focus on the written portion. Based on that, I am able to answer these questions for myself: "Is he educated? Can he express his wants and needs in a relationship? Does he appear sincere and caring? Does he have a good relationship with family and friends? Does he appear bitter and fed up with relationships? Is he self absorbed? Is he looking for a good time in the bedroom?"

"I ask myself these questions because it determines whether I will be compatible with him. It also helps me to know if the person is caring, sensitive to my needs, actively listens consistently, responsible, goal-oriented, and has good communication skills and is capable of having meaningful relationships with people, and actually wants to find the love of his life. By having these qualities I can feel confident that he will be there to pick me up on my 2 feet during the tough times. When I find that great profile...I do not hesitate to initiate conversation. I jump on it quickly!! What do you have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is he never responds back. OH well....don't let that phase you! Keep positive and move it along!!”

JW: What are some of the challenges that you face during the entire process?"

L: "Internet dating is very time consuming. In the beginning it was really fun. I was constantly on-line talking with 2-3 different people at a time. I was online searching the net and talking on the phone 20 hours a week. It really felt like a 2nd job. As I entered graduate school, the hours online and on the phone were significantly decreased making my chances of meeting someone very slim! Other challenges I faced were with the actual people I was dating. At that time I was in my late 20s. I met people who did not represent themselves as they did online and on the phone. They wanted to hit the sheets very quickly on the actual first date. So, you really have to smell this behavior coming and remove yourself from the date quickly. "

"Another challenge I faced was finding great chemistry with people....that connection filled with lots of energy. The third challenge was deciding whether I should date someone who has been married with children. As I get older I am finding that more people have children from previous marriages. Do I really want to deal with baby mamma drama?? I feel like I have no choice. The divorce rate is 50% in United States. I may make an exception depending on the circumstance. I haven't come to a decision on that yet. Honestly, whether I am dating online or going to the bars to meet someone....the challenges are the same. The only difference is your saving money on cocktails and entrance fees for the bar and clubs."

JW: "How long did your relationships last?"

L: "In my own experience, my relationships have not lasted very long. The longest relationship was 4 months."

JW: "Do you feel that everyone should give it a try and if so what advice would you give to a 1st timer?"

Yes, I feel everyone should give internet dating a try. Each experience is different. I know some people may feel apprehensive about it. I totally understand. I was in their shoes once before. Do some research, talk with other people who have been on-line dating for a few years and get their perspective on the topic. I think people should keep their options open. In this day and age, it is quite normal to use internet dating services to meet people. To help myself adjust to the World of Internet Dating, I signed on with a friend. When I went on dates, I always chose a close location to meet and I gave my friends the address of where I was going. I also gave my password and user ID to my family and friends.

I had the dates early in the day and kept it very short (2-3 hours tops!). I truly believe that it no different from meeting the guy or girl in the club and him/her asking to hang out the next week. You barely know the guy or girl. He is probably drunk anyway and can't even remember your name the next day lol. At least online....you can read what they are all about and what their intentions are when finding a potential candidate to date. If you are not comfortable with it just yet....try other alternatives. For example, taking dance classes, exercise classes and asking friends to put out the word out that you want to meet new people. Maybe they can arrange a blind date. Eventually, maybe one day you will get the courage to get-online to date.

JW: “If you've been internet dating for more then 5yrs how has it changed, if at all, over time?”

L: “The only change I have seen is more people are open to talking about their own experiences with internet dating. I find that people my age like those at work or I heard through other friends, are currently doing the online dating or have at least tried it. I also see more commercials and advertisements. It appears to be becoming the norm to find someone of interest online. In the past it used to be more of secret. It was something that a person would do on the down low.”

JW: "Lastly, any funny stories you would like to share about internet dating?"

L: "I met this guy who was a dectective I was really attracted to him, he seemed very sincere, and genuine. He had a daughter (as you already know I wasn't really up for dating someone with children) however, he seemed to have a really good relationship with her and I thought I'd give it a shot. We went out two times and he seemed interested in me but he didn't call me for a week and a half. When I was ready to write him off lol, he finally called and I decided to go out with him again. We had a nice time talking and getting to know more about each other. But then after that 3rd date he didn't call me back. I didn't get disappointed because you're not met to make a connection with everyone you meet otherwise dating wouldn't exist LOL."

"So after some time another attractive guy contacted me and I found out he was a detective who also seemed very sincere and great to talk to! He also had a child and commented that he frequently goes to visit his child in the same location as the 1st detective. I was surprised and I started to find a connection between two men because their stories sounded very similar."

"THEN homeboy tells me he has a brother! I threw 3 questions his way to find out if the two were related and I found out that they were faternal TWINS!!! I told him that I dated his brother and that it didn't work out. I didn't feel comfortable going out on a date with him even though he expressed interest after finding out I went out with his brother! GO FIGURE! ANND HE WAS SUCH A CUTIE!!"

I would like to give a special thanks to Liza for sharing her personal experience with us!

What type of impression has Liza left on how you feel about internet dating??

Was there anything you found to be interesting about the information she provided?

Do you have any more questions you'd like to ask her?

Please read the following post for "A Male's Perspective On Internet Dating"

Pt 2-A Male's Perspective on Internet Dating

2008-07-13T15:25:00.008-04:00

You always have to get two or more sides to any situation or any hot topic out there!! So of course it's only fair to hear a Male’s Perspective so I decided to interview a fellow blogger Marcus Langford on his experience.

Marcus is a 29 year old African American Male residing in Washington DC. He is architectural designer by profession, the founder of Langford Internetprises and author of 'Mind of Marcus'.

Now lets find out what Internet Dating is all about from Marcus' Perspective!

JW: "When did you begin internet dating, how long have you been doing it and why did you become interested in it?"

ML: "I began Internet dating back in 2001. After I split from my ex-wife, I went to the Internet to find my next date and it proved successful. I didn't join any dating sites, I simply joined a social networking site [BlackPlanet.com]. Since I don't like to go out and meet women, the Internet was an easy way to meet women of interest."

JW:"How many women have you met in person and how did you feel during your first date ever?"

ML: "I have actually met several women in person from the Internet, but I didn't date all of them; that wasn't necessarily the goal in mind. The majority of them are current friends of mine. Two of them, I dated for some period of time, but eventually we went our separate ways. The first date I had with with a young lady from the Internet was pretty cool; casual with no pressure."

JW: "What are some of the essential aspects of someone's profile that you look out for and why?"

ML:"Her pictures and what she is about. I want to know if she is goal oriented and focused on meeting those goals. I want to know if she is health driven and/or athletic. I want to know what she feels about family and if she has a good relationship with hers. Also knowing if she has children of her own helps to know what type of woman she is. I want to know about her common interest and what she enjoys to do. All of these things and more are important to me because I have to feel out whether or not she is worth pursuing based on what her profile offers at face value."

JW:"What are some of the challenges that you face during the entire process?"

ML:"Each situation has presented their own problems. The last relationship, the biggest challenge was the distance because I lived in D.C. and she lived in Oklahoma City. In general, meeting and dating a woman from the Internet is not going to be much different than finding a woman in a bar and dating her. Women are women and challenges are challenges and things don't change much from the norm."

JW:"How long did your relationships last?"

ML:"One of the relationships lasted for about four months. The most recent relationship lasted for about 18 months; we split up this past March. Surprisingly, the relationship that lasted the shortest period of time was the one that hurt me more emotionally when it was over, more than likely because there was so much more that was invested in that relationship and there was a small child involved that I grew to love and care for. So yeah, it took a lot out of me."

JW:"Do you feel that everyone should give it a try and if so what advice would you give to a 1st timer?"

ML:"If people are tired of trying to meet a good man or woman at a club, bar, or lounge and the folks in church just aren't doing it for you, then the Internet is the next best thing. However, do not pay for these dating sites because they are a waste of time. Social networks and even blogs are a good way to network with some pretty decent women and men. But be yourself and do not try to impress someone with a bunch of lies that you can not back up because there is a good chance that could come back to bite you in the behind down the road if not sooner."

JW:If you've been internet dating for more then 5yrs how has it changed, if at all, over time?

ML:"The technology has become better and makes is easier for us to meet new and interesting people, other than that not much has changed in the past five years, because the people are still the same. "

JW:"Lastly, any funny stories you would like to share about internet dating?"

ML:"I went on a blind date via the Internet one time. As I mentioned, seeing a picture or two is important to me. This one time I decided to go against my rule and when I met her in person and she got out of her car, I felt like 'Smokey' on 'Friday'. LOL! Never again did I make that mistake."

Marcus I'd like to say a Special Thanks for sharing your experience with us!!

What type of impression has Marcus left on how you feel about internet dating??

Was there anything you found to be interesting about the information he provided?

Do you have any more questions you'd like to ask him?

Internet Dating Part 1

2008-06-29T17:54:00.004-04:00

As Carla gets herself ready for her date she starts to panic! She starts to wonder “Omgoodness I can’t believe I’m doing this!! I never thought I’d do this! What if he’s disappointed when he sees me? What if he looks like a troll? Maybe I shouldn’t go…..” Carla convinces herself to take the plunge and go through with the date. This may be her opportunity to make a connection with someone great. Why pass it up just because of how she met the guy? She hops in her car and starts heading towards the coffee shop. She pulls into the parking lot, takes one last look at her face and hair and says, “Ok girl, it’s now or never….” As she walks into the coffee shop she spots Marcel at the table by the window and tells herself “Let’s seeing if internet dating is for me..”

Internet dating has become the next best thing when trying to broaden your chances on meeting someone new. Seems like technology plays a part in every aspect of our lives these days. I remember going over to my cousins house as they invited tons of friends over just to hangout. It was the perfect way of meeting “a friend of a friend” in the most comfortable situation. Why comfortable? Their family of 3 girls and 2 boys ALWAYS had people hanging out or coming over for special events. Sometimes at these get togethers, people would often see each other more than once and you can certainly get the 411 about someone in a matter of a couple of minutes. The beauty of these house parties is that there was no pressure or rush to get all the facts you needed in a short amount of time.

NOW things are different. People go out more. They may go to a bar/clubbing hoping they’ll find the one there, you may find someone at work, or other venues that we often frequent like the grocery store. However, we have this wonderful thing at home called a computer that makes everything easy! Shoot I’d order me a man in a second if it were that easy! But the closest thing we could get to ordering a mate is internet dating. You search through profiles hoping to find a connection. Most of us are too busy to be social and go out, so we miss out on opportunities to meet someone special ( I’m so guilty of being a home body lol) The internet brings your options right to your computer screen. How convenient! It’s perfect right?

What were your first impressions of internet dating?
Have you tried it?
Would you try it and Why?

This topic will have more than one part to it so stay tuned! Thanks for reading!

That Moment

2008-06-21T00:23:00.022-04:00

Do you know that moment…................?
That single moment after you’ve applied that last bit of makeup and you put the pencil or brush down….you lean back just a bit to get the full affect of the finished product. There’s this small burst of emotions which include excitement, satisfaction, and confidence all at once. I’ve always felt that makeup shouldn’t make you feel like you're hiding behind a mask, but to reveal something that seemed invisible become crystal clear.

I recently had the opportunity to try a new cosmetic line hoping that I’d get that moment I just described. Thevi Cosmetics is a unique line that targets the New Ethnic Market—every light to-dark skinned woman of Asian, South Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Mediterranean descent. It’s described as a sleek, modern line of innovative cosmetics which includes rich, vibrant shades that are joyful to wear. Their line is described as “Inner Beauty Made Visible.”

I wanted to find out if all they had described on their website was true. I happen to have dark chocolate brown skin and at times it is difficult to find shades that suite me. When I received my samples from the Thevi line, I was very thrilled!! I found the sleek chrome cases very enticing. I couldn’t wait to try everything out. I gave them a short list of items that caught my attention on their website and they were gracious enough to fulfill my request. I received Matte Shadow in Bordeaux (left), Moss (right) and Triple Split Shadow Bistro (middle)

I also received Longlasting Eyeliner in Onyx (black) and High Impact Lipstick in Drama (left) and Brownie (right)

The first thing I tried was the eyeshadow and eyeliner because my eyes are my bestfriends in the land of makeup! When I opened the lid for the Matte Shadows in both colors, I immediately became disappointed because I instantly knew it was not going to work out….(oh boy) My heart sank as I attempted to apply both eyeshadows on my eyelids only to find that my dark chocolate eyelid remained the same color. *sigh* I didn’t give up hope and moved onto the Triple Shadow which did appear! Hooray!!! The lightest shade gave my eye a hint of sparkle that would be delightful to wear during the day! So after trying all the shades Idecided that it was keeper along with the eyeliner.--->

Now onto the lipstick!!! Ok that was me being excited before I put it on and this is the part I didn’t want to come to…LOL I’m sad to report that it did not go over very well. I found both colors to be way too light (almost a glow in the dark effect)for my skin tone that I couldn’t stand to look at myself with it on in the mirror. Eeeekkkk! lol That certainly is not the feeling I want right? However, I must admit that the lipstick glided on my lips effortlessly, felt amazingly light and they were moisturized! It also has a nice gloss to it that doesn’t make you run to get some clear lipgloss! Although I did not like the lipstick for my skin tone, both shades did come in very vibrant and rich colors as described on their website. Below are my lips with Browie on with just one application. I couldn't bring myself to show you what it looked like with two on.

I couldn’t bring myself to write this review without "showcasing" some of the colors that I do enjoy wearing so that Thevi Cosmetics has an idea of the look I try to achieve. My eyes need hints of sparkle at all times as to draw attention to them! lol I tend to lean towards VERY dark rich colors that compliment my lips (mostly in the brown lip gloss family) I think lipgloss is the next best thing right now, so if Thevi had a line of gloss with just a hint of color I'd pick from those rather then the lipstick. Below you will find pictures of what I like to wear on my eyes that I feel compliment my skin tone and make my eyes POP! In addition, you will also see the only red lipstick I own and feel comfortable wearing.

So there you have it. Thevi didn’t work for me and I tried it knowing that the women they are targeting may in fact have skin just as dark as mine. However, I may have my Hispanic friend who is very fair skin give it a try!

So tell me how do you feel after you finish putting on makeup?? What is that moment like??

Thanks for reading my review!

How to Navigate Through Changes

2008-06-18T19:48:00.005-04:00

Life is hard….Ok wait lemme say that again if you missed it the first time because that statement is so true Life Is Hard! I remember being a little kid and asking my mom to buy me a candy bar and she told me that she didn’t have the money (she did though LOL) and I made a promise… I said “When I grow up, I’m going to buy a snikers bar everyday lol I thought “Hey when I get older I’ll have dollar bills that would flow out of my pockets so I could buy whatever I wanted.” Well I was in for a surprise when I finally grew up and I learned about bills, budgeting, and spending. That’s just the tip of the iceberg because on top of that you have to start building your career, dating, forging relationships with people, or distancing yourselves from people you don’t like anymore. You start to notice things about yourself and you make Changes! Life is about Change! The person you were in the past, is not who you are today? You’ve grown, and have been through many challenges. Maybe you’re happy with your current life or just down right mad and bitter. Whatever the case may be, we all go through different types of changes that we have to deal with.

So picture this….You’re married, in a serious relationship or you’ve created a great bond with a friend. For the past few months, weeks, or maybe days you notice something different about the person. Sometimes it’s subtle changes like your phone call hasn’t been returned, you noticed that your conversations just don’t flow quite as easily, maybe the person stop doing something that they use to love, or they’re working way to hard and not leaving room for hanging out. We expect change when something huge happens like having a baby/relocating but what about the little changes that may cause your relationship to go in another direction….it hasn’t gotten bad YET but your Intuition is telling you something is not right…..and your thoughts start to flow like this à “She seems preoccupied at dinner I wonder if something happened earlier today..” “Wow, he passed on an opportunity to hang out tonight with his friends….” “I know he cares about me, but that kiss he just gave me was off…” “My best friend told her co-worker that her mom was sick and I didn’t find out until a week later”

What do you do when life changes start to penetrate you’re relationships?

Do you ask questions and investigate immediately? Or do you wait to gather more information? Maybe you just don’t know how to address the situation or the person who’s changing doesn’t realize it’s affecting the relationship.

What’s your 1^st course of action in order to navigate through changes?

Finding Love In Washington, DC

2008-06-18T18:47:00.007-04:00

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?
I do believe it is difficult to find a woman that I am interested in, for one, I am very well traveled, so with that being said I have lived in about 6 different countries and I have dated women in most of them except for two but with that being well traveled has given me a combination of different cultural characteristics that I like on women. I am also of Caribbean upbringing so even though I am american that is a factor in what I look for in a woman.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?
For one in the DC metropolitan area I meet women of color who are very sheltered to there own cultures and environments, so are not willing to try other things this includes race. I am black as I mentioned but I am open to dating other races. Second I am older now 36 years of age, and I have no children. Most women in my age bracket if they are single have had some past marriages, relationships or whatever that have left them with kids, and a man dating a woman with a child, or children is a completely different scenario. There is truly a different attitude about women with kids in my time now then in my parent’s time. So finding a woman in my age range with no kids is also a challenge. Also education, I do not have a degree, but I am very intelligent speaking 4 languages, and knowing a variety of different things and topics. I am well spoken and I have many other traits that illustrate education, now I am going to school currently, but sometimes women view that as a flaw, especially women of my genre that I am looking to date or used to dating. On the flip side of that sometimes I do understand of wanting to know where woman would hold that against you on that educational tip.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?
I don’t feel I am at an advantage, always, but for the most part recently I have been seeing that I am lucky to a certain extent, because I do have that in my favor, but there is a down side to this. Sometimes I wonder if I meet a woman and date and see some things I don’t like, if I am judging them too harsh because I know that I have a better chance of meeting someone else and finding a new girl to date then if I might deal with a little bit of problems I normally wouldn’t if you can understand where I am coming from on that note.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?
Recently I have to say I have been looking alot online, because I seem to have lost my edge on approaching women. I hate rejection like I believe most men do, and women can sometimes be really harsh on a guy if they don’t like him. I hear people say never meet a guy in a club, but I disagree, because of a lot of reasons one thing if you meet a guy in a club one thing is certain of you and his possibility you and him, he likes the same types of events you do, or is willing to at least try something new, because you met him there. I am a firm believer that when people are in social gatherings it is a time when they have there guard down and allow you to approach them in one aspect. Grocery stores and stuff like that always seem creepy to me to approach a person, because when you are in places like that you are there for something, to eat not to be hit on. I don’t think Church is it; because your concentration should be on worshiping God, I am sure there are a lot of wholesome women there, but maybe afterwards. Bars are good to, but overall I think events are the best place and online. One thing is certain if you meet a person at a club or online, the first few date that person is only going to let you see what they want you to see, it is not until you have kissed them and spent a couple of nights with them not even sexually for that matter will you know what you are really getting into.

The Question

2008-06-05T18:41:00.004-04:00

So I was out last night at a launch party for a website devoted to natural hair care (Check out the review on Product Junkie Diva's Blog) and I had the opportunity to meet some new people as I took in the great atmosphere and fabulous music. As I made small talk, I realized whenever you're in these situations (also at family functions) there are certain key questions that come up. It may start off with how you know mutual friend(s), how'd you get to the hotspot, what do you do for a living, where do you live/work, and dang it don't forget the number one conversation starter THE WEATHER! Family members just cut to the chase and ask this question after saying hello lol. Once you've covered those topics, it's evitable that what seems to be the most interesting question that people may want to know is (drum roll please!!!) Are you dating anyone?

Now maybe it's just me, but I never ask about whether or not you have a "Boo" unless you happen to mention it in conversation. However, for some reason this loaded question can be a hit or miss for some people. I've seen the glimmer of interest leave the conversation when you inform them you're not in LOVE and happy or if for some reason you inform someone you are dating they have this "oh ok whatever...can you not be so happy, cause I'm single" look. Why do people feel they HAVE to ask that question?? Does it somehow give you brownie points if you're attached??

How do you feel about this question whether it's being asked by a co-worker, a friend you haven't seen you in a long time and it's the 1st question on their lips, or your Mama/Family Members who's dying to marry you off? Or do you think it’s not a big deal at all?

Hold on...Someone Just Texted Me

2008-05-26T19:40:00.005-04:00

I love texting.... Honestly I reallllly love texting. I mean I feel like it's the most amazing way to keep in touch with people and I send at least 50+ texts a day. I remember when my friend got a texting plan, (I still had an ol'school phone) and she kept sending me texts. I was super annoyed with her because I felt like she was adding unneassary charges to my bill lol and I kept thinking to myself "Just Call ME!" Now I feel like I have entire relationships with people with over texting! Wow we've become so impersonal with this new technology!! I've witness people announce everything from telling people about a wedding proposal to a death in the family...VIA text. We can't even pick up the phone to say "Thank You" anymore!

So I was just wondering how this new way of communicating has affected the world of dating/relationships?? Anyone find themselves asking a person out for the 1st few dates via text, having an argument or trying to resolve an issue, or you find that your honey can text you "I love you's" and other sweet comments via text but can't say it in person...

Please weigh in and tell me the pros and cons of texting.......

Is It the Accent???

2008-05-26T18:44:00.004-04:00

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

To be honest, NO.... I say this not to blow my own horn but I guess when I go out and meet the opposite sex they notice a difference about me, and that's my accent !! I guess am blessed to be a black men born and raised in

Sweden

with an accent (haha). Because as I have found out many women want something different and once they find that its easier to make that initial connection and then it seems like everything else falls into place. Also once you start talking you will find out if you are interested in her. Because with me its not what you look like because that's not all that is required to makes it or to find that someone. But I feel that over here in the

, people are more fixated with looks first so a lot of great connections goes by.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

The challenges I think is that is getting rejected to trying to connect with someone. Also making someone invest in the time that many people don't have anymore to get to know the opposite sex. We are living in a fast pasted world now and you only have a split sec to make someone pay you attention.
3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

Yes / No. Yes because the more choices you have to connect to a larger number of women who take their time and let there guard down the higher the % is that someone will give you the time of the day. No because if you don't know how to carry yourself or don't have any type of communication skills its a dead end I think.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

Wow, I don't have a one great answer for that, but I can say so much that a lot of the women I meet is at private parties and thru friends. Or internet / email etc hahaha :) So I hope I could answer some of your questions and as you know we all different but in the end we all the same, meaning we all looking for that special someone that matches us on as many levels as possible and once we find that one we take it and run with it.
His Stats: 36 yr old Black Male

Question: What do you think about his comment regarding Americans being fixated on looks?

To Wed or Not To Wed??

2008-05-13T21:45:00.005-04:00

I'm sure most of you have heard about Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey tying the knot and although we all know that it won't last very long lol..But it got me wondering......Marriage is BIG! I mean it's a huge step to take and some people go into it knowing that if it doesn't work out they can always get divorce. I know this question will be hard to respond to because I know that every situation is different, but humor me and tell me your thoughts....

How long would you want to date before accepting/asking to get married?

How long is too long or how quick is too quick to tie the knot?

Or can you really put a time frame on these types of things?

Mr.Shy & Witty In the City

2008-05-13T20:30:00.010-04:00

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?
Great question. In a city a 8-9 million people, I would think people would be falling all over each other but it seems that everyone is 
just lonely and incompatible. I find it very difficult to find women that match my criteria. I don't think my standards are too high but at the same
time I refuse to settle.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone? 
People play games (both men and women), aren't upfront and honest, and most people don't seem to really know what they want.


3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?
Not really. I get along with most people so finding someone I get along with is very easy for me but finding an amazing,
genuine, and kind hearted girl is a tough task.


4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you? 
I'm defiantely a little on the shy side so I'm not the type of guy to approach women in a bar or club setting. I like making witty comments and I like
to make people laugh so that usually works well for me.

Great Date Ideas- No More Dinner & The Movies Again..& Again

2008-05-06T18:56:00.006-04:00

So you've been dating someone for a few months or year or whatever and you notice something about the dates. You've started to fall into this incredibly boring trend of going to Dinner & The Movies. I mean don't get me wrong I love a great movie and a good food but has dating official anthem become "Dinner & Movie." People can't come up with some variety anymore. Where is the creativity?!?!? Have we run out of ideas? So I ask what’s your list of ideas for dates? What have you tried in the past or would want to try that’s better than the same ole dinner and a movie??

It's Like Looking In A Mirror

2008-04-29T21:50:00.005-04:00

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

I have little or no interest in the majority of women I meet. I mean this in a sexual/romantic way. I don't mind being friends with just about anyone who shares my interests or passions, but the truth is that I hardly ever meet anyone for whom I have feelings beyond friendship. The last time I had feelings for a woman was about 3 years ago.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

I can connect with just about anyone and it's actually pretty easy for me to go out and meet women and find dates. But what I realized recently is that the people closest to me are like mirrors of myself. So at this point in my life, the women who I end up attracting seem to represent the aspects of my character that I don't particularly like. So I see it as a challenge in the sense that I will need to change some parts of my life before I attract a woman that compliments me in a way that is positive. And I think that when I finally change those things for good, I won't even need to go out looking. It will just happen as a natural process and someone will end up coming into my life that I can really connect with on a very deep level. But I'm not ready for that right now, which is part of the reason that I'm single and working on myself first.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

I don't think it's a matter of advantage. Like I said, I see the entire world as a mirror of myself. Those aspects of my personality at the forefront of my conscious mind are manifested around me. This is a truth for me because I have experienced it, but it may not be a truth for everyone. So to me, the real advantage is recognizing this truth and living it. When I see something around me that bothers me, I look to myself to see how I might change it. And when I see something around me that I love, I look to myself to figure out how to bring more of it into my awareness. This is the process I'm going through...There are a lot of people in the world - period. When I go out to a bar or something, I often feel like I have an advantage simply because I can read people pretty well. But at this point in my life, that isn't going to get me what I need and it's just an ability that comes along with experience.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I think it makes sense that I'd expect to meet interesting and attractive women at places where my interests and passions are manifested. For example, I'm very into music, so anywhere where there is a good music scene I'd expect to meet a woman like myself, enjoying whatever it is that I'm enjoying. Or, I love to read philosophy and psychology, so maybe in the bookstore in those sections I'd run into woman who shares those passions as well. There is a woman in my grad class whom I am very attracted to, but it just isn't the right situation for me to pursue it. The list goes on and on. But I think the best way to look is to not look at all. This way, nature hands you exactly what you need when you need it, not when you think you need it.

His Stats: 28 year old Caucasian, Westchester, NY

I was Tagged!

2008-04-19T13:38:00.002-04:00

So I've been tagged by Product Junkie Diva and Antithesis!
I feel horrible for being late in the game because it's been a busy week... So I was instructed to

1-Write a six-word memoir
2-Link to the person who tagged them
3-Tag five more blogs
4-Leave a comment with five more blogs to play

Ok so I gonna break the rules and do 3 out of the 4 parts of the game...I'm sorry!!! lol

Here goes

My memoir is
Its better to give than receive..

This is something that I try to live by everyday. It's easier said then done but I feel like giving of your time when others are in need helps people to stick together, builds new and maintian old relationships. When I give money, I'd like it to reach people at their point of need and I hope somehow what I give will keep on giving...Maybe, just maybe, if I help someone out they will continue the chain and give of their time, support, or money to someone else when the time comes.

I feel like the people I wanted to tag have already been tagged! So this is the part where I break the rules. lol

Ok I'm off to make comments on 5 more blogs.

Thanks for inculding me!

J_WoNdeRinG

How we feel vs How Much You Spend

2008-04-13T20:03:00.004-04:00

I was Just Wondering….How much do you spend on a guy or girl you’ve been dating for a little over 6 months to a year? I mean what if you needed a laptop and your boo buys it for your birthday…when his/her birthday rolls around do you feel pressured to buy something of great value even though you can’t afford it? What do you do? When we purchase items for the people we are dating, are our feelings towards them measured by the monetary value of those gifts?

Burned By Boys Appearing To Be Men

2008-04-10T01:26:00.004-04:00

1-Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

The answer is complicated. I’m interested in good looking women so in that respect no, it’s not hard to find. But I’m an intelligent man with multilayered dimensions of intelligence (critical thinking, analytical, philosophically expansive, perceptive, open minded, creative, spiritual and not religious) so to find a woman who can keep me interested beyond how she looks is hard. Without some kind of substance to the personality, I get bored. I’m also very simply a nice person. I don’t have a temper or anger management problem. I’m not spoiled, so I don’t flip out when things don’t go my way. I’m not possessive or demanding or overly critical. Most of my female friends have these qualities, and it makes me feel happy to be single. If I had to date women like that (and I have already) I’d be a miserable person (as I have been before when I’ve dated women like that). It’s rare to meet a woman who’s just chill, down to earth, considerate, and easy going. Most of my male friends are recently married dudes, and they love their wives, but I can tell they’re not all the way happy with them because they compromised in some way. I’m still single because I refuse to compromise and settle.

2-What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

In addition to what I answered above, I think the main challenge is finding a woman who isn’t jaded about men overall. I’m a black male who occasionally posts ads online specifically for black woman. But I’ll get so many responses from level headed, intelligent, compassionate white women who aren’t jaded about what they perceive to be a decent man; it leaves me feeling like no matter how honestly I present myself, so many women have been burned by so many boys appearing to be men, that most (not all) but most women of my choice and preference can no longer recognize a good man when he’s right in front of them. I’ve been the “male friend” in the lives of woman who continually choose the wrong men over and over again, and never seem to put it together that a guy like me would respect them, engage them in the mind and in the heart in ways these other idiots can’t or don’t. But somehow, it never translates. Not saying they should be interested in me personally, but at least a guy “like” me would do them some good. That’s frustrating. It’s also frustrating to have all this strong character, multi-talents, gifts, smarts, good heart, yet still be judged on material standards.

It’s also all the more frustrating to meet self absorbed types who are so interested in themselves, that they aren’t really interesting at all. Just the other day I had lunch with a female friend who I thought I might have an interest in, and listening to her mentality, logic and worldview about events in her life? Made me realize how boring she is. She’s not a good listener, and only wanted to make her points while not really ‘hearing’ what I had to say to her. Thank goodness I’m a good conversationalist enough to have changed the topics several times to keep it flowing. Sometimes women are interested in me for what I have going on while they have nothing to offer. That’s not fair. Here I am taking time to develop myself and grow, but I’m supposed to just settle for someone with a stagnate personality? If you have high expectations? I can have them too.

3-Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

Not really. I feel it’s a disadvantage, because that’s just how many more woman I have to meet in order to finally get to the one who I feel is my true peer or match.

I’m a self motivated, self directed man who doesn’t follow the herd. Just because there are so many women to pick from doesn’t mean these choices are quality choices. These days, there’s more substance than style. Although, it would be nice to finally have a balance of both style and substance in one woman. I’m a one woman man.

4-Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m going to have to change this up. I’ve met a decent number of woman online by putting up ads that are honest and straightforward about what kind of person I am. I’ve met woman through my female friends, but those female friends end up getting jealous because they secretly like me but also don’t want to me know they like me. I never approach women when I’m hanging out in some club or party because I think it’s lost cause. Most guys are really corny or are players so women just don’t naturally trust getting approached from guys in public. So I just don’t bother with that. But lately, I think I’m going to have to join some classes or take some workshops around subjects that are interesting to me or around things I value with the idea of possibly meeting a woman who shares similar values and interests. It’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.

Mr. 82nd Street

2008-04-03T23:19:00.005-04:00

Jackie is patiently waiting on the platform for her train to come and she wonders what her boss will say to her when she walks in 15minutes late. To be completely honest Jackie has a tendency to take forever to get herself up and ready in the mornings, but she knows she’s going to have to get her act together soon. As the train pulls into the station she’s praying that there was no congestion ahead so that some how she’d make it there on time. As she enters the train she quickly locates a seat and is thankful because she was wearing a pair of black pumps that happens to leave her feet crying by the end of the day. When the train pulls into the next stop, she looks up and her eyes rests upon Mr. 82^nd Street. Who is Mr. 82^nd Street you ask? He happens to be this handsome man whose presence exudes confidence, appears to have such a polite nature and lets not forget that amazing sense of style.

Jackie crosses paths with Mr. 82^nd Street when she’s running late, which has become quite often during the past few weeks. She tends to wonder what he was like during the rest of his day as she only gets to see him on this short ride into the city. How much could you really tell about a person just based on their outward appearance? She has to admit that he’s definitely a highlight to her hustle and bustle in the mornings. She started to think about the last time she’s ever come across anyone that she’s felt a slight feeling of “Mmm I’d like to get to know you more..” Oh you know that feeling don’t you…it makes you pause for a few moments wondering about who they are after that initial meeting, introduction, or short chat. Your mind lingers on the conversation however insignificant it may seem to anyone else and your interest is peaked. Maybe you’ve graduated to more than a few fleeting conversations or had the chance to observe the person interact in a different setting. You notice something new that you didn’t notice before like…“Wow it was nice of him to have emailed me the information I wanted so promptly…he really takes his time helping people to understand something new…I like that.”

Jackie suddenly snaps out of her train of thoughts and realizes that she’s about to miss her stop. She gathers her bags and merges into the crowd among the many getting off at her stop. As she passes by Mr. 82^nd Street, the scarf she had placed around her neck had unraveled and fell in front of him. He quickly goes to pick it up hoping he could catch her before she leaves the train. Unfortunately, the train doors begin to close and he is left with the scarf of the woman he often wonders about on his ride to work.

Question:

So is there anyone you wonder about during the hustle and bustle of your day?
When was the last time you’ve felt that feeling of “Mmmm I wanna know more about you?”

Women are Superficial & Materialistic

2008-03-28T23:07:00.001-04:00

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?
Yes, I find it extremely hard to find a woman that I am interested in. I never knew finding a woman to be with could be so difficult. And I would definitely consider myself easy to please.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?
The challenges I face in finding a connections are various. My tastes are numerous and various, so I would think that it would be easy to find a woman, but this is not the case. A lot of the women here in the DC metro area are extremely superficial, materialistic, and are about what your position may be. They don't look for characteristics that make up a good man, but they prefer to know what kind of car you drive, do you rent or own, and how much money is in your checking account. Then, once they find these things out, if all looks well, then they're more apt to lay down with you, in hopes of possibly keeping you around for the next 18 years...at least. It truly is a sad state of affairs here in this area.

Other challenges include simply finding a "good" woman. One that won't hurt your feelings, isn't crazy, can hold an intelligent conversation, has ambition and drive, has goals, and knows where she is going in life. Sounds easy right? Hardly!

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?
And there is no advantage due to the ratio of women to men. Just because there are more women than men, it merely means just that...there are more women than men. Those numbers do not effect or inflate the ratio of good women to bad women.

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?
I have found that live concerts and shows are usually a great place to meet women. I'm big into music, so if you're there listening to a group that I like, then we automatically have that in common. It's even better if she has a drink in her hand, because I also love going to bars and things of the sort. Bars are also a good place to meet women. Bars, not clubs. Clubs are the worse place to meet women. Another good place to meet women would be the grocery stores here in the area. Now, I'm a bit too shy to approach a woman randomly at a grocery store, but no doubt, I have seen some of the most beautiful women at these establishments. It also shows that they're taking care of themselves and very much into their own health, being that I shop at organic grocery stores.

His Stats: 24yr Old African American, DC

Question: Do you think the club is an optimal place to meet someone? Why/Why Not?

Baggage From The Last Relationship

2008-03-27T19:05:00.004-04:00

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

Its not hard to find a women that I am interested in….Its hard to find a black woman who doesn’t think that just because a dude is nice to her he’s running game... I give everyone a clean slate... I rarely ever get that... I usually get the baggage from the last relationship... I’m a one on one... First to come none after me... I still love ya'll though... Being hurt is a painful thing, but it’s not fair to take it out on the next dude who might actually be a great dude and honest...

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

Usually I’m attracted to really intelligent woman... All shapes, shades of black, and style... The one thing that I find is that most of them are stuntastic (stunning/fantastic) It’s just the life work balance thing that doesn’t pan out... Sometimes it’s also that the .woman does not believe in a higher being, I’m a spiritual dude and owe my success to God and hard work. I need a woman who know he’s is the reason we exist. Know who we get our strength and power from... Alas the killer is women get bored with no drama... so they tend to self sabotage the relationship... Go figure, but its happened more than not...

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

I don't feel any advantage over any other dude. I just let things happen. If i like someone and I pursue them I just come at them genuine. Most of the time that doesn't work because once again a lot of women are use to the game and the chase and all that crap. I straight come out and say, “look i think you are cool peoples and I would like to take you out...” That nice guy thing about finishing last comes around a lot... I'm secure with mine though, so I'm cool... My one will come...

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I don't really look... I usually meet women in my circle of friends and networks. If there is a connection I pursue them, if there is an attraction yet no connection we usually wind up business associates/friends...

His Stats: 36 yr old African American

QUESTION: Do you think Nice Guys Finish Last?

Truthfulness &Trust In Someone Is Key

2008-03-25T18:18:00.004-04:00

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

NO, I feel that women really are too complex a creature to try to categorize or sum up in words like “I like you, you’re pretty” etc... I think its more that as a male we tend to eat with our eyes thinking that we can satisfy all women in a hunter gatherer sense of the word when most men fall short of even satisfying one woman.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

The biggest challenges we usually put on ourselves when we both inhibit, and let our insecurities get the better of us. That’s why bars are so much fun we drink we socialize we let go of our airs and take a collective shot of reality to make it all seem better and easier. Personally I think that truthfulness and trust in someone is key. If you cant trust someone why be with them, you’re going to only hurt yourself and live in that anguish we have all put ourselves through at one point in our lives. Without trust there’s nothing. Not to say that looks and attraction don’t play a part, they do but its like ordering a meal from a chain restaurant, you’re ordering the picture hoping that’s what you get.

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

No, women have all the advantages, all the beauty, all the grace. "We men are wretched things." Thats a quote from one of my favorite movies.

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I don’t…I’m actually extremely shy I kinda just let it happen.

His Stats: Hispanic Male ,28 years old, Bronx NY

Class vs Booty

2008-03-24T16:56:00.003-04:00

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

There different levels of interest. There are women who you’re interested in physically which usually do involve anything too deep. There are women who you can date but you will never get serious with for whatever reason. Then there are ladies very few who you see your self marrying and settling down with. Therefore, the last type of women are high quality but low quantity. To conclude, there might be a greater quantity for interest but the quality situation are few and far between.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

Class vs Booty, some women think that appeal only lies in the breast and booty. However, class, manners and intellect weighs more for me than a nice booty and boobs. At the end of the day, I have to be able to enjoy your company and who you are. To finish up, at the end of the day your mental will win out.

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick
from?

No I don't feel so because its quantity vs quality. I would rather be with one quality female than ten non quality female. I'm at the point where sex is great but there needs to be more.

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I meet women anywhere and everywhere, from the train, to different intellectual events. However, quality women I meet randomly.

His Stats: 30yr Old African American

My First Response- The Artist

2008-03-22T15:44:00.007-04:00

I don’t mind answering your questions, or giving you a male perspective. Though I do hope that you realize, just because your receiving information from a man, doesn’t mean that it should be subscribed to the whole male species. Therefore, I'll give you Vincent’s perspective, and nothing more...

Do you feel that it is hard to find a woman you are interested in?

Yes. Mainly because most women that I find myself coming across, aren’t as artist-or open minded as I'd prefer. The kind of woman that I’m attracted to, is free spirited, insightful, and liberated sexual & spiritually.

What are some of the challenges you face trying to find a connection with someone?

I currently don’t face any challenges. Since I’ve given up trying to connect, it's a lost cause attempting to connect with others. Most people don’t know themselves, and aren’t comfortable with themselves, so how can I expect them to open up to me.

Do you feel that you have an advantage because there are so many women to pick from?

I actually think the opposite. Quantity never equals up to quality. I think that most women aren’t "woman" enough to be with me truthfully. Sadly, a lot of our women don’t covet depth, and the supreme power of being a woman.

Where do you go to find women that are of interest to you?

I go nowhere. I focus on my son, and my artwork. If I come across a woman who's worth my time, I'll appreciate her, other than that, I don’t think twice about finding anything other than more synergy and inspiration to complete my work.

You spoke of having an honest connection with someone. But it’s my belief that the dating game is just that, a game, set up to get us away from honesty and truthfulness...........How can man be honest with another, if he still grapples with being honest with himself? Look at the facade that black women engulf themselves in, from the hair weaves-to fake nails-eye contacts-and euro boogie approaches toward success and advancement. Than they turn around and ask for depth from a black man. And black man are no different, we emulate ignorant depictions of us on tv, than wonder why we aren’t respected at home.

His Stats: 27yr old African American from Upstate NY

Please tell me what you think....